Letter #51 - Patience is Power

To everyone, at any stage in life,

I’ve been thinking about my life a lot recently, about how I’ve gotten to where I am and the various detours that the universe threw my way. I think I’m at my most self-aware but confident in that self, than I’ve been since I was a teenager I think. A big part of that has been patience and practicing it daily. 

Patience is this virtue, up on a pedestal, and I think that that can make it so inaccessible when people need it most. When someone says they aren’t a patient person, generally I’ve found that that means they haven’t learnt how to be. Patience is on par with self-control. And in civilised society, the majority of people have self-control. For example, we don’t go running into stores and stealing everything we want; instead we have the patience and control to get to a point where we can fund our purchases. We don’t walk out of meetings that aren’t going our way or lash out when we dislike something. So we have indeed got control and one step up from self-control is patience. Or at least that’s how I see it.

It makes the act and even the art of patience slightly more understandable. It isn’t a virtue that only the best of people can obtain. It is like any other ability. We practice until we’ve gotten better at it. It’s like a muscle that needs to be worked.

For me, this was a daily practice. I love my lists and so I would list the things that would make my life amazing if I had them/could achieve them. Then I would state what I had done that day to work towards that aim. If I hadn’t done anything, then I knew where I was going wrong and it was usually then that my patience would wain. But seeing it on paper would help.

 

If I hadn’t worked on that goal, how could I expect it to magically manifest?? Whenever I was working towards something, I felt patient because I knew I was putting something in and as a result, eventually I would get something out of it too. Soon the practice of patience became almost second nature and I could judge how I was feeling based on how patient and grateful I was on any given day. 

Seeing the way my life is in this present moment, has made me really appreciate patience. There are things I’ve been working on or hoping for, for close to a decade and only now can I see the results coming to life. Even now, they aren’t the finished results and I’ve got a long way to go with the things I’m trying to perfect or achieve. But I keep marvelling at time and how it passes when you have the patience to just let it happen.

If it wasn’t for those patient moments that I cultivated and learnt to master, I would have given up on some things a long long time ago. But doing so, wouldn’t have taken me to a better place, or rather not a place that I would have wanted to be in.

So I’m incredibly grateful to everyone who told me to be patient (basically my mum...constantly). Life ebbs and flows and if you’re in a moment where it’s not really flowing your way, keep going and be patient that your hard work will pay off.

It really helps when we think of how long our lives could be. Thinking of that always grounded me. There’s so many more years ahead, hopefully, so if you’re not there yet, doesn’t mean you never will be.

But none of that means that I don’t have my moments! I have many many moments where I just cannot be in a positive and patient place. I want to whine and have a bit of a rant. But all of that is fine! You don’t need to be saintly to practice patience. All it does is give you a bit more power in your life. All it means is that you don’t spend every moment looking to a non-existent future, while forgetting the present in which you need to work to make it a reality.

I just work on not letting the bad moments consume my day or my life, like I used to. I need to give an honorary mention to Gary Vaynerchuk, who preaches so much positivity that you can’t help but take it on board! And another mention to the friend who introduced me to my first Gary Vee video that started this whole thing. You started an upward spiral that just makes me more self-aware.

Anyway, clearly I missed blogging because this post got away from me entirely! Enjoy this nearly 1000 word post and I hope you can find a way to cultivate a bit of patience into your life. Those bad little things, once they stop seeming like the end of the world, everything opens up, the good things become great and the bad things don’t seem as world-crushing.

Do you have any practices that work for you? Things that make the day better when it’s awful, or ways to just change your perspective?

Until next time, be inspired...

Z 

Letter #46 - Podcasts as a Pick-Me-Up

To anyone wanting to start their week on a high,

It’s Sunday and for me, Sundays vary from lazy days to hyper-productive organisation days. The one thing that I can always find in my Sunday routine is listening to a podcast, or three.

Podcasts have become my recent obsession, especially the really chatty informal kind. They’re such easy listening and it can feel like I’m consuming knowledge without actually having to do anything. I can actually multitask and there’s this feeling of productivity throughout.

