Letter #51 - Patience is Power

To everyone, at any stage in life,

I’ve been thinking about my life a lot recently, about how I’ve gotten to where I am and the various detours that the universe threw my way. I think I’m at my most self-aware but confident in that self, than I’ve been since I was a teenager I think. A big part of that has been patience and practicing it daily. 

Patience is this virtue, up on a pedestal, and I think that that can make it so inaccessible when people need it most. When someone says they aren’t a patient person, generally I’ve found that that means they haven’t learnt how to be. Patience is on par with self-control. And in civilised society, the majority of people have self-control. For example, we don’t go running into stores and stealing everything we want; instead we have the patience and control to get to a point where we can fund our purchases. We don’t walk out of meetings that aren’t going our way or lash out when we dislike something. So we have indeed got control and one step up from self-control is patience. Or at least that’s how I see it.

It makes the act and even the art of patience slightly more understandable. It isn’t a virtue that only the best of people can obtain. It is like any other ability. We practice until we’ve gotten better at it. It’s like a muscle that needs to be worked.

For me, this was a daily practice. I love my lists and so I would list the things that would make my life amazing if I had them/could achieve them. Then I would state what I had done that day to work towards that aim. If I hadn’t done anything, then I knew where I was going wrong and it was usually then that my patience would wain. But seeing it on paper would help.

 

If I hadn’t worked on that goal, how could I expect it to magically manifest?? Whenever I was working towards something, I felt patient because I knew I was putting something in and as a result, eventually I would get something out of it too. Soon the practice of patience became almost second nature and I could judge how I was feeling based on how patient and grateful I was on any given day. 

Seeing the way my life is in this present moment, has made me really appreciate patience. There are things I’ve been working on or hoping for, for close to a decade and only now can I see the results coming to life. Even now, they aren’t the finished results and I’ve got a long way to go with the things I’m trying to perfect or achieve. But I keep marvelling at time and how it passes when you have the patience to just let it happen.

If it wasn’t for those patient moments that I cultivated and learnt to master, I would have given up on some things a long long time ago. But doing so, wouldn’t have taken me to a better place, or rather not a place that I would have wanted to be in.

So I’m incredibly grateful to everyone who told me to be patient (basically my mum...constantly). Life ebbs and flows and if you’re in a moment where it’s not really flowing your way, keep going and be patient that your hard work will pay off.

It really helps when we think of how long our lives could be. Thinking of that always grounded me. There’s so many more years ahead, hopefully, so if you’re not there yet, doesn’t mean you never will be.

But none of that means that I don’t have my moments! I have many many moments where I just cannot be in a positive and patient place. I want to whine and have a bit of a rant. But all of that is fine! You don’t need to be saintly to practice patience. All it does is give you a bit more power in your life. All it means is that you don’t spend every moment looking to a non-existent future, while forgetting the present in which you need to work to make it a reality.

I just work on not letting the bad moments consume my day or my life, like I used to. I need to give an honorary mention to Gary Vaynerchuk, who preaches so much positivity that you can’t help but take it on board! And another mention to the friend who introduced me to my first Gary Vee video that started this whole thing. You started an upward spiral that just makes me more self-aware.

Anyway, clearly I missed blogging because this post got away from me entirely! Enjoy this nearly 1000 word post and I hope you can find a way to cultivate a bit of patience into your life. Those bad little things, once they stop seeming like the end of the world, everything opens up, the good things become great and the bad things don’t seem as world-crushing.

Do you have any practices that work for you? Things that make the day better when it’s awful, or ways to just change your perspective?

Until next time, be inspired...

Z 

Letter #49 - Don’t Let Expectations Hold You Prisoner

To anyone who needs a reminder,

So this post was meant to be up yesterday, since I’m doing this whole ‘every day in May’ thing, but while that was what was expected of me, by myself, it doesn’t mean it actually happened.

Instead, I worried about what to write about and faced a bit of a drought. The last 8 days have gone pretty well, even though I could feel myself petering out of the flow, every day. I started the month so prepared, with 4 posts ready and waiting before the first of the month even arrived. And they were all pretty long, substantial posts of close to 1000 words. It still wasn’t meeting my expeditions however, as I had also hoped to have photos to go with each post. I had to give up that idea pretty quickly but it wasn’t the end of the world and I just powered through with creating a backlog of posts for the month, and for the days that would get too hectic. This is much easier said than done.

