Letter #52 - When You Feel Too Much

To the reader in you,

So I jumped straight from finishing a book to writing this. Because I realised something strange that I hadn’t ever noticed before. I’ve written about my love of books and stories and the hopefulness of it all, but today I realised there’s something else in the mix. The right story at the right time can fix a lot. 

But first, some context. I’m a pro when it comes to compartmentalising. Everything has its box and its time and its place. You put the feelings away and if they’re important, you deal with them and then go on your merry way. That’s what I do, at least. But I was reading today and I started to feel, not sad, but sort of wistful. There wasn’t really anything that I was thinking of or anything that triggered it. Or so I thought.

It was the book I was reading. It was the story and the experiences of the characters, that led me back into my head and sifting through all those locked boxes that exist there. Until I found the one that made me feel what I was feeling. And so here I am, in this weird mood, that hasn’t been triggered by the present, but by a past moment, long forgotten but never dealt with.

It made me think, maybe a little too much, but it’s what I needed. Fiction is important, especially to people like me, who hold things a little too tightly and who try to bounce back a little too quickly. Because in those moments of reading someone else’s story, we catch a glimpse of ourselves that we get to address in the privacy of our own head alongside our imagination and the two can meld together in that weird way that dreams do. When you’re asleep but you know you’re dreaming but then the dream just gets strange and trippy. 

We can address it for as long or as little as we like and at the end of the day, no one but us has changed and that makes it all feel slightly less big. I don’t even know if any of this makes sense to anyone outside myself. But just incase it does, here I am, saying I get it and if the only way you can dwell on your own life is after reading about someone else’s, then do it! 

I think that’s a big part of why I started writing stories. To make sense of the things I was feeling when I was feeling them. And then when I would stop writing, too busy with life, I’d find myself floundering, my head barely above water, because I wasn’t letting it out. And usually if I was too busy to write, then I was too busy to read! And that’s a vicious cycle. 

So I guess my realisation isn’t too earth-shattering, but finding that thing that lets you out of the confines of your head is always a good thing and it should be cherished for what it is. Especially if you’re private with your thoughts and feeling and try to lock them away. We all need something that saves us from imploding and for me, that’s words on a page. 

What saves you from that? What is the one thing that you can always fall back on to help you think about your life and release you from the stresses that you keep hidden away from everyone else? I’d love to know. It feeds the inquisitive (nosy) people-watcher in me!

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #51 - Patience is Power

To everyone, at any stage in life,

I’ve been thinking about my life a lot recently, about how I’ve gotten to where I am and the various detours that the universe threw my way. I think I’m at my most self-aware but confident in that self, than I’ve been since I was a teenager I think. A big part of that has been patience and practicing it daily. 

Patience is this virtue, up on a pedestal, and I think that that can make it so inaccessible when people need it most. When someone says they aren’t a patient person, generally I’ve found that that means they haven’t learnt how to be. Patience is on par with self-control. And in civilised society, the majority of people have self-control. For example, we don’t go running into stores and stealing everything we want; instead we have the patience and control to get to a point where we can fund our purchases. We don’t walk out of meetings that aren’t going our way or lash out when we dislike something. So we have indeed got control and one step up from self-control is patience. Or at least that’s how I see it.

It makes the act and even the art of patience slightly more understandable. It isn’t a virtue that only the best of people can obtain. It is like any other ability. We practice until we’ve gotten better at it. It’s like a muscle that needs to be worked.

For me, this was a daily practice. I love my lists and so I would list the things that would make my life amazing if I had them/could achieve them. Then I would state what I had done that day to work towards that aim. If I hadn’t done anything, then I knew where I was going wrong and it was usually then that my patience would wain. But seeing it on paper would help.

 

If I hadn’t worked on that goal, how could I expect it to magically manifest?? Whenever I was working towards something, I felt patient because I knew I was putting something in and as a result, eventually I would get something out of it too. Soon the practice of patience became almost second nature and I could judge how I was feeling based on how patient and grateful I was on any given day. 

Seeing the way my life is in this present moment, has made me really appreciate patience. There are things I’ve been working on or hoping for, for close to a decade and only now can I see the results coming to life. Even now, they aren’t the finished results and I’ve got a long way to go with the things I’m trying to perfect or achieve. But I keep marvelling at time and how it passes when you have the patience to just let it happen.

If it wasn’t for those patient moments that I cultivated and learnt to master, I would have given up on some things a long long time ago. But doing so, wouldn’t have taken me to a better place, or rather not a place that I would have wanted to be in.

So I’m incredibly grateful to everyone who told me to be patient (basically my mum...constantly). Life ebbs and flows and if you’re in a moment where it’s not really flowing your way, keep going and be patient that your hard work will pay off.

It really helps when we think of how long our lives could be. Thinking of that always grounded me. There’s so many more years ahead, hopefully, so if you’re not there yet, doesn’t mean you never will be.

But none of that means that I don’t have my moments! I have many many moments where I just cannot be in a positive and patient place. I want to whine and have a bit of a rant. But all of that is fine! You don’t need to be saintly to practice patience. All it does is give you a bit more power in your life. All it means is that you don’t spend every moment looking to a non-existent future, while forgetting the present in which you need to work to make it a reality.

I just work on not letting the bad moments consume my day or my life, like I used to. I need to give an honorary mention to Gary Vaynerchuk, who preaches so much positivity that you can’t help but take it on board! And another mention to the friend who introduced me to my first Gary Vee video that started this whole thing. You started an upward spiral that just makes me more self-aware.

