Letter #50 - Take The Power Away From Your Fears

To anyone who wants to take control of their fears,

Whenever I’m having an off day, when I’m feeling out of sorts, there’s usually a root cause or a stressor that I haven’t yet put my finger on. So instead, I just feel wrong for a couple days until I figure it out. It’s like for those two or three days, I’m just waking from a dream and I can’t wake fast enough to catch the dream before I forget it. Like that, my thoughts can run away faster than I can keep track of them. If I can’t keep track of them, I can’t get to the problem.

Now there’s nothing wrong with having an off day; I don’t think it’s humanly possible not to, but there are sometimes times when I can’t afford to have an off day. Say I’ve got a really important work project or an exam, and I’m too busy getting caught up in feeling bad to focus and yet, focus is the only thing I need in those moments. Well, when that happens, I’ve always needed to get out of my head and fix the problem quickly so it can’t bother me for the time being.

I had to go through a lot of trial and error over the years, but I figured out what works for me and I’ve had others try it too and so far, I’ve not had any complaints. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it is a comforting little practice.

I just make a list, brain-dumping everything that’s worrying me onto a piece of paper. Now, I’m all for the digital age, but for this to work properly, you need use put actual pen to a literal sheet of paper and not just type it out. All my anxieties, fears, uncertainty, I get it all out and onto the paper. I got through things systematically; I’ll start with things in my professional life, like deadlines or difficult work, then move onto my personal life and my relationships before finally listing my personal feelings and thoughts about myself. I get it all out of my head and in front of me.

Now this is where the therapy begins.

There are three ways of doing this, that I use at least. The first is to take that list of fears and rip it to shreds. I’ll tear it into tiny tiny pieces until it resembles confetti, and then likes symbolic of how those thoughts and fears are gone, for the time being at least. The physical act of the ripping helps a lot as it feels like I’ve destroyed the ideas on that piece of paper.

The next alternative that soothes the child in me is to take that sheet of paper to a sink and set fire to it. This is go to method, just because it feels the more freeing to me when I can see the negativity literally go up in flames. It is no longer something to concern myself with.

The last option is a great one too. This is a much calmer method but no less powerful. This method works best if you’ve used an ink/fountain pen to write your list. Biro will not have the same effect. You get a bowl of water, and you place the paper into the water. With an ink pen, you’ll be able to see the ink leaking and floating away, just like the words that make up your fears and problems. You can see them dissolve away and it’s a release. 

All three methods are a release and maybe there’s other way that you can come up with, but the essence of the practice is that it frees your mind up by drawing out the negativity and admitting it. It’s also easier to admit to a sheet of paper, in private, if you then know that you’re destroying that paper. There’s less vulnerability or concern that someone might find the paper and your sensitive thoughts. Trust me, it’s much easier that you think it might be.

In the end, you might not even find the cause of your off day, but you’ll feel somewhat lighter either way and that’ll go a long way in helping you to feel more like yourself much quicker. At least, it does for me.

So I hope this helps, and that if you’re in need of it, you can give it a try and find some level of satisfaction in destroying your fears.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #49 - Don’t Let Expectations Hold You Prisoner

To anyone who needs a reminder,

So this post was meant to be up yesterday, since I’m doing this whole ‘every day in May’ thing, but while that was what was expected of me, by myself, it doesn’t mean it actually happened.

Instead, I worried about what to write about and faced a bit of a drought. The last 8 days have gone pretty well, even though I could feel myself petering out of the flow, every day. I started the month so prepared, with 4 posts ready and waiting before the first of the month even arrived. And they were all pretty long, substantial posts of close to 1000 words. It still wasn’t meeting my expeditions however, as I had also hoped to have photos to go with each post. I had to give up that idea pretty quickly but it wasn’t the end of the world and I just powered through with creating a backlog of posts for the month, and for the days that would get too hectic. This is much easier said than done.

The next expectation I had give up was that I would have each post up by 11am every day. The first couple of days I even managed 10am! But for me and how I’m living right now, it isn’t always sustainable. Sometimes things come up, people need help or favours that I have agreed to. And then there’s the everyday monotony that has to be contended with. The things that just need to get done, like feeding myself or hanging out with my brother in the evenings. These things can’t be moved around and I wouldn’t want them to be, so I have to instead move around my posts as they are more flexible to me, as a priority. My last few posts were pretty close to the end of the day, because I had literally written them half an hour before hitting publish at 11pm. But I still got it done and that was something that I was content with.