The next expectation I had give up was that I would have each post up by 11am every day. The first couple of days I even managed 10am! But for me and how I’m living right now, it isn’t always sustainable. Sometimes things come up, people need help or favours that I have agreed to. And then there’s the everyday monotony that has to be contended with. The things that just need to get done, like feeding myself or hanging out with my brother in the evenings. These things can’t be moved around and I wouldn’t want them to be, so I have to instead move around my posts as they are more flexible to me, as a priority. My last few posts were pretty close to the end of the day, because I had literally written them half an hour before hitting publish at 11pm. But I still got it done and that was something that I was content with.

This last expectation is one that I really really wanted to follow through on for the entire month; to post every day was important to me as an experiment to myself that I could do it. And as of last night, that expectation is also one I haven’t met. I couldn’t even force it last night. It’s not that I didn’t have a single second to try. I mean I got into bed at 10pm, I had time there to try to bash something out but I was so so done with the day. I needed the day to be over and that meant sleeping it off. Even as I slept though, my mind wanted to get someone out. I literally dreamt I was writing this post and then woke up around 3am really confused and way too warm. It just wasn’t meant to be.

I came to the realisation this morning that I can’t force content out of thin air. My thoughts and opinions come from my life. They come about as a response to things I’ve seen or overheard, or ideas that have occurred to me over time. I can’t just pick a topic and decide to waffle on (as much as I love waffling, it doesn’t always work!). While I’ve been writing this week, I haven’t been doing a lot else for leisure. I haven’t been reading blogs, or listening to podcasts or even music or doing anything simply for the joy of it. I’ve been doing things out of an expectation that I should be doing them. That’s not fair to me and it’s not sustainable, in the way that I function best.

But at least I’ve allowed myself to notice that having expectations can work for some, but be a source of stress for others. I can’t expect each day to match the last or be better than it. Everything can’t always be great and that’s okay. It’s all survivable and manageable and in the end, it’s not like my world has exploded as a result of it. I have the luxury of that lack of urgency at least. I need to remember to be grateful for that.

That’s all from me, but hopefully you can be expecting another post from me before the day is out. That’s an expectation I’m happy to work towards! 

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #34 - Make sure it brings you joy

To anyone who has ever questioned it,

In keeping my word about regular self care posts on a Sunday, I was going to write about skin care in the winter, because to me it always feeling like a bit of a pamper session. I've had a lot of people compliment, or rather question, the condition of my skin recently; what magic potion I must be using to keep it so clear. The thing is, I love my skin in the winter as it always seems to thrive before turning into a patchy mess come spring. But the irony of life stepped in just as I woke up intent on taking posts for the blog, with spots scattered across my chin and my cheeks. Now, I doubt that that's a sight anyone needs to see so I've had to talk about something else.

This is something I've noticed for a while and with the start of December, comes vlogmas for some YouTubers and that has made the issue more prominent in my eyes. Like anyone, I have my favourite social media 'influencers' and on watching recent videos or following their Snapchat and Instagram stories, the same words pop up all the time. These are words that always sounded strange but I presume that they come from a place of concern since their jobs are to portray their lives in a certain way. 

The words tend to fall along the lines of "sorry I look a mess", "I know I don't look great just yet" or "excuse my face" and they are soon followed by a reason as to why they haven't got makeup on. I hear it time and time again, and I feel sad for them. I can understand that they make a career out of beauty products and how to style their look and their makeup but surely they can be excused their appearance at the moment of waking or working in an empty home or simply living their lives.

The prominence of these words almost seems unfair on them. The Christmas season can be busy for the best of us and especially so for them, given that they have their own schedules to work to and events to attend AND they film it for the entertainment of others. But we shouldn't forget that they are filming a lot of their personal lives, and I think that that takes a certain level of courage and it's fantastic of them to do so. The level of public knowledge of their lives is different to that of celebrities in the traditional sense, since they are willingly letting the public into their lives and that is something you have to admire, whatever your view on them. 

But the sheer number of women who apologised to the camera for being flustered, or busy or especially, when they didn't have makeup on, and looked "a mess" was one too many. It sparked a thought and so that's why I'm writing this. 