Anyway, clearly I missed blogging because this post got away from me entirely! Enjoy this nearly 1000 word post and I hope you can find a way to cultivate a bit of patience into your life. Those bad little things, once they stop seeming like the end of the world, everything opens up, the good things become great and the bad things don’t seem as world-crushing.

Do you have any practices that work for you? Things that make the day better when it’s awful, or ways to just change your perspective?

Until next time, be inspired...

Z 

Letter #50 - Take The Power Away From Your Fears

To anyone who wants to take control of their fears,

Whenever I’m having an off day, when I’m feeling out of sorts, there’s usually a root cause or a stressor that I haven’t yet put my finger on. So instead, I just feel wrong for a couple days until I figure it out. It’s like for those two or three days, I’m just waking from a dream and I can’t wake fast enough to catch the dream before I forget it. Like that, my thoughts can run away faster than I can keep track of them. If I can’t keep track of them, I can’t get to the problem.

Now there’s nothing wrong with having an off day; I don’t think it’s humanly possible not to, but there are sometimes times when I can’t afford to have an off day. Say I’ve got a really important work project or an exam, and I’m too busy getting caught up in feeling bad to focus and yet, focus is the only thing I need in those moments. Well, when that happens, I’ve always needed to get out of my head and fix the problem quickly so it can’t bother me for the time being.

I had to go through a lot of trial and error over the years, but I figured out what works for me and I’ve had others try it too and so far, I’ve not had any complaints. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it is a comforting little practice.

I just make a list, brain-dumping everything that’s worrying me onto a piece of paper. Now, I’m all for the digital age, but for this to work properly, you need use put actual pen to a literal sheet of paper and not just type it out. All my anxieties, fears, uncertainty, I get it all out and onto the paper. I got through things systematically; I’ll start with things in my professional life, like deadlines or difficult work, then move onto my personal life and my relationships before finally listing my personal feelings and thoughts about myself. I get it all out of my head and in front of me.

Now this is where the therapy begins.

There are three ways of doing this, that I use at least. The first is to take that list of fears and rip it to shreds. I’ll tear it into tiny tiny pieces until it resembles confetti, and then likes symbolic of how those thoughts and fears are gone, for the time being at least. The physical act of the ripping helps a lot as it feels like I’ve destroyed the ideas on that piece of paper.

The next alternative that soothes the child in me is to take that sheet of paper to a sink and set fire to it. This is go to method, just because it feels the more freeing to me when I can see the negativity literally go up in flames. It is no longer something to concern myself with.

The last option is a great one too. This is a much calmer method but no less powerful. This method works best if you’ve used an ink/fountain pen to write your list. Biro will not have the same effect. You get a bowl of water, and you place the paper into the water. With an ink pen, you’ll be able to see the ink leaking and floating away, just like the words that make up your fears and problems. You can see them dissolve away and it’s a release. 

All three methods are a release and maybe there’s other way that you can come up with, but the essence of the practice is that it frees your mind up by drawing out the negativity and admitting it. It’s also easier to admit to a sheet of paper, in private, if you then know that you’re destroying that paper. There’s less vulnerability or concern that someone might find the paper and your sensitive thoughts. Trust me, it’s much easier that you think it might be.

In the end, you might not even find the cause of your off day, but you’ll feel somewhat lighter either way and that’ll go a long way in helping you to feel more like yourself much quicker. At least, it does for me.

So I hope this helps, and that if you’re in need of it, you can give it a try and find some level of satisfaction in destroying your fears.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #49 - Don’t Let Expectations Hold You Prisoner

To anyone who needs a reminder,

So this post was meant to be up yesterday, since I’m doing this whole ‘every day in May’ thing, but while that was what was expected of me, by myself, it doesn’t mean it actually happened.

Instead, I worried about what to write about and faced a bit of a drought. The last 8 days have gone pretty well, even though I could feel myself petering out of the flow, every day. I started the month so prepared, with 4 posts ready and waiting before the first of the month even arrived. And they were all pretty long, substantial posts of close to 1000 words. It still wasn’t meeting my expeditions however, as I had also hoped to have photos to go with each post. I had to give up that idea pretty quickly but it wasn’t the end of the world and I just powered through with creating a backlog of posts for the month, and for the days that would get too hectic. This is much easier said than done.

The next expectation I had give up was that I would have each post up by 11am every day. The first couple of days I even managed 10am! But for me and how I’m living right now, it isn’t always sustainable. Sometimes things come up, people need help or favours that I have agreed to. And then there’s the everyday monotony that has to be contended with. The things that just need to get done, like feeding myself or hanging out with my brother in the evenings. These things can’t be moved around and I wouldn’t want them to be, so I have to instead move around my posts as they are more flexible to me, as a priority. My last few posts were pretty close to the end of the day, because I had literally written them half an hour before hitting publish at 11pm. But I still got it done and that was something that I was content with.

This last expectation is one that I really really wanted to follow through on for the entire month; to post every day was important to me as an experiment to myself that I could do it. And as of last night, that expectation is also one I haven’t met. I couldn’t even force it last night. It’s not that I didn’t have a single second to try. I mean I got into bed at 10pm, I had time there to try to bash something out but I was so so done with the day. I needed the day to be over and that meant sleeping it off. Even as I slept though, my mind wanted to get someone out. I literally dreamt I was writing this post and then woke up around 3am really confused and way too warm. It just wasn’t meant to be.