This last expectation is one that I really really wanted to follow through on for the entire month; to post every day was important to me as an experiment to myself that I could do it. And as of last night, that expectation is also one I haven’t met. I couldn’t even force it last night. It’s not that I didn’t have a single second to try. I mean I got into bed at 10pm, I had time there to try to bash something out but I was so so done with the day. I needed the day to be over and that meant sleeping it off. Even as I slept though, my mind wanted to get someone out. I literally dreamt I was writing this post and then woke up around 3am really confused and way too warm. It just wasn’t meant to be.

I came to the realisation this morning that I can’t force content out of thin air. My thoughts and opinions come from my life. They come about as a response to things I’ve seen or overheard, or ideas that have occurred to me over time. I can’t just pick a topic and decide to waffle on (as much as I love waffling, it doesn’t always work!). While I’ve been writing this week, I haven’t been doing a lot else for leisure. I haven’t been reading blogs, or listening to podcasts or even music or doing anything simply for the joy of it. I’ve been doing things out of an expectation that I should be doing them. That’s not fair to me and it’s not sustainable, in the way that I function best.

But at least I’ve allowed myself to notice that having expectations can work for some, but be a source of stress for others. I can’t expect each day to match the last or be better than it. Everything can’t always be great and that’s okay. It’s all survivable and manageable and in the end, it’s not like my world has exploded as a result of it. I have the luxury of that lack of urgency at least. I need to remember to be grateful for that.

That’s all from me, but hopefully you can be expecting another post from me before the day is out. That’s an expectation I’m happy to work towards! 

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #48 - Having A Non-Routine Routine

To anyone without the organisation gene,

I feel like among the people I know, I’m in the minority when it comes to my take on organisation and routine. I’m of the view that “organised chaos” is a thing and it is a fairly acceptable means of organisation, if it work for you. 

For me, it does. If my desk is a mess, I will still know where to find things in that mess, because I remember putting them there. If someone comes and tidies my room without me knowing, to me that is a mess, because I can’t find what I need when I need it. In the same way, when it comes to routine, some people need to have a strict timeline that they follow, which is the only way they get anything done. Planners are used to their full extent and timing are obeyed down to the minute. That’s absolutely great, if you can manage that.

I cannot. 

For me, a routine is pretty non-existent. I don’t and can’t do things at set times. If I tried, something would get in the way and I would fail; this would bother me more than just not setting a timeline in the first place. I can’t fail when I haven’t got it on my radar in the first place. However, while I don’t restrict myself to times, I do still have daily goals or aims. Things that I hope to do before the day is out. Like writing for this blog.

This month, I’ve been waking up knowing that I’m going to get one post done every day. I just don’t know when that may be. It might be that, as soon as I wake up, I open google docs and bash something out. But alternatively, I may not have anything to say until 9pm, and then the post is later. But it is still completed and to me, that’s the most important part.

Of course, if there are deadlines and responsibility to adhere to, I won’t neglect them. I’ll just give myself enough time and enough days to do the work without forcing a restrictive timeline on myself.

I’m a big believer in breaking up the day to stay focused. Even if I could get 4 short tasks done in one sitting, this might mean that after that point, I get bored and demotivated, and then the rest of the day is lost. But if I use those shorter, easier tasks as breaks between longer, more difficult things, then I get more satisfaction and feel more productive. This is great, because I end my days feeling better about myself.

I suppose all I want to say on this topic is that your idea of a routine doesn’t have to match someone else’s, and for a long time, I would feel bad for not being as excessively organised as some people. Eventually I had to just develop a respect for myself and my personality and understand that when it comes to routine, I need a more open path than others. I’m more laidback as a person, and I think that reflects in my needs in  day to day life. I’m also annoying late, but that’s a story for another day!

So if you’re super organised, I would love to pick your brain as to how you manage it; if you’re not, then you do you and don’t put pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #47 - Being a Work-In-Progress

To anyone who feels incomplete,

I was thinking about being complete, the other day. When we think of our futures, don’t most of us think that at some point we’ll be done, settled and our lives will be complete? There’s this idea that you’re doing to reach a point where you don’t need to do or be more. I know when I was young, I thought that 40 was the end of the road, and that I had to complete everything on my bucket list by then or else life would have been pointless. Saying that now, it just seems silly yet at the same time, a part of me has those worries.