Firstly, it isn't right for anyone to have to apologise for being a human being with a face that comes naturally unpainted. I needed to address that because it needs addressing and I'm sure it is something that people need to read about and have a think on. I find it interesting, for lack of a better word, that we are in an age and time where we have such education and understanding and yet we can still hold others to a certain standard when it is none of our concern. 

Those women may have apologised but when I read the comments sections, I understood why they felt the need to. So many comments pointed out their flaws or how different or tired they looked, and if this is constantly the feedback that they are exposed to, of course they will feel as though they have to be sorry for it. What I found most interesting was that most comments weren't by internet trolls, they were by fans or followers who had always been there. I don't think that their intentions are harsh, but it's what we have now become so accustomed to, that we feel the need to comment when it is no longer there.

Of course I'm talking about makeup here, but really any sort of imagined standard of appearance that is put on others is not okay. Something that started off as a bit of fun for most women has either become an obsession or a chore. I'm sure I sound so utterly against the idea of makeup but I love the stuff and I'm so fascinated and in awe of those who can apply it well and look so stunning with it. My only issue is that I generally think people look just as stunning without it.

I'm writing so much about other people and their presumed association with the stuff, I may as well explain my own view of it. In all honesty I don't have one. 

I'm just grateful that I don't feel a hold over my confidence from it. I'm grateful that as a young child, my mother never told me that I wasn't allowed to use it or that I was too young for it or anything along those lines. My dad once got me a huge makeup case when I was about 9 years old (he clearly didn't see anything wrong with it!) and it was one of those ones for young girls, with fluorescent pink blush and glitter lip glosses and the rest. I loved it and played dress up for about two weeks solid and then I got bored. I moved onto other interests after that. I never really thought about it until now, but I think the fact that I didn't have input from anyone else about if and when and how I should use it, meant that I formed my own opinion early on. I only ever saw it as a plaything. From then it couldn't define me because it held no interest for me. 

And now, at 22 years old, I do not wear makeup on a day to day basis and I love my complexion and all aspects of my face, because whenever I look in the mirror, I always see the same thing. I think that that is an important point in itself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing makeup on an almost religious basis, as long as you don't forget that that reflection isn't the real deal.

I'm not saying that it's always been easy to love my skin. I certainly have days where I question whether I should resort to making it look more even or brighter or fresher or any number of things that can be done. It doesn't help that society is still wired a certain way.

When I lived with friends at uni, and when I would make new friends, they were always so curious as to why I didn't wear makeup. My idea of getting ready to go out with them meant taking a shower and putting on nicer clothes, whereas for them, it meant an hour in front of a mirror perfecting their faces. I also got roped into it exactly two times in those three years; times where I was begged to let them apply makeup on me and I relented as a bit of fun. But what I found was that it wasn't me. Nothing looked like me anymore. I'll add a photo somewhere here, but take my word for it, that's not what I look like even on my best day. And I don't need to.

My biggest problem was with the foundation. It covers all manner of sins but in the end, when you wipe it away, the imperfections are still there and I found myself disliking them. That day as I washed my face, I noticed the small freckles and the noticeable pores and it bothered me. The thing is I didn't like that it bothered me so the next time I got a request for being made up, I declined with a smile and reminded myself that I'm amazing as is.

In recent years, I think that there has been a move towards embracing ourselves in all aspects, with celebrities and others going out of their way to point out their no makeup selfies, but I think when something has been so ingrained for so long, it can be tough to wholeheartedly embrace it.

What I've noticed is that while it begins as fun, something to add a touch of colour, for the majority it eventually becomes a crutch. I've seen friends and relations alike terrified at the prospect of going about their daily lives without a full face of makeup. They refuse to be seen without it. They feel anxious at the thought and they feel as though it makes them unkempt.

I can understand the latter; I've had my fair share of remarks from well meaning individuals that seem to question how much I value myself. "You really don't like making an effort, do you?" or "surely you could have at least added some *insert product of choice*."

These statements and remarks shouldn't happen but it has become the case that if a women isn't made up, then on some level, she doesn't value herself enough or that she is lazy. I won't lie, I do get much more extra sleep compared to some of my friends but I spend my time taking care of my skin and my nutrition so that I have a good enough base that I can be content with.