So here are a few of my favourites.

Love stories with Dolly Alderton

Now this podcast, by writer and journalist Dolly Alderton, is amazing! She interviews guests about the loves that made them who they are. Each episode has the same standard questions but Dolly has such a knack for getting deeper into the story of each guest. She dives right into their lives and finds such interesting stories and meaning within those stories. One of my favourite episodes is the very first one, with actress Vanessa Kirby. The two were university friends and that is exactly what t sounds like. A friendly chat and a catch up. It’s the best thing to listen to with a cup of tea at the end the day.

Ctrl, Alt, Delete - Emma Gannon

Now I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t heard of Emma Gannon’s podcast, which stemmed in a book of the same name. She discusses the work that her guests do and how they navigate social media in this technological age. It’s the kind of podcast that pumps you up to do something after listening to it. They have such intelligent, considered conversations about creative work and the various industries that the guest are in. She had great guest as well, from Elizabeth Gilbert, to Ava Duverney and Lena Dunham. As someone who wants to write for a living at some point, it’s such a fantastic way to devour any and all knowledge these guests have to impart about their own experiences.

Armchair Expert - Dax Shepard

So this podcast is one that I just happened upon, in my love of Kristen Bell and all that she does. This is her husband, Dax Shepard’s podcast. Again, with great guests! This has made the list for what it stands for. He interviews people about their “why”. Why did you get into this career? Why did your personality develop this way? Why did you choose this path? He’s so interested in getting to the bottom of the human condition and of gaining a deep understanding of his guests. After each episodes, I genuinely feel slightly more emotionally intelligent. And that’s never a bad thing! 

One Girl Band

This is a super helpful podcast, with a mix of shorter discussions on a topic, surrounding creativity, being in a creative industry and freelancing, and longer guest orientated discussions. The founder is Lola Hoad, who has created a space for female entrepreneurs and creatives to support each other. It's literally a pep talk! I like that there is that variety, because I won’t always have the time to listen to a full 50+ minutes podcast but the shorter 20 minute ones are perfect for when I need a boost of motivation or to get some inspiration. The discussions tend to be about working from home and the struggles and joys of such work. The guests are usually bloggers or people who work social media related industries, so it’s a really useful and informative podcast, where I come away learning a lot.


These are just a tiny handful of the amazing content out there, so even if none of these take your fancy, go and search for some podcasts that you will love. And it can take a while to warm up to it, if you’re not someone who likes having to focus on sound without a video attached to it! But if can lead to some really valuable content and if not, there’s plenty of podcasts that are much more story focused and episodic.

Now excuse me, while I go and catch up on the latest episode of Love Stories.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #43 - Resilience Is The Best Thing Life Can Teach You

To those who will be starting again soon,

At this time of year, I always think about the end of school, or more recently university. Around this time two years ago, I had handed in my dissertation and had my final exams and I thought the hard part was over.

I could not have been more wrong! I thought that having my degree and knowing all that I’d learnt would mean that the change involved in getting a job or just growing up into a functioning adult would be more of a step than a leap. It would be a minor thing, rather than something consuming my waking moments. 

I know that I wasn’t alone in this feeling of too much pressure and feeling like you’re falling at every new step. I’ve been thinking about those difficulties now, two years on, when myself and all of my friend have become more settled in their lives since that point. With further study, or finding the perfect job, their resilience paid off. But I don’t think any of us thought that at the time.

So it got me thinking that there are probably others out there right now, going through this exact thing. And that’s not to say that people don’t have regular changes and problems in life, just that the ones that feel like the end of the world, are sometimes only the beginning of a new one. 

Surviving against pressure is a funny thing. It’s like the coal to diamond transformation; you wouldn’t believe it until it happened. When things get hard, it can be all too understandable to just stop and think that it’s not worth it or that it’s not going anywhere. Of course, it’s understandable. It’s human nature. You want to survive and the things that make that difficult make you think it won’t aid in your survival. But what if you survive without the struggle, and find that there’s nothing on the other side.