I look at myself at 24, and this is not what I pictured for myself but it’s not a bad life and I’m still working towards the things I pictured. But I am very much a work in progress. I’m not finished with my goals, not by a long shot! I can see myself having to be a work in progress for the rest of my life and I’ve only just now thought of how that’s entirely okay. 

To me, being a work in progress means having new ideas and making changes in your life, because if you stay still for too long, that doesn’t necessarily make you complete, more likely just unfinished. And I don’t ever want to be unfinished.

I think that trying new things, travelling, working, exploring yourself and your life, all lead to self improvement and that’s progress in a positive direction. It’s progress that you can always work on and work towards. As long as I’m trying to achieve something, or better myself, I’m going to keep moving forward toward that feeling of “being complete”. Yet, I will never be complete until I decide that I am.

Life isn’t still - if it was, it’d be really boring - and so doing things and having goals is what makes life interesting. It’s what gives life life. With this idea, being a work in progress, being incomplete in your life’s journey is part of the fun. If we stress less about what hasn’t happened and instead see it as things to look forward to, things that are going to happen at some point, then life would be so much more fun. It would be an adventure.

So that’s the conclusion I’ve come to; I’m fine with being a work in progress until I decide that I’m done and that feeling of contentment and decision will be when I’m complete. That’s totally fine with me. It will be my choice and on my terms, without some imagined finish line that has to match anyone else’s.

I hope that you can join me in seeing life this way, with an excitement for the unfinished nature of life and all the adventures that are yet to come.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #43 - Resilience Is The Best Thing Life Can Teach You

To those who will be starting again soon,

At this time of year, I always think about the end of school, or more recently university. Around this time two years ago, I had handed in my dissertation and had my final exams and I thought the hard part was over.

I could not have been more wrong! I thought that having my degree and knowing all that I’d learnt would mean that the change involved in getting a job or just growing up into a functioning adult would be more of a step than a leap. It would be a minor thing, rather than something consuming my waking moments. 

I know that I wasn’t alone in this feeling of too much pressure and feeling like you’re falling at every new step. I’ve been thinking about those difficulties now, two years on, when myself and all of my friend have become more settled in their lives since that point. With further study, or finding the perfect job, their resilience paid off. But I don’t think any of us thought that at the time.

So it got me thinking that there are probably others out there right now, going through this exact thing. And that’s not to say that people don’t have regular changes and problems in life, just that the ones that feel like the end of the world, are sometimes only the beginning of a new one. 

Surviving against pressure is a funny thing. It’s like the coal to diamond transformation; you wouldn’t believe it until it happened. When things get hard, it can be all too understandable to just stop and think that it’s not worth it or that it’s not going anywhere. Of course, it’s understandable. It’s human nature. You want to survive and the things that make that difficult make you think it won’t aid in your survival. But what if you survive without the struggle, and find that there’s nothing on the other side.

I’ve done both things. I’ve done the whole “I give it, it’s not worth it” thing but then I’ve also done the “I am sticking this out because I know it’ll be worth it” thing.
And I infinitely prefer the latter. Because even if nothing comes of it, you tried and the resilience of learning to try is the greatest feeling ever. At least, it is to me! And apparently to tons of the most successful people out there. Google the person that inspires you most, and I guarantee that 9 times out of 10, it took them a long time to get to where they are now. But the fact that they got there means it’s doable. So do it.

There’s a rush to it; a feeling that your chemistry has been altered by the act of sticking it out and seeing something come to life. I don’t think we can teach ourselves to be resilient just by thinking we should. I feel as though it’s about getting to your breaking point, letting yourself break and then putting the pieces back in place, but in a stronger composition. So that next time, you don’t break as easily, you just bend. And then the time after that, and after that, you never break again.

There’s an art to sticking it out, after rejection and after compromise and after failing. To me, part of that comes from having a support system. Having someone who reminds you to push back and to keep trying again. I think we can find that support in different places; family, friends, corners of the internet that just get you, or pets even!

After bouncing back is when the best things happen. That resilience shows you that no project or activity is ever bad enough; it’s about finding the right composition that makes sense for you. If it didn’t work this time, who’s to say it won’t next time.