This post has run far too long and if you've made it to the end, I commend you! I don't want this post to come across at all like I'm criticising those that wear makeup or promote it. I simply hope that people can be happy enough in their own skin that it becomes fun for them again. So it can be an addition to your face instead of a replacement.

Let me know what you think in the comments! 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #27 - Graduation -- An anticlimax

Dear readers,

I wasn't sure if I was going to write this, but since you're reading it, I guess I decided! 

If any of you are recent graduates or soon to be graduates, I am sure that the excitement of this event is well known to you. it has been for me too, hence the late arrival of this post.

Graduation, to most people, is a joyous event celebrating hard work and achievement. In the UK, I feel like it is an especially big deal given that it is our first official graduation since we don't have a high school counterpart, as is the case in other countries.

So I graduated a few weeks ago, and from the moment I handed in my dissertation, I was in this blissed out bubble of ease. Everything was fairies and rainbows and perfectly chilled. Until I had to officially move out of my flat and leave my friends and then graduate.

Now, the day itself was so incredibly hectic that you don't even register what happened until after the fact. Also, make plans with friends before the event so that you all know where to meet and what to do. I did not do this... And hence spent most of the time on my own searching for my friends like a loner. In 4 inch heels I might add. The horror! 

Another thing is that graduation is mostly for your family. No matter what else is getting on your nerves and no matter how bratty you want to be, just don't. Let them have a day to coddle you and be as embarrassing as they like, in their pride for you. They're just happy and proud and so they should be for having such an awesome child/sibling!

I'll say this however, three years of work amounted to a walk across a stage and as silly as it may sound if you haven't experienced it, it's the best walk you'll ever take. It's an "I did it" experience. You got past the stress, the drama, the late nights and the hopelessness and you survived to tell the tale.

If you're anything like me, you take like as a be all and end all affair and it really isn't that deep. But if it were, graduation certainly wouldn't be, and isn't, the be all and end all of life. It's a great task to achieve but it's not everything.

If you've read any of my other posts you'll know that I'm a worrier. That being the case, as soon as my exams were over, I couldn't help but think about what was next. I didn't think of graduation as an event, but rather as the end of an era. What would I do next? Where do I go from here?

I think that, our generation especially, has a harder time dealing with the uncertainty of life because we've grown up in a time when that uncertainty developed itself. Economic crises, lack of jobs and just the general discourse within the world has led to a sad state of affairs for us and yet we still persevere and find our joy. Whether you've gotten to that point or not, remember that the struggle is worth it.

It's an unnerving thought to have but one that many people, in their twenties, often go through. There's no such thing as a concrete plan and nor should you ever gamble on just one thing. That's a warning from experience. 

But that is not at all to say that you shouldn't give your all to your career or life plan or passion. You absolutely should! It's only through hard work that we can get to where we want to be. I'm just saying that if plans change, don't let it break your heart. Pick yourself up and start again. Maybe something better will come your way.

Anyway that's enough existential rambling from me. I only really wanted an excuse to put up my graduation photos...

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #1 - Begin Again

Dear reader, (if anyone is actually reading this...)

This is my second attempt at keeping a blog. the last one consisted of a total of four posts, so the laws of probability are not on my side. But all that aside, I want to at least try, if for no other reason than that I love to write. For myself, for peace of mind, and for knowing that I stuck with it and accomplished something.

There is so much going on in my head at any one time, that I could fill several beautiful notebooks with my crazy musings. If only I could get out of my head long enough to forget that this is on the internet where anyone (or more likely, no one) will read it. So, that is my aim; to work through this frustrating self-consciousness towards what I want to achieve.

The point of this blog is exactly as the title state: A Thousand Letters Later. I want to get to that turning point of having written a thousand blog posts, all of which will be phrased as letters. I want to see where I am in my life at that ominous future point of 'Later' and this is my way of chronicling it. More importantly, this is meant to be fun. So it will be! I'm hoping that by not putting the usual pressure on myself, that I will be able to keep this light and fun, but also serious if I need it to be.

Sorry if this all sounds self involved, but it has taken me up until now to realise that for as good as it is to do what you can for others, sometimes we need to think of ourselves first. This is me doing exactly that. This is a place just for me, without bogging other people down with my concerns and being free to focus on something away from the stresses that come with modern day life.

Until the next time, be inspired...

Love, 
Z