I’ve done both things. I’ve done the whole “I give it, it’s not worth it” thing but then I’ve also done the “I am sticking this out because I know it’ll be worth it” thing.
And I infinitely prefer the latter. Because even if nothing comes of it, you tried and the resilience of learning to try is the greatest feeling ever. At least, it is to me! And apparently to tons of the most successful people out there. Google the person that inspires you most, and I guarantee that 9 times out of 10, it took them a long time to get to where they are now. But the fact that they got there means it’s doable. So do it.

There’s a rush to it; a feeling that your chemistry has been altered by the act of sticking it out and seeing something come to life. I don’t think we can teach ourselves to be resilient just by thinking we should. I feel as though it’s about getting to your breaking point, letting yourself break and then putting the pieces back in place, but in a stronger composition. So that next time, you don’t break as easily, you just bend. And then the time after that, and after that, you never break again.

There’s an art to sticking it out, after rejection and after compromise and after failing. To me, part of that comes from having a support system. Having someone who reminds you to push back and to keep trying again. I think we can find that support in different places; family, friends, corners of the internet that just get you, or pets even!

After bouncing back is when the best things happen. That resilience shows you that no project or activity is ever bad enough; it’s about finding the right composition that makes sense for you. If it didn’t work this time, who’s to say it won’t next time.

If you’re reading this now, and are struggling to make something work out the way that you want, see if there’s another way around it. You’ll get there in the end!

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #42 - Believing in your Potential

To anyone struggling with believing in themselves,

Over the last year, I’ve had to work hard at not underestimating myself, because if I had, there are a number of things that wouldn’t have happened. But getting to that point of truly believing that I had the potential, to do the things I wanted, was really really difficult.

I feel like maybe it’s a part of being British, but self-deprecation is like a finely honed skill for us. We minimise our abilities or our talents in a rather dismissive way and this is an act that, while seemingly harmless, over time can end up seeping in and being believed.

For all the times, I would jokingly dismiss something that was pretty great about myself, I would end up genuinely thinking that in the end. Maybe not completely but to enough of an extent that it gave my confidence a direct knock on the head. 

If you have enough of those knocks, then what is there left to believe in? If we can’t be our own loudest cheerleaders, then how can we even trust when others try to help us I’m realising it?

So all of those little niggling questions made me think about how I was thinking about my own potential. I was only ever half-way believing that I could do things. When that’s the case, how could I ever actively do enough to fulfil the full amount of my potential?

Don't put yourself down

I found that I had to shut down that voice in my head that would tell me to dismiss or scoff at compliments about myself. This was really hard. I’m the first one to say “oh but it’s only...”, by way of negating whatever has been tossed my way. Words like “only” and “just” are like negative qualifiers that I hadn’t noticed I used so often. But once I took note, I got gradually get a handle on it.

List everything
The next thing that was the major contributor to genuinely believing in myself was listing it. I love lists, they’re the perfect way of organising chaos and chaotic, brain dump lists are my favourite. I literally sat down and wrote down all the things that I thought I was good at. I didn’t consult with anyone else. This was solely about me and what I believed about myself. I wrote and wrote and wrote until I was satisfied that I had covered enough. Then I took a photo of the list and saved it as my phone’s lock screen photo. This was a great way to remind myself of the things that I could do, when I would falter or face a setback. It was nice to have something to look at and remember that before that setback, this is what I saw in myself. And that what I saw was pretty great! 

Ask someone else
If that doesn’t help as much as it could, then my final go-to was to ask someone I trusted whether they thought I could do it. I found that for me, it was going to my mum; she would give me tough love and I would be confident that whatever she was saying was from a place of love but also a place of responsibility, so as not to give me false hope. My mum is the first person to tell me when I’m absolutely rubbish at something. But she’s also the first to sing my praises.

So if all else fails, find someone who will give you a kind but truthful answer as to your potential. If it’s about something work-related, maybe a colleague would be best. If it’s about your personal development, I found friends and family to be better at knowing me.