If you’re reading this now, and are struggling to make something work out the way that you want, see if there’s another way around it. You’ll get there in the end!

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #42 - Believing in your Potential

To anyone struggling with believing in themselves,

Over the last year, I’ve had to work hard at not underestimating myself, because if I had, there are a number of things that wouldn’t have happened. But getting to that point of truly believing that I had the potential, to do the things I wanted, was really really difficult.

I feel like maybe it’s a part of being British, but self-deprecation is like a finely honed skill for us. We minimise our abilities or our talents in a rather dismissive way and this is an act that, while seemingly harmless, over time can end up seeping in and being believed.

For all the times, I would jokingly dismiss something that was pretty great about myself, I would end up genuinely thinking that in the end. Maybe not completely but to enough of an extent that it gave my confidence a direct knock on the head. 

If you have enough of those knocks, then what is there left to believe in? If we can’t be our own loudest cheerleaders, then how can we even trust when others try to help us I’m realising it?

So all of those little niggling questions made me think about how I was thinking about my own potential. I was only ever half-way believing that I could do things. When that’s the case, how could I ever actively do enough to fulfil the full amount of my potential?

Don't put yourself down

I found that I had to shut down that voice in my head that would tell me to dismiss or scoff at compliments about myself. This was really hard. I’m the first one to say “oh but it’s only...”, by way of negating whatever has been tossed my way. Words like “only” and “just” are like negative qualifiers that I hadn’t noticed I used so often. But once I took note, I got gradually get a handle on it.

List everything
The next thing that was the major contributor to genuinely believing in myself was listing it. I love lists, they’re the perfect way of organising chaos and chaotic, brain dump lists are my favourite. I literally sat down and wrote down all the things that I thought I was good at. I didn’t consult with anyone else. This was solely about me and what I believed about myself. I wrote and wrote and wrote until I was satisfied that I had covered enough. Then I took a photo of the list and saved it as my phone’s lock screen photo. This was a great way to remind myself of the things that I could do, when I would falter or face a setback. It was nice to have something to look at and remember that before that setback, this is what I saw in myself. And that what I saw was pretty great! 

Ask someone else
If that doesn’t help as much as it could, then my final go-to was to ask someone I trusted whether they thought I could do it. I found that for me, it was going to my mum; she would give me tough love and I would be confident that whatever she was saying was from a place of love but also a place of responsibility, so as not to give me false hope. My mum is the first person to tell me when I’m absolutely rubbish at something. But she’s also the first to sing my praises.

So if all else fails, find someone who will give you a kind but truthful answer as to your potential. If it’s about something work-related, maybe a colleague would be best. If it’s about your personal development, I found friends and family to be better at knowing me.

So if you’re reading this and feeling a bit off about yourself and your potential to do or be anything you want, break it down and do these three things and I hope that they help. If nothing else, list the things you’re capable of. I’m sure the list will be longer than you think.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #41 - Taking a Moment for Positivity

To anyone who takes the time to read,

I've been absent from this site for far longer than I planned and I can't really explain it other than to say I had to go through a bit of a mindset adjustment.

I went from a place of pathetic wallowing for the first half of last year to then finding a kind of “peace” from which amazing things happened. Like bucket list things! Okay, maybe just one thing... but that’s one more than there would have been, had I not had a change to my thinking.

If I’m honest, I love a pity party at times. There’s moments where it is absolutely allowed, when things just categorically suck, but then sometimes it’s really not as bad as you think. This blog was never meant to be a place for my negativity but instead a way for accountability and growing out of such feelings. Easier said than done, clearly.

I can only assume that that past year was my “quarter life crisis”, my ungrateful millennial phase, but I don't know if it was. I know that at some point, I got tired before my time. I got tired of trying and putting everything in to my ideas and dreams and whimsies. I got tired and I got afraid. (I can literally hear your eye rolling, but bear with me!) But beyond the fear and the apathy, was a deep need to accomplish. But it was also not something that seemed to come into existence in the way in which I had hoped it would.

So all I could do was figure out a change that needed to be made or remain stagnant. I chose change. 

I remember being younger, and asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist. Without even taking a moment to think, I blurted out “pessimist”, to the surprise of my teachers. A 10 year old is not meant to be pessimistic, it seemed. But for years, I said that it was just my nature. To worry and plan and hold my breath for the moment things went wrong. Because to me, the glass was always half empty and I was just waiting for everyone else to realise that. To say I was a worrier would be an understatement. 

