Letter #50 - Take The Power Away From Your Fears

To anyone who wants to take control of their fears,

Whenever I’m having an off day, when I’m feeling out of sorts, there’s usually a root cause or a stressor that I haven’t yet put my finger on. So instead, I just feel wrong for a couple days until I figure it out. It’s like for those two or three days, I’m just waking from a dream and I can’t wake fast enough to catch the dream before I forget it. Like that, my thoughts can run away faster than I can keep track of them. If I can’t keep track of them, I can’t get to the problem.

Now there’s nothing wrong with having an off day; I don’t think it’s humanly possible not to, but there are sometimes times when I can’t afford to have an off day. Say I’ve got a really important work project or an exam, and I’m too busy getting caught up in feeling bad to focus and yet, focus is the only thing I need in those moments. Well, when that happens, I’ve always needed to get out of my head and fix the problem quickly so it can’t bother me for the time being.

I had to go through a lot of trial and error over the years, but I figured out what works for me and I’ve had others try it too and so far, I’ve not had any complaints. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it is a comforting little practice.

I just make a list, brain-dumping everything that’s worrying me onto a piece of paper. Now, I’m all for the digital age, but for this to work properly, you need use put actual pen to a literal sheet of paper and not just type it out. All my anxieties, fears, uncertainty, I get it all out and onto the paper. I got through things systematically; I’ll start with things in my professional life, like deadlines or difficult work, then move onto my personal life and my relationships before finally listing my personal feelings and thoughts about myself. I get it all out of my head and in front of me.

Now this is where the therapy begins.

There are three ways of doing this, that I use at least. The first is to take that list of fears and rip it to shreds. I’ll tear it into tiny tiny pieces until it resembles confetti, and then likes symbolic of how those thoughts and fears are gone, for the time being at least. The physical act of the ripping helps a lot as it feels like I’ve destroyed the ideas on that piece of paper.

The next alternative that soothes the child in me is to take that sheet of paper to a sink and set fire to it. This is go to method, just because it feels the more freeing to me when I can see the negativity literally go up in flames. It is no longer something to concern myself with.

The last option is a great one too. This is a much calmer method but no less powerful. This method works best if you’ve used an ink/fountain pen to write your list. Biro will not have the same effect. You get a bowl of water, and you place the paper into the water. With an ink pen, you’ll be able to see the ink leaking and floating away, just like the words that make up your fears and problems. You can see them dissolve away and it’s a release. 

All three methods are a release and maybe there’s other way that you can come up with, but the essence of the practice is that it frees your mind up by drawing out the negativity and admitting it. It’s also easier to admit to a sheet of paper, in private, if you then know that you’re destroying that paper. There’s less vulnerability or concern that someone might find the paper and your sensitive thoughts. Trust me, it’s much easier that you think it might be.

In the end, you might not even find the cause of your off day, but you’ll feel somewhat lighter either way and that’ll go a long way in helping you to feel more like yourself much quicker. At least, it does for me.

So I hope this helps, and that if you’re in need of it, you can give it a try and find some level of satisfaction in destroying your fears.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #33 - Winter is coming

Dear all,

I'm so excited it's December! The minute the calendar flips, I always feel that little more cosy and safe. I know it's officially astronomically not winter yet, but for me, it is as soon as December arrives.

Winter is absolutely my favourite of all seasons and it's such a festive season at that. The fact that Christmas and New Years tie off the month make it all the more special.

Now I don't celebrate Christmas, but I love the idea. Yes, it may be commercial and more a holiday for marketing teams now but once in the swing of things, it creates such a nice atmosphere. The lights, the food, the indulgence and the chance to celebrate the year are all wrapped up in one. In essence, it's just all so pretty and I am basic enough to indulge in that and be proud of it.

This is the first year since I was about 12 that I've had a truly free holiday season. When you're in school, this was the time for term tests and extra holiday homework or as you get to university, it's the only time you have to study for exams which arrive with the new year. I am going to completely enjoy myself this month as I end the year.

So I thought I'd talk a bit about some of my favourite aspects of winter time is general. I know I'm not alone in my love for this time of year.

The air is beautiful

You know what I'm talking about. On the perfect mid winter's day, the skies will be clear and the air will feel crisp and fresh, and while you shiver, you'll also feel refreshed at the sensation. We've had a few of those days already this year, and as the weather gets even colder, I'm sure we'll have more. It makes a change to rain, and wind and even the humid summer months. I'm not at all a fan of summer, and spring and autumn tend to be too rainy for me. Winter is perfectly at peace.

The lights as they glow

In part because of how early darkness hits us, the lights can be a welcome reprieve as the sun takes its leave (that rhymed haha!). As soon as Halloween has come and gone, the Christmas preparations begin and fill the spaces of darkness with colourful and vibrant displays of light. I look forward to the annual switching on of the lights around town and the displays are beautiful. The absolute best place to witness beautiful displays and lights in my opinion is anywhere in London. There is always such a synchronicity between the store front displays and the street lights everywhere you turn. I think my love of lights and displays is similar to that of most people, but there's something about bright spots of colour dotted around an area that gives it an almost magical quality. It so perfectly complements the early darkness.

Darkness feeds my soul

As I just mentioned, it gets dark very early on in the day, usually around 4pm and alongside this, the sun is also late to rise. That is the part of the day that is my favourite. I'm an early riser most of the time, and by 6am, my eyes will open and I will have to debate whether to get up or to force myself to catch up with whatever dream I was consumed in. In the summer months, there is a busy atmosphere much earlier in the day as the sun usually peeks in through the curtains and people gladly begin their days. However, I hate that busy feeling and I much prefer solitude first time in the morning. I may be an early riser but that does not make me a "morning person". Frankly, I think of morning people as those who jump up with a smile on their face, eager to begin the day with a chat and some socialisation. I, however, much prefer a slow morning. That is the only way I can enjoy a morning properly.