So if you’re reading this and feeling a bit off about yourself and your potential to do or be anything you want, break it down and do these three things and I hope that they help. If nothing else, list the things you’re capable of. I’m sure the list will be longer than you think.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #41 - Taking a Moment for Positivity

To anyone who takes the time to read,

I've been absent from this site for far longer than I planned and I can't really explain it other than to say I had to go through a bit of a mindset adjustment.

I went from a place of pathetic wallowing for the first half of last year to then finding a kind of “peace” from which amazing things happened. Like bucket list things! Okay, maybe just one thing... but that’s one more than there would have been, had I not had a change to my thinking.

If I’m honest, I love a pity party at times. There’s moments where it is absolutely allowed, when things just categorically suck, but then sometimes it’s really not as bad as you think. This blog was never meant to be a place for my negativity but instead a way for accountability and growing out of such feelings. Easier said than done, clearly.

I can only assume that that past year was my “quarter life crisis”, my ungrateful millennial phase, but I don't know if it was. I know that at some point, I got tired before my time. I got tired of trying and putting everything in to my ideas and dreams and whimsies. I got tired and I got afraid. (I can literally hear your eye rolling, but bear with me!) But beyond the fear and the apathy, was a deep need to accomplish. But it was also not something that seemed to come into existence in the way in which I had hoped it would.

So all I could do was figure out a change that needed to be made or remain stagnant. I chose change. 

I remember being younger, and asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist. Without even taking a moment to think, I blurted out “pessimist”, to the surprise of my teachers. A 10 year old is not meant to be pessimistic, it seemed. But for years, I said that it was just my nature. To worry and plan and hold my breath for the moment things went wrong. Because to me, the glass was always half empty and I was just waiting for everyone else to realise that. To say I was a worrier would be an understatement. 

I was always surprised when things would go my way, from good grades to things I was trying to achieve in my personal life. Because there was always a part of me that held my breath and went into everything thinking it wouldn’t work out.

But then when the disappointing thing happened last year, I expected it. I had a little cry and then I shrugged. Realistically I hadn’t expected it to happen. I was still holding my breath. Until my mum noticed that my negative thinking as always been a dark cloud over everything I do. That I have the potential to achieve the things I want, but that if I can’t believe it for myself then why should anyone else take a chance on me? 

It made sense but what could I do? It was just my nature. My mother did not agree. She thought positive thinking was all I needed to work on. I had never put much faith in that. How could simple imagination make things happen? It seemed wishy washy and not at all something I should take seriously.

Now let's just say, at that point, I would try anything. It’s not like my way had worked. 

So I gave it another shot, this time changing my mindset. Now, it’s not really as easy as simply snapping my fingers. I had to force the change. I had to become aware of my thoughts and my feelings, and make an active effort to correct them when they went back to their ways of “it won’t happen”, and “this is dumb”.

I found that meditation helped; starting each day with a calm mind and thinking that I can and I will accomplish my tasks for that day. And when meditation didn’t work, I prayed on it. Between the two practices, I had my bases covered and it did make a difference.

I was actually excited to see how things panned out, instead of hesitant and having an expectation of disappointment from the get go. I tried, and I reminded myself that even if it didn’t work, what did I really have to lose? I still had my health, my family and friend and my home. I would only be “behind” on my own schedule. In the grand scheme of things, it would be a blip, not an explosion. 

 As if on cue, things started working out. I finished projects that were 10 years old, I got back into enjoying things that I had convinced myself were pointless failures and I achieved my ultimate goal... but that’s a story for another day!

This was just a little catch up on how positivity can truly make a difference. Not a magical difference, but one that affects your personality and our thoughts and in turn, your actions. I was proved wrong; there is nothing wishy-washy about it. So give it a try if you’re not the most hopeful person, and if you are, keep on doing what you do.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #27 - Graduation -- An anticlimax

Dear readers,

I wasn't sure if I was going to write this, but since you're reading it, I guess I decided! 

If any of you are recent graduates or soon to be graduates, I am sure that the excitement of this event is well known to you. it has been for me too, hence the late arrival of this post.

Graduation, to most people, is a joyous event celebrating hard work and achievement. In the UK, I feel like it is an especially big deal given that it is our first official graduation since we don't have a high school counterpart, as is the case in other countries.