I was always surprised when things would go my way, from good grades to things I was trying to achieve in my personal life. Because there was always a part of me that held my breath and went into everything thinking it wouldn’t work out.

But then when the disappointing thing happened last year, I expected it. I had a little cry and then I shrugged. Realistically I hadn’t expected it to happen. I was still holding my breath. Until my mum noticed that my negative thinking as always been a dark cloud over everything I do. That I have the potential to achieve the things I want, but that if I can’t believe it for myself then why should anyone else take a chance on me? 

It made sense but what could I do? It was just my nature. My mother did not agree. She thought positive thinking was all I needed to work on. I had never put much faith in that. How could simple imagination make things happen? It seemed wishy washy and not at all something I should take seriously.

Now let's just say, at that point, I would try anything. It’s not like my way had worked. 

So I gave it another shot, this time changing my mindset. Now, it’s not really as easy as simply snapping my fingers. I had to force the change. I had to become aware of my thoughts and my feelings, and make an active effort to correct them when they went back to their ways of “it won’t happen”, and “this is dumb”.

I found that meditation helped; starting each day with a calm mind and thinking that I can and I will accomplish my tasks for that day. And when meditation didn’t work, I prayed on it. Between the two practices, I had my bases covered and it did make a difference.

I was actually excited to see how things panned out, instead of hesitant and having an expectation of disappointment from the get go. I tried, and I reminded myself that even if it didn’t work, what did I really have to lose? I still had my health, my family and friend and my home. I would only be “behind” on my own schedule. In the grand scheme of things, it would be a blip, not an explosion. 

 As if on cue, things started working out. I finished projects that were 10 years old, I got back into enjoying things that I had convinced myself were pointless failures and I achieved my ultimate goal... but that’s a story for another day!

This was just a little catch up on how positivity can truly make a difference. Not a magical difference, but one that affects your personality and our thoughts and in turn, your actions. I was proved wrong; there is nothing wishy-washy about it. So give it a try if you’re not the most hopeful person, and if you are, keep on doing what you do.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #39 - La La Land // Here's To The Ones Who Dream

To anyone who needs a mood lifter,

SPOILER ALERT: This whole post contains spoilers, so go and watch La La Land, first!!

Just to give you a tiny clue of how this post is going to go, I'll explain how I came to be here, writing right now. I just watched La La Land finally, and it made me feel so full of emotion and life that I'm writing this on my phone while sitting in silence on the car ride home. I genuinely want to sit here for as long as I can, in this bubble of inspiration and joy that that production has put me in. It was beautiful and breathtaking and brilliant. (Yay, for alliteration!)

I don't really know what I'm writing yet, this isn't a review. It's more about how the movie made me feel, I suppose. And isn't that the whole purpose of a good film? To leave you raving about it.

So I was intrigued by the trailers that popped up before every YouTube video for weeks and then I heard the hype around it and then its success during awards seasons but I had still pretty much avoided hearing anything "spoiler-like" and so I didn't really know what to expect or even if I was going to watch it. 

A few days ago, my younger brother, watched a late night showing of it with some friends and at around 1am, I was awoken by the buzzing of my phone and my brother raving about this beautiful piece of artistry. He was talking about the cinematography and the colours and all of this other stuff, as though it was an average day and he speaks like that on a daily basis. Disclaimer - he really doesn't! The most you can get him to articulate is "'sup, bro."

So being the typical older sibling who had to be in the know, I had to watch it ASAP. But I also hate cinemas for movies like this. Those thoughtful, carefully painted pictures that need true appreciation. I hate to have to watch them in a crowd of faces, most of whom are rustling and whispering away, missing something magical happening before them. I ended up going to a daytime showing with my mum as a compromise. At least I knew she would appreciate it. There were maybe 6 others in the room.

Now, one thing about me is that I live by the saying "don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed." I heard the hype and how well received this movie was but I was still going into it with a lot of scepticism because generally I'm disappointed by the movies with hype. 

It only took until the end of the opening sequence for me to be proven wrong. That alone was so full of colour and fun that I knew I couldn't not enjoy this film. And enjoy it I did. I absorbed it; literally soaking in the beauty of this piece of work. This piece of art. 

