Letter #51 - Patience is Power

To everyone, at any stage in life,

I’ve been thinking about my life a lot recently, about how I’ve gotten to where I am and the various detours that the universe threw my way. I think I’m at my most self-aware but confident in that self, than I’ve been since I was a teenager I think. A big part of that has been patience and practicing it daily. 

Patience is this virtue, up on a pedestal, and I think that that can make it so inaccessible when people need it most. When someone says they aren’t a patient person, generally I’ve found that that means they haven’t learnt how to be. Patience is on par with self-control. And in civilised society, the majority of people have self-control. For example, we don’t go running into stores and stealing everything we want; instead we have the patience and control to get to a point where we can fund our purchases. We don’t walk out of meetings that aren’t going our way or lash out when we dislike something. So we have indeed got control and one step up from self-control is patience. Or at least that’s how I see it.

It makes the act and even the art of patience slightly more understandable. It isn’t a virtue that only the best of people can obtain. It is like any other ability. We practice until we’ve gotten better at it. It’s like a muscle that needs to be worked.

For me, this was a daily practice. I love my lists and so I would list the things that would make my life amazing if I had them/could achieve them. Then I would state what I had done that day to work towards that aim. If I hadn’t done anything, then I knew where I was going wrong and it was usually then that my patience would wain. But seeing it on paper would help.

 

If I hadn’t worked on that goal, how could I expect it to magically manifest?? Whenever I was working towards something, I felt patient because I knew I was putting something in and as a result, eventually I would get something out of it too. Soon the practice of patience became almost second nature and I could judge how I was feeling based on how patient and grateful I was on any given day. 

Seeing the way my life is in this present moment, has made me really appreciate patience. There are things I’ve been working on or hoping for, for close to a decade and only now can I see the results coming to life. Even now, they aren’t the finished results and I’ve got a long way to go with the things I’m trying to perfect or achieve. But I keep marvelling at time and how it passes when you have the patience to just let it happen.

If it wasn’t for those patient moments that I cultivated and learnt to master, I would have given up on some things a long long time ago. But doing so, wouldn’t have taken me to a better place, or rather not a place that I would have wanted to be in.

So I’m incredibly grateful to everyone who told me to be patient (basically my mum...constantly). Life ebbs and flows and if you’re in a moment where it’s not really flowing your way, keep going and be patient that your hard work will pay off.

It really helps when we think of how long our lives could be. Thinking of that always grounded me. There’s so many more years ahead, hopefully, so if you’re not there yet, doesn’t mean you never will be.

But none of that means that I don’t have my moments! I have many many moments where I just cannot be in a positive and patient place. I want to whine and have a bit of a rant. But all of that is fine! You don’t need to be saintly to practice patience. All it does is give you a bit more power in your life. All it means is that you don’t spend every moment looking to a non-existent future, while forgetting the present in which you need to work to make it a reality.

I just work on not letting the bad moments consume my day or my life, like I used to. I need to give an honorary mention to Gary Vaynerchuk, who preaches so much positivity that you can’t help but take it on board! And another mention to the friend who introduced me to my first Gary Vee video that started this whole thing. You started an upward spiral that just makes me more self-aware.

Anyway, clearly I missed blogging because this post got away from me entirely! Enjoy this nearly 1000 word post and I hope you can find a way to cultivate a bit of patience into your life. Those bad little things, once they stop seeming like the end of the world, everything opens up, the good things become great and the bad things don’t seem as world-crushing.

Do you have any practices that work for you? Things that make the day better when it’s awful, or ways to just change your perspective?

Until next time, be inspired...

Z 

Letter #31 - Gratitude shouldn't be this hard

Dear readers,

I haven't written in a while, I know, but it felt like the world was starting to fall apart and it felt frivolous to just write my thoughts and expect anyone to even want to read them. This isn't a place for me to talk politics or economics and so I won't. But I just think that the state of the world will always be in trouble, if we go by what history reminds us, but it can always be salvaged by individuals so be those individuals. *political aside done*

Anyway, it's thanksgiving weekend in America. That's not very relevant to me given that I'm in the UK and all I know of thanksgiving comes from episodes of the event that I watched on Friends. But even without knowing much about the history of the day, the word alone evokes a warming sentiment. I like that fact.

It is a day to give thanks and I don't think there is a better activity to spend the day on. We may not celebrate the even here, but I want to celebrate what I feel to be the essence of the day by being grateful.

We're always so busy and jumping from one thought to another without much time to actually think. We want things done quickly so we can move on to the next task. We want what we want as and when we want it. All of that wanting can begin to take over if it isn't reigned in with some perspective.

When you live in an age of ease and speed, it can be easy to complain when we don't get what we want. We complain at the slow wifi, or the traffic jam slowing us down, or the time it takes between ordering a coffee and then receiving it. We're a generation of complainers now. I'm mostly talking about myself here but I'm sure others do it too.

We're never just grateful for having wifi at all, for having a car for transport, for having the luxury of buying a coffee every day. It's those small privileges that we forget about when we're so caught up in our own self-importance. I know that I whine the moment an Amazon delivery doesn't arrive on time or when I'm in an area where I can only get 3G mobile data, over 4G. It's pathetic really and it's embarrassing to say out loud because then I have to actually think about it.

If we spent those moments when we're beginning to complain, actually thinking about what we are complaining about, we would see all that we have to be grateful for instead. Gratitude is difficult. Sometimes we all just want to feel sorry for ourselves and say "woe is me"; it feels good at the time to indulge ourselves. But what does it actually get us? How can we grow by doing so? Simple answer: we can't.

So why waste our time doing it? If we're all for speed and efficiency, why should we waste precious moments being ungrateful about the small things?

I've been thinking about this all week now, and I think that I've reached a solution that I can be happy with. I'm going to start trying to be more aware of my thoughts so that I can stop them in their tracks.

If I start to whine, I'll twist it on its head and see if it's really something that needs moping about. If I start to complain that the house is too cold this winter, I'll remind myself that I have a home and that I can layer on an extra jumper. 

It might sound like I'm taking this too far and trying to be too "good", and maybe I am. Of course you can complain if you want to. The important part is that I personally don't want to. If the twenties are the time when good habits should be made, then this is definitely one that I am happy to develop.

The world tries so hard to shove change down our throats and to get us to want to be something that we're not. We end up coveting something that never even occurred to us before it was made popular. That's a post for another day though!

For now, I just want to try to be a little more mindful with my thoughts. So at the end of every month, I'm going to start a short round up of things that I am thankful for.

For this month, I'm thankful for:

my thoughts: I appreciate the ability to have a voice and opinion of my own and that I have never had to suppress or hide it.

my blog: I love that I have the opportunity to get my voice out there and say whatever I please and cultivate a project that I can look back on.

chocolate: specifically dark chocolate! I'm thankful that it is technically good for me. I love the fact that while my recent dietary requirements have cut out a lot of foods that I loved, I am at least still left with chocolate.

That's enough rambling from me for today! Let me know what you're thankful for in the comments! We should all have something that we can stop and appreciate today and every other day.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z