I feel like I'm off on a tangent but basically, I like quiet and alone time when I wake and the winter grants that to me. I can get up at 6am, slowly become alert, and have a leisurely breakfast while other either sleep or get up with a grumble. Either way, they're not in the mood to bother me and I love that.

I also feel more productive like that, as thought I've beaten the sun to the finish line! See, I told you the darkness feeds my soul.

Excuse for sweet treats

There is a smell and a taste to winter and I think that might be my most favourite part of all. It's the season of warming soups, and hearty comfort meals; both of which I highly approve of indulging in. But it's also a time of celebration and as such, sweeties are called for. As someone who loves to bake, Christmas time is my go to for that. I become inspired and caught up in the smell of spices and fruit and it makes me more likely to bake. Cinnamon is the best smell to ever have in a kitchen and it's such a winter flavour that I can go a bit overboard with it.

As it's the season of giving, I can gift a lot of what I bake and that makes it all the more sweet when I do indulge in my treats for myself.

What inspires you in the winter and do you have a favourite month or season?

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #29 - What you know is up to you!

To anyone who is reading this,

I've been wracking my brains, forcing myself to produce content and I've hit a roadblock. There was a never a goal for this blog; I never had a plan as to how I would approach this task. I just wanted to write. And I enjoy writing and it's my favourite pastime but a lot of what I write is the just random internal musings. Before this blog, I had two novel ideas on the go and then I lost faith in my ability to write well enough.

This blog was supposed to be a place for me to keep writing without the pressure of having a finished product. Those novels are currently sitting gathering dust but I never forget about them. A huge part of why I stopped developing them was that I felt that I was too young. Too inexperienced. Couldn't possibly perceive the world. And I do see that when I read back over work that I wrote when I was 16 years old. But I also see a lot of insight and understanding about things that I hadn't experienced at the time.

It was always the phrase "write what you know" that got to me and allowed me to falter when I should have pushed on. I felt that the things that I "knew" where not interesting enough to write about and to create a story from. But then what do any of us know?

If we can only know what we have experienced then there is a lot that I shouldn't know and neither should you. But I think it comes down to the type of person that you are. This is totally just my opinion by the way.

I feel like there are two types of people in the world. There are those who need to live out every action and essentially make the mistakes that they can the learn from. They're the people who need to touch flames to believe that they will be burnt. Then there are those that can understand an idea, to a certain extent of course, and develop an opinion through what they know of that idea. They can logically put two and two together and always get four. These people don't need to experience something to know that it will be bad for them or for the situation.

It may sound boring and tentative but I know that I'm part of the latter half. I think it makes me a realist, rather than a sceptic. I've always had a way of understanding more than I should have at the time. I think that's what people mean when they say that  someone is an old soul. It simply means that they know more than their age dictates.

If I think back, my opinions at 16 were definitely not perfect and they were very black and white, with no room for the grey area. But even then, I did understand that the grey area existed and was important to some people. I just didn't think I was one of them.

Now if I look at myself, I am very much a believer of the importance of circumstance surrounding situations and as such, I proactively live in the grey area, with much fewer definitive opinions. To some, that alone is enough to say that clearly experience has had an effect on me and I have matured. I'd say they were right and wrong all at the same time.

My capacity for understanding was exactly the same; I still understood situations with the same level of thought back then as I do know. The difference is only in the fact that my values have developed.

This is a really convoluted post but I was basically just saying that if you're a little stuck in life, figure out which type of person you are and from there, you can figure out a course of action. Try it and let me know if it works for you!

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #4 - Relax.

Dear readers,

I found this quote on Pinterest this morning at the absolute moment that I needed it. I wasn't planning on uploading anything at all until the semester was over and yet reading that compelled me to get back to this; to writing and to doing what I love. And most importantly, it reminded me to relax!

Society as a whole is so busy nowadays and the world is bustling with people doing amazing, beautiful, creative things every second of every day. But with that achievement of doing things, there can also be an underlying pressure to achieve more and do more and be more. And with that, people burn out. Right now, I'm watching myself burn out and turn into this wandering wreck of a person. And yet I have maybe only lived a quarter of my life and I am already condemning myself as a ‘failure’.

The line that really resonated with me was that “time takes time”. I think that is so aptly put. Time as a concept is not something we can control; it will do things in its own way and definitely in its own time :P the way that modern life goes, we are far too used to control and order and rigidity in our lives that when things are out of our control, we don’t know how to process it. Just because we have given time a name and given a day the set number of hours that we have, and the weeks and months are numbered and named as we want them to be, that does not mean that we grow and blossom with the time that passes. Unfortunately in watching the clock and in counting down the time it will take you to be an adult, to get a career, to find love, to live happily ever after, we don’t notice the things that pass us by. The days that we won’t and can’t get back.

I will never get back this time that I am spending in writing this post and I will never feel exactly the same as I do in this moment. But I'm glad for that, because right now I'm content in letting my life happen the way it needs to happen. Regardless of the people I know and the deadlines I have and all the other stress in my life. I just need to live to the best of my ability and feel things as strongly as they come. In doing this, I won’t fail at life. At least not today.

Until next time, be inspired…

Love,

Z