Now, again, I'm not normally like this. I don't get precious about movies; it's usually tv shows that take my focus and even then solely for character development. But this was a production and a merging of so many things, that I feel it needs a category all of its own. There was fantastic film-making, an amazing score, music, dancing, colour, light and then the most lovable simple story, with such real characters that I could imagine superimposing myself into the story and it would still make sense.

It is a love letter to classic Hollywood and that was evident to me from the start but it gave the whole thing a timeless, classic quality. This film will stand the test of time.

The basic premise of the movie is a love story between the characters of Mia and Seb, but it's about so much more than that. They have hopes and dreams and their own creative paths to follow and it's about how important it is to have those people who support and push you as long as you don't lose sight of your end goals. 

It's about choices, and moments, and courage, and persistence, and dreams, and above all passion. A great line by Mia, is "people love what other people are passionate about" and it's true. The greatest people in the world are those with hopes and interests and plans so far fetched that you hope for their sakes that they follow through with them, because it would be amazing when it became a reality.

Another line that really stuck with me was "they worship everything and they value nothing" as Seb spoke about LA and his love of jazz. He valued it as an entity and stuck by it regardless of how many times he was told "jazz is dead." In this day and age everything is readily available, that interests wane after a mere moment before the next fad comes along and it was great to see someone so determined to love what he loved and do what mattered to him. 

As someone who has many creative dreams but a practical brain that usually overrides them, this movie was a perfect kick up the backside for me. Take the chances, do the things, live the life.

At the end of the day, this film highlighted how important it can be to follow through with your dreams and not put them on hold for a relationship. Mia and Seb both give up on their dreams at certain points; Mia out of sheer heartbreak of all the setbacks, and Seb out of a desire to have a steady job and lifestyle.

I've heard lots of people say how they cried so much while watching and I was confused by my reaction. I smiled with teeth throughout most of it. So much so that my jaw and face muscles ached at the end but like I've mentioned before, it was an uplifting, hopeful piece of work. 

The one time I did cry was a scene towards the end, where Mia has given up on her acting dreams and gone back to her hometown. Seb drives up to give her the good news of a callback and as they argue about it, she breaks. She looks utterly shattered as she cries "maybe I'm not good enough." I broke, there and then. I'm sure we've all felt crippled by life and not being at the stage we thought we would be, and putting it down to not being enough and it was so completely relatable, that it was heartbreaking. 

For all their hopes and dreams, they both worked exceptionally hard to make them realities; while that involved Seb selling out for a while and having to be reminded of the importance of his original dream, or Mia working night and day to write herself a role in a one woman show, and paying for the production to go on. They both paid their dues.

The ending was one that I've heard referred to as sad, but I'd say it's more bittersweet and those are the best endings. Where you know that someone got what they wanted but sacrificed a lot to get there. It's realistic and it's raw and it's true to human nature. 

There's always this idea that if the aim of a story is for a couple to fall for each other, then it's not a satisfying ending unless they do. I don't agree. To know that they grew and got their dreams was satisfying enough for me. Because you can't always have it all and that's just life for you. It's especially poignant in this modern time where career does take over for most of us but it's a choice to be made just the same. And like they said, they would always love each other regardless.

There's a sequence in the last ten minutes that shows an alternate reality for the two of them, where they would have been married with a child and they'd be happy and together and it's beautiful. I was reminded that the choices we make are so important. The moments that we will look back on may not be the most important or interesting at the time but we'll look back and wonder how it could have gone.

Anyway, this is getting way too long but if you can't tell, I love this movie and it'll be my new favourite and I doubt anything will beat it for a long time to come.

A quick mention to the music, and the songs. I'm listening to the soundtrack as I write. The fact that Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone are not trained Broadway singers adds so much to the songs, because their voices have their own quirks and it comes through in a way that makes it so easy to listen to. Also, the way they depict jazz is lovely and I dare you to watch this movie without tapping a foot to the beat, or moving your shoulders and simply wanting to get up and dance with them! 

A final note has to go to Mia as a character; she's everything I wish I could be. She's strong, and focused and so unwavering in her belief that this is what she has to do as well as being incredibly supportive to Seb and pushing him to remember his dreams. It's great and her wardrobe is perfect. I'm now going to be on the hunt for the perfect yellow day dress. And then I'm naturally going to pair it with tap shoes! 