I came to the realisation this morning that I can’t force content out of thin air. My thoughts and opinions come from my life. They come about as a response to things I’ve seen or overheard, or ideas that have occurred to me over time. I can’t just pick a topic and decide to waffle on (as much as I love waffling, it doesn’t always work!). While I’ve been writing this week, I haven’t been doing a lot else for leisure. I haven’t been reading blogs, or listening to podcasts or even music or doing anything simply for the joy of it. I’ve been doing things out of an expectation that I should be doing them. That’s not fair to me and it’s not sustainable, in the way that I function best.

But at least I’ve allowed myself to notice that having expectations can work for some, but be a source of stress for others. I can’t expect each day to match the last or be better than it. Everything can’t always be great and that’s okay. It’s all survivable and manageable and in the end, it’s not like my world has exploded as a result of it. I have the luxury of that lack of urgency at least. I need to remember to be grateful for that.

That’s all from me, but hopefully you can be expecting another post from me before the day is out. That’s an expectation I’m happy to work towards! 

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #48 - Having A Non-Routine Routine

To anyone without the organisation gene,

I feel like among the people I know, I’m in the minority when it comes to my take on organisation and routine. I’m of the view that “organised chaos” is a thing and it is a fairly acceptable means of organisation, if it work for you. 

For me, it does. If my desk is a mess, I will still know where to find things in that mess, because I remember putting them there. If someone comes and tidies my room without me knowing, to me that is a mess, because I can’t find what I need when I need it. In the same way, when it comes to routine, some people need to have a strict timeline that they follow, which is the only way they get anything done. Planners are used to their full extent and timing are obeyed down to the minute. That’s absolutely great, if you can manage that.

I cannot. 

For me, a routine is pretty non-existent. I don’t and can’t do things at set times. If I tried, something would get in the way and I would fail; this would bother me more than just not setting a timeline in the first place. I can’t fail when I haven’t got it on my radar in the first place. However, while I don’t restrict myself to times, I do still have daily goals or aims. Things that I hope to do before the day is out. Like writing for this blog.

This month, I’ve been waking up knowing that I’m going to get one post done every day. I just don’t know when that may be. It might be that, as soon as I wake up, I open google docs and bash something out. But alternatively, I may not have anything to say until 9pm, and then the post is later. But it is still completed and to me, that’s the most important part.

Of course, if there are deadlines and responsibility to adhere to, I won’t neglect them. I’ll just give myself enough time and enough days to do the work without forcing a restrictive timeline on myself.

I’m a big believer in breaking up the day to stay focused. Even if I could get 4 short tasks done in one sitting, this might mean that after that point, I get bored and demotivated, and then the rest of the day is lost. But if I use those shorter, easier tasks as breaks between longer, more difficult things, then I get more satisfaction and feel more productive. This is great, because I end my days feeling better about myself.

I suppose all I want to say on this topic is that your idea of a routine doesn’t have to match someone else’s, and for a long time, I would feel bad for not being as excessively organised as some people. Eventually I had to just develop a respect for myself and my personality and understand that when it comes to routine, I need a more open path than others. I’m more laidback as a person, and I think that reflects in my needs in  day to day life. I’m also annoying late, but that’s a story for another day!

So if you’re super organised, I would love to pick your brain as to how you manage it; if you’re not, then you do you and don’t put pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #47 - Being a Work-In-Progress

To anyone who feels incomplete,

I was thinking about being complete, the other day. When we think of our futures, don’t most of us think that at some point we’ll be done, settled and our lives will be complete? There’s this idea that you’re doing to reach a point where you don’t need to do or be more. I know when I was young, I thought that 40 was the end of the road, and that I had to complete everything on my bucket list by then or else life would have been pointless. Saying that now, it just seems silly yet at the same time, a part of me has those worries.

I look at myself at 24, and this is not what I pictured for myself but it’s not a bad life and I’m still working towards the things I pictured. But I am very much a work in progress. I’m not finished with my goals, not by a long shot! I can see myself having to be a work in progress for the rest of my life and I’ve only just now thought of how that’s entirely okay. 

To me, being a work in progress means having new ideas and making changes in your life, because if you stay still for too long, that doesn’t necessarily make you complete, more likely just unfinished. And I don’t ever want to be unfinished.

I think that trying new things, travelling, working, exploring yourself and your life, all lead to self improvement and that’s progress in a positive direction. It’s progress that you can always work on and work towards. As long as I’m trying to achieve something, or better myself, I’m going to keep moving forward toward that feeling of “being complete”. Yet, I will never be complete until I decide that I am.

Life isn’t still - if it was, it’d be really boring - and so doing things and having goals is what makes life interesting. It’s what gives life life. With this idea, being a work in progress, being incomplete in your life’s journey is part of the fun. If we stress less about what hasn’t happened and instead see it as things to look forward to, things that are going to happen at some point, then life would be so much more fun. It would be an adventure.

So that’s the conclusion I’ve come to; I’m fine with being a work in progress until I decide that I’m done and that feeling of contentment and decision will be when I’m complete. That’s totally fine with me. It will be my choice and on my terms, without some imagined finish line that has to match anyone else’s.