So I graduated a few weeks ago, and from the moment I handed in my dissertation, I was in this blissed out bubble of ease. Everything was fairies and rainbows and perfectly chilled. Until I had to officially move out of my flat and leave my friends and then graduate.

Now, the day itself was so incredibly hectic that you don't even register what happened until after the fact. Also, make plans with friends before the event so that you all know where to meet and what to do. I did not do this... And hence spent most of the time on my own searching for my friends like a loner. In 4 inch heels I might add. The horror! 

Another thing is that graduation is mostly for your family. No matter what else is getting on your nerves and no matter how bratty you want to be, just don't. Let them have a day to coddle you and be as embarrassing as they like, in their pride for you. They're just happy and proud and so they should be for having such an awesome child/sibling!

I'll say this however, three years of work amounted to a walk across a stage and as silly as it may sound if you haven't experienced it, it's the best walk you'll ever take. It's an "I did it" experience. You got past the stress, the drama, the late nights and the hopelessness and you survived to tell the tale.

If you're anything like me, you take like as a be all and end all affair and it really isn't that deep. But if it were, graduation certainly wouldn't be, and isn't, the be all and end all of life. It's a great task to achieve but it's not everything.

If you've read any of my other posts you'll know that I'm a worrier. That being the case, as soon as my exams were over, I couldn't help but think about what was next. I didn't think of graduation as an event, but rather as the end of an era. What would I do next? Where do I go from here?

I think that, our generation especially, has a harder time dealing with the uncertainty of life because we've grown up in a time when that uncertainty developed itself. Economic crises, lack of jobs and just the general discourse within the world has led to a sad state of affairs for us and yet we still persevere and find our joy. Whether you've gotten to that point or not, remember that the struggle is worth it.

It's an unnerving thought to have but one that many people, in their twenties, often go through. There's no such thing as a concrete plan and nor should you ever gamble on just one thing. That's a warning from experience. 

But that is not at all to say that you shouldn't give your all to your career or life plan or passion. You absolutely should! It's only through hard work that we can get to where we want to be. I'm just saying that if plans change, don't let it break your heart. Pick yourself up and start again. Maybe something better will come your way.

Anyway that's enough existential rambling from me. I only really wanted an excuse to put up my graduation photos...

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #13 - Talent should be celebrated.

To anyone and everyone out there,

With A level results day having just passed here in the UK, I spent the days leading up to it in an uncomfortable trance of nervousness. I got my own results back in summer 2012 but the memories of the stress and disheartened feeling remain to this day. I didn't get the grades that I needed for the career that I wanted to pursue but more so than that, I didn't feel good enough. For anything.

I spent the year after that event, in a bit of a daze, writing and spending time with my family; it was an avoidance tactic in which I hid from the big bad world. The world that I wasn't good enough for. And frankly, it sucked. 

By being in that mind set at the time, I ended up associating my writing and my novels with sadness, and eventually they didn't feel good enough to me. I could always work harder, do better, write more and all that pushing for more led to less and less actually being achieved.

When I got to university the year after that, I hadn't really gotten over that feeling but I had to hide it away; it isn't exactly the most entertaining topic to bring up. And in doing so, I almost forgot about it. 

I would hole away in my room, and read... Not material for my classes but fantasy novels, romance novels, anything to take my mind off of work. And then when I had to work, I did so in extreme cramming sessions so that I didn't have the time to entertain thoughts of failing or not being good enough. 

Those would come after the fact. And with each assignment, and each exam, all of which I achieved over 70%, I was angry at myself rather than happy at my grade. I was that bitch that whines about not getting 100% when there are others around me who were struggling to even pass the course. Yes, I was that girl and I'm not proud of it.

But I've found that while I am that harsh on myself, I love it when people around me are doing well. I know as humans, we have the natural tendency to compete and to pit ourselves against one another but I've never really felt that way about others in my life. When my friends do well, when they achieve their goals, I hold nothing but immense pride for them.