It may have been over 2 hours long, but it felt as though it passed in a blink of an eye. I could have sat in the screening, watching it on repeat! (I'm not joking. If that's an option, I'll take it)

And that's me done for now. If you've watched La La Land (which I hope you have or else I've spoiled it for you...) then let me know what you thought. It's also totally fine not to have felt everything from this movie as deeply as I did, or at all. 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #36 - Sleep is precious

Dear readers, 

When thinking about self care for this week, I got to thinking about one of my favourite pastimes: sleep. Given how busy this time of year is for most people, I wanted to focus on an area that I feel most people skimp on and neglect.

When we're all so focused on getting tasks done and being as productive as possible in our waking hours, we tend to allow our waking hours to go on too long. Now I say "we" but I very rarely do this myself unless I absolutely have to. I love my sleep too much and I think it isn't valued enough when it comes to health and well being. A good night's rest can solve all manner of problems.

One phrase that bugs me to no end is "you can sleep when you're dead". Yes, you absolutely can! But guess what? You'll reach that point a lot sooner if you keep sacrificing your sleep. It's ridiculous and an empty effort at productivity when you're too tired to think straight. At least I think so.

For me, sleeping is my favourite part of the day because it means that my thoughts stop for a time and it gives me a chance to breathe. I say this, but really I'm someone who has many dreams and I know that I'm dreaming but when I wake, I cannot remember what I was dreaming about. It's strange but I like that fact. I only ever remember how I felt while I was asleep. So I can gauge how well I slept but remember how I felt at the time.

Even today, it's a Sunday so I had a lie in and woke up at 11am. For me, that's a big deal since I'm usually up at 6am but I had such a good sleep, I cannot put it into words. I don't think many people think about their sleep, other than a fleeting thought into how well or badly they slept.

Since it's getting to the end of the year, and people try to start fresh and set goals for the year ahead, getting good quality sleep into your lifestyle is my suggestion to you all. 

First, use the holidays to figure out how much sleep you feel that you need. It's wildly different for everyone. Personally, I need around 9-10 hours to feel completely refreshed and functioning. But I know others who can just about manage 5-6 hours before their eyes flick open. They cannot sleep for longer than that without it being that they have overslept and are now too tired. 

Our sleep cycles are an interesting thing. I've found that there is such a fine line between a good amount of sleep and way too much sleep. Even an extra half an hour in bed can mess with your entire day. 

Also, I remember reading somewhere that how tired you feel related to the sleep you got two nights ago. So if you woke up this Sunday morning refreshed, you must have had a good amount of sleep on Friday night. This is why we can sometimes feel so rough on a Monday morning, even if we got to bed early on Sunday night, but we forget how late we were up on Saturday night! So take the holidays as a time to figure it out.

Work out how many hours you need to feel refreshed and awake. And happy. For me, I feel much happier when I've slept well.

Figure out what type of sleeper you are

Are you a light sleeper, stirring at the slightest sound or are you dead to the world the moment your head hits a pillow? If you're a light sleeper, get some thick opaque curtain that won't let light through and sleep in total darkness so that the sunrise or street lamps cannot disturb you. If you're a deep sleeper, maybe invest in a good loud alarm so that you can actually wake on time and not oversleep. Finding what works for you is he most important thing.

Have a bedtime figured out

Once you know how many hours you need, work backwards from the time that you know you need to wake up until you've figured out the best time for you to sleep at. And then go back an extra hour so that you can use that time to get a night time routine sorted. This will ensure that you won't forget when you do to sleep and you can do whatever you need to, to complete your day. So if you need to lay out clothes for the next morning, do it. If you need you make sure you've prepped lunch, do it. And then as soon as you get to the time that you need to be in bed, make sure that you are. 

Absolute darkness is the best

If you want a good sleep, then make sure your bedroom is pitch black because your eyes won't have to adjust to the darkness under your eyelids as much. Because I've found that that time of adjustment can be really disruptive to my sleep when I've maybe been looking at my phone moments beforehand. You know those dancing lights that you can get when you've been blinded by the flash from a camera, and then every time you blink, you can see the light? It's like that and if you know how annoying that light is, you know how disruptive it must be just before you knock out.

If all else fails, take a nap!