I hope that you can join me in seeing life this way, with an excitement for the unfinished nature of life and all the adventures that are yet to come.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #46 - Podcasts as a Pick-Me-Up

To anyone wanting to start their week on a high,

It’s Sunday and for me, Sundays vary from lazy days to hyper-productive organisation days. The one thing that I can always find in my Sunday routine is listening to a podcast, or three.

Podcasts have become my recent obsession, especially the really chatty informal kind. They’re such easy listening and it can feel like I’m consuming knowledge without actually having to do anything. I can actually multitask and there’s this feeling of productivity throughout.

So here are a few of my favourites.

Love stories with Dolly Alderton

Now this podcast, by writer and journalist Dolly Alderton, is amazing! She interviews guests about the loves that made them who they are. Each episode has the same standard questions but Dolly has such a knack for getting deeper into the story of each guest. She dives right into their lives and finds such interesting stories and meaning within those stories. One of my favourite episodes is the very first one, with actress Vanessa Kirby. The two were university friends and that is exactly what t sounds like. A friendly chat and a catch up. It’s the best thing to listen to with a cup of tea at the end the day.

Ctrl, Alt, Delete - Emma Gannon

Now I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t heard of Emma Gannon’s podcast, which stemmed in a book of the same name. She discusses the work that her guests do and how they navigate social media in this technological age. It’s the kind of podcast that pumps you up to do something after listening to it. They have such intelligent, considered conversations about creative work and the various industries that the guest are in. She had great guest as well, from Elizabeth Gilbert, to Ava Duverney and Lena Dunham. As someone who wants to write for a living at some point, it’s such a fantastic way to devour any and all knowledge these guests have to impart about their own experiences.

Armchair Expert - Dax Shepard

So this podcast is one that I just happened upon, in my love of Kristen Bell and all that she does. This is her husband, Dax Shepard’s podcast. Again, with great guests! This has made the list for what it stands for. He interviews people about their “why”. Why did you get into this career? Why did your personality develop this way? Why did you choose this path? He’s so interested in getting to the bottom of the human condition and of gaining a deep understanding of his guests. After each episodes, I genuinely feel slightly more emotionally intelligent. And that’s never a bad thing! 

One Girl Band

This is a super helpful podcast, with a mix of shorter discussions on a topic, surrounding creativity, being in a creative industry and freelancing, and longer guest orientated discussions. The founder is Lola Hoad, who has created a space for female entrepreneurs and creatives to support each other. It's literally a pep talk! I like that there is that variety, because I won’t always have the time to listen to a full 50+ minutes podcast but the shorter 20 minute ones are perfect for when I need a boost of motivation or to get some inspiration. The discussions tend to be about working from home and the struggles and joys of such work. The guests are usually bloggers or people who work social media related industries, so it’s a really useful and informative podcast, where I come away learning a lot.


These are just a tiny handful of the amazing content out there, so even if none of these take your fancy, go and search for some podcasts that you will love. And it can take a while to warm up to it, if you’re not someone who likes having to focus on sound without a video attached to it! But if can lead to some really valuable content and if not, there’s plenty of podcasts that are much more story focused and episodic.

Now excuse me, while I go and catch up on the latest episode of Love Stories.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #45 - Meditation Can Be An Escape

To anyone who needs a break from their own thoughts,

Meditation is such a big thing and has been gaining traction for years, since it’s such a valid strategy for combatting certain types of stress and managing the more overwhelming parts of life. Over the past two years, I’ve given meditation a try; first unsuccessfully and then I got to work in my favour. I found sticking to a routine of daily meditation was not for me, but when I tried to use it as and when I felt I needed it, the whole practice worked so much better.

For me, it wasn’t too much of a stretch to try something that cleared my mind, as I always found a similar sense of quiet with yoga and that’s something I’ve been doing for years. I did find that quiet and meditation are not necessarily the same. I had misconceptions of what exactly meditation meant. At the time, my mind wandered to ideas of monks atop mountains, feeling at one with the air around them. It was just the ‘feeling at one’ part that was slightly close to the truth.

The first app I used to learn more and have a guided experience was Headspace, and I feel like that was one of the first apps of its kind, at the time. I remember finding the man who guided the sessions to have a really soothing voice, but I would always end up sleepy before the end. Eventually I gave up on it.

But then I tried again. This time has been more successful because I didn’t feel restricted to an order or having to practice meditation daily. That’s mainly due to the apps I use now.

Oak

This app was the one that started me back up on the journey to meditation again. It is the best, simply for being so simple! It has two main methods of meditation: guided and unguided. For both settings, you can choose silence or some sort of background sound, from rainfall to white noise. This is great, if like me, you need something to suit your mood, and have a change from time to time.

Another feature that is my absolute favourite, is the different breathing exercises they have, complete with images that prompt you as to when to breathe in and out. If you’re one to get a bit overwhelmed at times, these can be an on the go lifesaver.

Smiling Mind

This one is a fairly new app for me, but I really like that it has guided meditation sessions based on factors like age, working life and what you need to get out of it. They have some fantastic, focused sets for young people around 11-12 years old all the way to those at 18-19. I like these sessions for the times when I need something more focused and if there’s something specific that I want to work on.

Reflectly

This final app isn’t a meditation app but I found it to work so well as a journal alongside the meditation. It has helped so much with daily mindfulness as it is simply a journal where you recount what made your day good/bad and why. It allows me to really think and get inside my own head. 