It got me thinking about talent. That people are so talented. We, as human beings, are so creative and resourceful and I believe that everyone has a talent, no matter how small they may think it to be. A friend of mine sings and records covers as well as writing his own material to put up on YouTube and I marvel at the creativity and hard work that goes into that. And again, I am nothing but proud. 

My best friend, on the other hand, seems to think that she doesn't do much, but believe me when I say that her talents lie in the fact that she can do everything, literally everything! She's the kind of person that only has to try something new once before she is an all around pro at it. She tried her hand at henna designs recently and they are fantastic for someone who has only tried twice in her life. And on top of that, she is an absolute genius, studying to be a doctor. 

I think it's these little things, the things that people don't necessarily notice in themselves that others are usually in awe of. It's the talents that others overlook in themselves that are important and I love pointing them out to people. 

I think it's the kindest thing to do, celebrate your loved ones and their abilities on such an innate level that it hopefully makes them feel great about themselves. When we feel that good, even over something small, it builds up our confidence and that self-doubt, that niggling voice telling us we aren't good enough, gets locked away for another day more.

Self doubt may make us stronger, and make us work harder, but in the long run, when you are sitting there in the silent moments, it can be an awful thing to be feeling and I feel like anything that shuns that negativity is worth it.

So embrace your talents, whatever they may be and be proud of them too! It's the accumulation of all those little pockets of personality that make us who we are and at the end of the day, we are all good enough!

This post may have started off as a bit of a ramble but I hope that if you're reading this, you can spend a bit of time, maybe just half an hour this evening, acknowledging your talents, be they organisation, or being an epic party planner, or simply having pretty handwriting :p Be proud of it all and go and tell a friend, a family member, anyone, what it is about them that you find absolutely amazing. Not something superficial but a talent that they hold or a skill that they have mastered. 

Basically, just be in awe of those around you and I can guarantee that you will instantly build them up and build yourself up in the process.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #10 - Ambition is good!

Dear readers,

One Tree Hill has been and probably will always be one of my favourite ever TV series, up there with Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl and Doctor Who. It's just good TV. It's not mindless; it has meaning and as odd as it may sound, it was always a show I found hope in. I've recently started re-watching old episodes and I've noticed how different I feel after watching an episode or two.

I have been struggling a lot recently with simply figuring out what I'm going to do. Uncertainty scares me as does failing in anything. As much as I know that failure is part and parcel with life, I still hate it. I hate that I don't feel strong enough to push past that sense of failure, of being wrong and making mistakes and that sometimes I just can't let go of the things that upset me.

Yet whenever I turn on my laptop and cosy up with another episode of my favourite shows, I feel safe. They remind me of things that I forget from time to time. A quote from the last episode of One Tree Hill is "ambition is good, wanting things is good, dreaming". It's an important point to make and one that I need constant reminding of. 

I've always been ambitious but terrified of it. Of trying and failing and it's taken me this long to realise that that was all that was wrong. I'm scared. There, I said it.

So in a bid to overcome that - or at least give it less power - I put pen to paper and did what I do best. I wrote a list. Every ambition or dream that I have ever seriously contemplated. I plucked everything out of my head and put it out in front of me. I rattled out a couple of pages of things I wanted to achieve. Both personally and professionally.

Now I could list some of my ambitions but like I said, the fear is still hanging around for now. I would rather not put it out onto the Internet for everyone to read, if in actual fact I end up never achieving a lot from my list.

But one thing I'm not afraid of is trying. I might try and fail but maybe, just maybe I could try and succeed. I could manage to cultivate a life that I'm proud of due to the work I put into it and into my achievements.

I think I'm writing this solely as a reminder for the times when I don't have the time to get sucked into a TV show. Life is unpredictable and full of challenges for all of us. I think we need to come to terms with that and rise to the challenges without being dragged down by the heaviness that comes alongside the things that we find difficult. Things can be hard and I may spend a lot of time over the next few years working really hard but if I keep focused and make sure I'm remembering my happiness amongst it all, I will be just fine.

Do you guys have any ambitions that scare you? How do you deal with it? 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z