If you're still shattered during the day, just take a quick nap if you can fit it in. But beware of how naps make you feel. For me, naps make everything better. Even if I take a nap at 6pm and wake up at 7pm, I can still manage to fall asleep again at 10pm. It's a gift.

But I do know that not everyone shares my love of naps. My mum would always tell me off for napping saying that "you'll never get to sleep tonight!" While that's not the case for me, I know plenty of people who will get stuck wide awake at 2 in the morning because they took a nap in the afternoon. So find out what you need and cater your patterns to those needs.

 Normally, I love writing for this blog but I always feel as though I have no place to actually be offering my opinions. But when it comes to sleep, I'm an absolute pro. I wish sleeping for a living was actually a thing. I'd be brilliant at it.

Let me know if you found any of this helpful and what are your feeling about sleep?

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #31 - Gratitude shouldn't be this hard

Dear readers,

I haven't written in a while, I know, but it felt like the world was starting to fall apart and it felt frivolous to just write my thoughts and expect anyone to even want to read them. This isn't a place for me to talk politics or economics and so I won't. But I just think that the state of the world will always be in trouble, if we go by what history reminds us, but it can always be salvaged by individuals so be those individuals. *political aside done*

Anyway, it's thanksgiving weekend in America. That's not very relevant to me given that I'm in the UK and all I know of thanksgiving comes from episodes of the event that I watched on Friends. But even without knowing much about the history of the day, the word alone evokes a warming sentiment. I like that fact.

It is a day to give thanks and I don't think there is a better activity to spend the day on. We may not celebrate the even here, but I want to celebrate what I feel to be the essence of the day by being grateful.

We're always so busy and jumping from one thought to another without much time to actually think. We want things done quickly so we can move on to the next task. We want what we want as and when we want it. All of that wanting can begin to take over if it isn't reigned in with some perspective.

When you live in an age of ease and speed, it can be easy to complain when we don't get what we want. We complain at the slow wifi, or the traffic jam slowing us down, or the time it takes between ordering a coffee and then receiving it. We're a generation of complainers now. I'm mostly talking about myself here but I'm sure others do it too.

We're never just grateful for having wifi at all, for having a car for transport, for having the luxury of buying a coffee every day. It's those small privileges that we forget about when we're so caught up in our own self-importance. I know that I whine the moment an Amazon delivery doesn't arrive on time or when I'm in an area where I can only get 3G mobile data, over 4G. It's pathetic really and it's embarrassing to say out loud because then I have to actually think about it.

If we spent those moments when we're beginning to complain, actually thinking about what we are complaining about, we would see all that we have to be grateful for instead. Gratitude is difficult. Sometimes we all just want to feel sorry for ourselves and say "woe is me"; it feels good at the time to indulge ourselves. But what does it actually get us? How can we grow by doing so? Simple answer: we can't.

So why waste our time doing it? If we're all for speed and efficiency, why should we waste precious moments being ungrateful about the small things?

I've been thinking about this all week now, and I think that I've reached a solution that I can be happy with. I'm going to start trying to be more aware of my thoughts so that I can stop them in their tracks.

If I start to whine, I'll twist it on its head and see if it's really something that needs moping about. If I start to complain that the house is too cold this winter, I'll remind myself that I have a home and that I can layer on an extra jumper. 

It might sound like I'm taking this too far and trying to be too "good", and maybe I am. Of course you can complain if you want to. The important part is that I personally don't want to. If the twenties are the time when good habits should be made, then this is definitely one that I am happy to develop.

The world tries so hard to shove change down our throats and to get us to want to be something that we're not. We end up coveting something that never even occurred to us before it was made popular. That's a post for another day though!

For now, I just want to try to be a little more mindful with my thoughts. So at the end of every month, I'm going to start a short round up of things that I am thankful for.

For this month, I'm thankful for:

my thoughts: I appreciate the ability to have a voice and opinion of my own and that I have never had to suppress or hide it.

my blog: I love that I have the opportunity to get my voice out there and say whatever I please and cultivate a project that I can look back on.

chocolate: specifically dark chocolate! I'm thankful that it is technically good for me. I love the fact that while my recent dietary requirements have cut out a lot of foods that I loved, I am at least still left with chocolate.

That's enough rambling from me for today! Let me know what you're thankful for in the comments! We should all have something that we can stop and appreciate today and every other day.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z