The best part about it is that once you’ve input 7 entries, it begins a log of how you answered; it shows you how many good, bad and meh days you had in that week, or over a month. This can be so helpful for recognising how you’re feeling and making sense of your emotions for yourself. It’s a great little nugget of insider info for you to use on yourself.

With practice, and trial and error, I’ve found that it really just comes down to individual choice. But I will say this, meditation can be difficult in the beginning and it can feel like it’s not working, but just stick at it for a little while longer than you feel you should and hopefully you can see the good it can do.

In a world that can get considerable busy at times, it is almost essential to find time for some stillness, even just 5 minutes of it.

Give it a try this weekend, and see if it’s for you. All the apps are free anyway!

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #44 - Kindness is Taught

To literally everyone...ever,

Being a decent person seems like a given. We all think of it as something that is innate and simple and understandable to everyone. I always thought so. I wish that was the case. But I have observed so many moments, where people who I have witnessed being kind, good people, have surprised me with such specific cruelty that I've had to do a double take.

It's led me to the conclusion that ultimately kindness has to be taught and in turn, rude and disrespectful behaviour is also taught and learned. I don't think I'm saying anything groundbreaking here but I feel like saying it might make any who read this stop and assess themselves. I'm not thinking of a particular person or situation but just decency as a whole. 

I remember having a discussion with some friends long ago, and we were complaining about house chores for some reason that escapes me and then someone said they would just hire a maid to deal with whatever mess they made. Another friend then replied that they agreed with the idea of hiring help, but "I'd want them to be a part of the family. I wouldn't want them to do anything that I wouldn't dare do myself. You've got to remember that whoever you may hire will be someone's parent, child, or sibling. I'd want to treat them with the same respect I'd want someone to give to my family." That is the kind of decency I'm talking about. After that one conversation, I did not think I could have more respect for that person and yet it grew.

We all hope and try to be good people. I don't ever want to be in such a cynical place that I believe people are innately bad, first and foremost. However, I think that those moments where you're having a bad day or something has gone wrong and you still hold back from taking it out on another person, those are the moments we should aspire to. Those should be our defining qualities.

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I try to see things from their point of view. Why are they like that? What made them into that person? I can totally understand that sometimes people are a product of their environments and that a harsh atmosphere can breed a harsher individual.

But the part that grates me is that the actions of such an individual can take a toll on those around them. They can hurt people with their words and actions and I feel like hurt sticks around a whole while longer than anger or frustration or any number of things that caused their harshness.

So if I hope for one thing today, it’s that we hold on to the kindest parts that we can be, because it might just be the thing that makes or breaks someone’s day. I think it’s a worthwhile reminder to have.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z  

Letter #43 - Resilience Is The Best Thing Life Can Teach You

To those who will be starting again soon,

At this time of year, I always think about the end of school, or more recently university. Around this time two years ago, I had handed in my dissertation and had my final exams and I thought the hard part was over.

I could not have been more wrong! I thought that having my degree and knowing all that I’d learnt would mean that the change involved in getting a job or just growing up into a functioning adult would be more of a step than a leap. It would be a minor thing, rather than something consuming my waking moments. 

I know that I wasn’t alone in this feeling of too much pressure and feeling like you’re falling at every new step. I’ve been thinking about those difficulties now, two years on, when myself and all of my friend have become more settled in their lives since that point. With further study, or finding the perfect job, their resilience paid off. But I don’t think any of us thought that at the time.

So it got me thinking that there are probably others out there right now, going through this exact thing. And that’s not to say that people don’t have regular changes and problems in life, just that the ones that feel like the end of the world, are sometimes only the beginning of a new one. 

Surviving against pressure is a funny thing. It’s like the coal to diamond transformation; you wouldn’t believe it until it happened. When things get hard, it can be all too understandable to just stop and think that it’s not worth it or that it’s not going anywhere. Of course, it’s understandable. It’s human nature. You want to survive and the things that make that difficult make you think it won’t aid in your survival. But what if you survive without the struggle, and find that there’s nothing on the other side.

I’ve done both things. I’ve done the whole “I give it, it’s not worth it” thing but then I’ve also done the “I am sticking this out because I know it’ll be worth it” thing.
And I infinitely prefer the latter. Because even if nothing comes of it, you tried and the resilience of learning to try is the greatest feeling ever. At least, it is to me! And apparently to tons of the most successful people out there. Google the person that inspires you most, and I guarantee that 9 times out of 10, it took them a long time to get to where they are now. But the fact that they got there means it’s doable. So do it.

There’s a rush to it; a feeling that your chemistry has been altered by the act of sticking it out and seeing something come to life. I don’t think we can teach ourselves to be resilient just by thinking we should. I feel as though it’s about getting to your breaking point, letting yourself break and then putting the pieces back in place, but in a stronger composition. So that next time, you don’t break as easily, you just bend. And then the time after that, and after that, you never break again.

There’s an art to sticking it out, after rejection and after compromise and after failing. To me, part of that comes from having a support system. Having someone who reminds you to push back and to keep trying again. I think we can find that support in different places; family, friends, corners of the internet that just get you, or pets even!

After bouncing back is when the best things happen. That resilience shows you that no project or activity is ever bad enough; it’s about finding the right composition that makes sense for you. If it didn’t work this time, who’s to say it won’t next time.

If you’re reading this now, and are struggling to make something work out the way that you want, see if there’s another way around it. You’ll get there in the end!

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #42 - Believing in your Potential

To anyone struggling with believing in themselves,

Over the last year, I’ve had to work hard at not underestimating myself, because if I had, there are a number of things that wouldn’t have happened. But getting to that point of truly believing that I had the potential, to do the things I wanted, was really really difficult.

I feel like maybe it’s a part of being British, but self-deprecation is like a finely honed skill for us. We minimise our abilities or our talents in a rather dismissive way and this is an act that, while seemingly harmless, over time can end up seeping in and being believed.

For all the times, I would jokingly dismiss something that was pretty great about myself, I would end up genuinely thinking that in the end. Maybe not completely but to enough of an extent that it gave my confidence a direct knock on the head. 

If you have enough of those knocks, then what is there left to believe in? If we can’t be our own loudest cheerleaders, then how can we even trust when others try to help us I’m realising it?

So all of those little niggling questions made me think about how I was thinking about my own potential. I was only ever half-way believing that I could do things. When that’s the case, how could I ever actively do enough to fulfil the full amount of my potential?

Don't put yourself down

I found that I had to shut down that voice in my head that would tell me to dismiss or scoff at compliments about myself. This was really hard. I’m the first one to say “oh but it’s only...”, by way of negating whatever has been tossed my way. Words like “only” and “just” are like negative qualifiers that I hadn’t noticed I used so often. But once I took note, I got gradually get a handle on it.

List everything
The next thing that was the major contributor to genuinely believing in myself was listing it. I love lists, they’re the perfect way of organising chaos and chaotic, brain dump lists are my favourite. I literally sat down and wrote down all the things that I thought I was good at. I didn’t consult with anyone else. This was solely about me and what I believed about myself. I wrote and wrote and wrote until I was satisfied that I had covered enough. Then I took a photo of the list and saved it as my phone’s lock screen photo. This was a great way to remind myself of the things that I could do, when I would falter or face a setback. It was nice to have something to look at and remember that before that setback, this is what I saw in myself. And that what I saw was pretty great! 

Ask someone else
If that doesn’t help as much as it could, then my final go-to was to ask someone I trusted whether they thought I could do it. I found that for me, it was going to my mum; she would give me tough love and I would be confident that whatever she was saying was from a place of love but also a place of responsibility, so as not to give me false hope. My mum is the first person to tell me when I’m absolutely rubbish at something. But she’s also the first to sing my praises.

So if all else fails, find someone who will give you a kind but truthful answer as to your potential. If it’s about something work-related, maybe a colleague would be best. If it’s about your personal development, I found friends and family to be better at knowing me.

So if you’re reading this and feeling a bit off about yourself and your potential to do or be anything you want, break it down and do these three things and I hope that they help. If nothing else, list the things you’re capable of. I’m sure the list will be longer than you think.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #41 - Taking a Moment for Positivity

To anyone who takes the time to read,

I've been absent from this site for far longer than I planned and I can't really explain it other than to say I had to go through a bit of a mindset adjustment.

I went from a place of pathetic wallowing for the first half of last year to then finding a kind of “peace” from which amazing things happened. Like bucket list things! Okay, maybe just one thing... but that’s one more than there would have been, had I not had a change to my thinking.

If I’m honest, I love a pity party at times. There’s moments where it is absolutely allowed, when things just categorically suck, but then sometimes it’s really not as bad as you think. This blog was never meant to be a place for my negativity but instead a way for accountability and growing out of such feelings. Easier said than done, clearly.

I can only assume that that past year was my “quarter life crisis”, my ungrateful millennial phase, but I don't know if it was. I know that at some point, I got tired before my time. I got tired of trying and putting everything in to my ideas and dreams and whimsies. I got tired and I got afraid. (I can literally hear your eye rolling, but bear with me!) But beyond the fear and the apathy, was a deep need to accomplish. But it was also not something that seemed to come into existence in the way in which I had hoped it would.

So all I could do was figure out a change that needed to be made or remain stagnant. I chose change. 

I remember being younger, and asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist. Without even taking a moment to think, I blurted out “pessimist”, to the surprise of my teachers. A 10 year old is not meant to be pessimistic, it seemed. But for years, I said that it was just my nature. To worry and plan and hold my breath for the moment things went wrong. Because to me, the glass was always half empty and I was just waiting for everyone else to realise that. To say I was a worrier would be an understatement. 

I was always surprised when things would go my way, from good grades to things I was trying to achieve in my personal life. Because there was always a part of me that held my breath and went into everything thinking it wouldn’t work out.

But then when the disappointing thing happened last year, I expected it. I had a little cry and then I shrugged. Realistically I hadn’t expected it to happen. I was still holding my breath. Until my mum noticed that my negative thinking as always been a dark cloud over everything I do. That I have the potential to achieve the things I want, but that if I can’t believe it for myself then why should anyone else take a chance on me? 

It made sense but what could I do? It was just my nature. My mother did not agree. She thought positive thinking was all I needed to work on. I had never put much faith in that. How could simple imagination make things happen? It seemed wishy washy and not at all something I should take seriously.

Now let's just say, at that point, I would try anything. It’s not like my way had worked. 

So I gave it another shot, this time changing my mindset. Now, it’s not really as easy as simply snapping my fingers. I had to force the change. I had to become aware of my thoughts and my feelings, and make an active effort to correct them when they went back to their ways of “it won’t happen”, and “this is dumb”.

I found that meditation helped; starting each day with a calm mind and thinking that I can and I will accomplish my tasks for that day. And when meditation didn’t work, I prayed on it. Between the two practices, I had my bases covered and it did make a difference.

I was actually excited to see how things panned out, instead of hesitant and having an expectation of disappointment from the get go. I tried, and I reminded myself that even if it didn’t work, what did I really have to lose? I still had my health, my family and friend and my home. I would only be “behind” on my own schedule. In the grand scheme of things, it would be a blip, not an explosion. 

 As if on cue, things started working out. I finished projects that were 10 years old, I got back into enjoying things that I had convinced myself were pointless failures and I achieved my ultimate goal... but that’s a story for another day!

This was just a little catch up on how positivity can truly make a difference. Not a magical difference, but one that affects your personality and our thoughts and in turn, your actions. I was proved wrong; there is nothing wishy-washy about it. So give it a try if you’re not the most hopeful person, and if you are, keep on doing what you do.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #40 - 23 Things I've Learnt In 23 Years

Dear readers,

It was my 23rd birthday this week, and I figured I'd borrow an idea that's been floating around the blogosphere for a couple of years. Since I'm always up for a bit of self reflection, I thought I'd reflect on what I've learnt over the years. 

Here's 23 things I've learnt over my 23 years:

1 - Always moisturise, regardless of how lazy you feel. You will feel awful in the morning, when you wake up with irritated dry patchy skin. Don't do it! Skincare is too important to skimp on.

2 - Always keep a book in your handbag (or download a few onto your phone/tablet). You'll look really put together to anyone who might see you and you'll never be bored.

3 - Sometimes cake for breakfast is the only way to go. Don't knock it until you've tried it and don't feel guilty while you do.

4 - Smile at strangers (and retail workers). You never know what such a small gesture could mean to someone. If you have the chance to make someone smile, always take it.

5 - Feeling like your life is slowly falling apart is natural.It's not just you and it takes time to get to a place of stability. Even that hardly lasts long.

6 - When someone shows you their true colours, believe them. Seeing the good is one thing, but trying to find good when it isn't there is another entirely.

7 - Take time for your family, always. If you stop and think about it, your siblings are growing up and your parents are growing older. Don't take time for granted.

8 - Sometimes a day of sleeping in and lazing around is a good idea. When the world gets too loud, take it as a cue to take a break.

9 - Perspective is so important. It can change a world ending disaster into a blessed new chapter. Try it!

10 - Your health is something only you can comment on. Don't let someone else tell you that you're healthy or otherwise, if you don't think that's the case. You know your body.

11 - Education doesn't end once you're out of school. Your desire to learn may well be more prominent when you can choose what and when you want to learn. 

12 - Taking time out for yourself does not make you selfish!

13 - Always always always wear your retainer! If you've had to go through years of braces and treatments, why would you risk it all getting ruined by your sheer laziness? (I speak from experience of being that lazy idiot).

14 - Do not scroll through Instagram when you're having a bad day. It will make you feel worse.

15 - Scroll through Pinterest instead and just see as you feel all warm and fuzzy. If that fails, cute animal videos on YouTube are always a win!

16 - Baking is therapeutic to me. I don't even need to eat the goods; sharing is caring.

17 - Waking up before the sun rises, and watching it come up, is a great start to any day.

18 - Sleep is important and we all need different amounts of it. Don't feel lazy if you sleep a bit longer every night than the next person.

19 - No matter how old you get, a hug from a loved one will fix all manner of sins.

20 - If a hug isn't feasible, a cup of tea will work wonders.

21 - Stop comparing lives, successes or failures. Just be your own biggest fan and just do you!

22 - No matter how out of reach your dreams may be, try and try again. There's nothing worse than unfulfilled potential. "What ifs" are no fun.

23 - Just have fun and don't take yourself too seriously. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you!

It was surprising quite difficult to think of enough points, but digging a little deeper and reflecting is always a good thing.

That's all from me for now. 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #39 - La La Land // Here's To The Ones Who Dream

To anyone who needs a mood lifter,

SPOILER ALERT: This whole post contains spoilers, so go and watch La La Land, first!!

Just to give you a tiny clue of how this post is going to go, I'll explain how I came to be here, writing right now. I just watched La La Land finally, and it made me feel so full of emotion and life that I'm writing this on my phone while sitting in silence on the car ride home. I genuinely want to sit here for as long as I can, in this bubble of inspiration and joy that that production has put me in. It was beautiful and breathtaking and brilliant. (Yay, for alliteration!)

I don't really know what I'm writing yet, this isn't a review. It's more about how the movie made me feel, I suppose. And isn't that the whole purpose of a good film? To leave you raving about it.

So I was intrigued by the trailers that popped up before every YouTube video for weeks and then I heard the hype around it and then its success during awards seasons but I had still pretty much avoided hearing anything "spoiler-like" and so I didn't really know what to expect or even if I was going to watch it. 

A few days ago, my younger brother, watched a late night showing of it with some friends and at around 1am, I was awoken by the buzzing of my phone and my brother raving about this beautiful piece of artistry. He was talking about the cinematography and the colours and all of this other stuff, as though it was an average day and he speaks like that on a daily basis. Disclaimer - he really doesn't! The most you can get him to articulate is "'sup, bro."

So being the typical older sibling who had to be in the know, I had to watch it ASAP. But I also hate cinemas for movies like this. Those thoughtful, carefully painted pictures that need true appreciation. I hate to have to watch them in a crowd of faces, most of whom are rustling and whispering away, missing something magical happening before them. I ended up going to a daytime showing with my mum as a compromise. At least I knew she would appreciate it. There were maybe 6 others in the room.

Now, one thing about me is that I live by the saying "don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed." I heard the hype and how well received this movie was but I was still going into it with a lot of scepticism because generally I'm disappointed by the movies with hype. 

It only took until the end of the opening sequence for me to be proven wrong. That alone was so full of colour and fun that I knew I couldn't not enjoy this film. And enjoy it I did. I absorbed it; literally soaking in the beauty of this piece of work. This piece of art. 

Now, again, I'm not normally like this. I don't get precious about movies; it's usually tv shows that take my focus and even then solely for character development. But this was a production and a merging of so many things, that I feel it needs a category all of its own. There was fantastic film-making, an amazing score, music, dancing, colour, light and then the most lovable simple story, with such real characters that I could imagine superimposing myself into the story and it would still make sense.

It is a love letter to classic Hollywood and that was evident to me from the start but it gave the whole thing a timeless, classic quality. This film will stand the test of time.

The basic premise of the movie is a love story between the characters of Mia and Seb, but it's about so much more than that. They have hopes and dreams and their own creative paths to follow and it's about how important it is to have those people who support and push you as long as you don't lose sight of your end goals. 

It's about choices, and moments, and courage, and persistence, and dreams, and above all passion. A great line by Mia, is "people love what other people are passionate about" and it's true. The greatest people in the world are those with hopes and interests and plans so far fetched that you hope for their sakes that they follow through with them, because it would be amazing when it became a reality.

Another line that really stuck with me was "they worship everything and they value nothing" as Seb spoke about LA and his love of jazz. He valued it as an entity and stuck by it regardless of how many times he was told "jazz is dead." In this day and age everything is readily available, that interests wane after a mere moment before the next fad comes along and it was great to see someone so determined to love what he loved and do what mattered to him. 

As someone who has many creative dreams but a practical brain that usually overrides them, this movie was a perfect kick up the backside for me. Take the chances, do the things, live the life.

At the end of the day, this film highlighted how important it can be to follow through with your dreams and not put them on hold for a relationship. Mia and Seb both give up on their dreams at certain points; Mia out of sheer heartbreak of all the setbacks, and Seb out of a desire to have a steady job and lifestyle.

I've heard lots of people say how they cried so much while watching and I was confused by my reaction. I smiled with teeth throughout most of it. So much so that my jaw and face muscles ached at the end but like I've mentioned before, it was an uplifting, hopeful piece of work. 

The one time I did cry was a scene towards the end, where Mia has given up on her acting dreams and gone back to her hometown. Seb drives up to give her the good news of a callback and as they argue about it, she breaks. She looks utterly shattered as she cries "maybe I'm not good enough." I broke, there and then. I'm sure we've all felt crippled by life and not being at the stage we thought we would be, and putting it down to not being enough and it was so completely relatable, that it was heartbreaking. 

For all their hopes and dreams, they both worked exceptionally hard to make them realities; while that involved Seb selling out for a while and having to be reminded of the importance of his original dream, or Mia working night and day to write herself a role in a one woman show, and paying for the production to go on. They both paid their dues.

The ending was one that I've heard referred to as sad, but I'd say it's more bittersweet and those are the best endings. Where you know that someone got what they wanted but sacrificed a lot to get there. It's realistic and it's raw and it's true to human nature. 

There's always this idea that if the aim of a story is for a couple to fall for each other, then it's not a satisfying ending unless they do. I don't agree. To know that they grew and got their dreams was satisfying enough for me. Because you can't always have it all and that's just life for you. It's especially poignant in this modern time where career does take over for most of us but it's a choice to be made just the same. And like they said, they would always love each other regardless.

There's a sequence in the last ten minutes that shows an alternate reality for the two of them, where they would have been married with a child and they'd be happy and together and it's beautiful. I was reminded that the choices we make are so important. The moments that we will look back on may not be the most important or interesting at the time but we'll look back and wonder how it could have gone.

Anyway, this is getting way too long but if you can't tell, I love this movie and it'll be my new favourite and I doubt anything will beat it for a long time to come.

A quick mention to the music, and the songs. I'm listening to the soundtrack as I write. The fact that Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone are not trained Broadway singers adds so much to the songs, because their voices have their own quirks and it comes through in a way that makes it so easy to listen to. Also, the way they depict jazz is lovely and I dare you to watch this movie without tapping a foot to the beat, or moving your shoulders and simply wanting to get up and dance with them! 

A final note has to go to Mia as a character; she's everything I wish I could be. She's strong, and focused and so unwavering in her belief that this is what she has to do as well as being incredibly supportive to Seb and pushing him to remember his dreams. It's great and her wardrobe is perfect. I'm now going to be on the hunt for the perfect yellow day dress. And then I'm naturally going to pair it with tap shoes! 

It may have been over 2 hours long, but it felt as though it passed in a blink of an eye. I could have sat in the screening, watching it on repeat! (I'm not joking. If that's an option, I'll take it)

And that's me done for now. If you've watched La La Land (which I hope you have or else I've spoiled it for you...) then let me know what you thought. It's also totally fine not to have felt everything from this movie as deeply as I did, or at all. 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z