Letter #49 - Don’t Let Expectations Hold You Prisoner

To anyone who needs a reminder,

So this post was meant to be up yesterday, since I’m doing this whole ‘every day in May’ thing, but while that was what was expected of me, by myself, it doesn’t mean it actually happened.

Instead, I worried about what to write about and faced a bit of a drought. The last 8 days have gone pretty well, even though I could feel myself petering out of the flow, every day. I started the month so prepared, with 4 posts ready and waiting before the first of the month even arrived. And they were all pretty long, substantial posts of close to 1000 words. It still wasn’t meeting my expeditions however, as I had also hoped to have photos to go with each post. I had to give up that idea pretty quickly but it wasn’t the end of the world and I just powered through with creating a backlog of posts for the month, and for the days that would get too hectic. This is much easier said than done.

The next expectation I had give up was that I would have each post up by 11am every day. The first couple of days I even managed 10am! But for me and how I’m living right now, it isn’t always sustainable. Sometimes things come up, people need help or favours that I have agreed to. And then there’s the everyday monotony that has to be contended with. The things that just need to get done, like feeding myself or hanging out with my brother in the evenings. These things can’t be moved around and I wouldn’t want them to be, so I have to instead move around my posts as they are more flexible to me, as a priority. My last few posts were pretty close to the end of the day, because I had literally written them half an hour before hitting publish at 11pm. But I still got it done and that was something that I was content with.

This last expectation is one that I really really wanted to follow through on for the entire month; to post every day was important to me as an experiment to myself that I could do it. And as of last night, that expectation is also one I haven’t met. I couldn’t even force it last night. It’s not that I didn’t have a single second to try. I mean I got into bed at 10pm, I had time there to try to bash something out but I was so so done with the day. I needed the day to be over and that meant sleeping it off. Even as I slept though, my mind wanted to get someone out. I literally dreamt I was writing this post and then woke up around 3am really confused and way too warm. It just wasn’t meant to be.

I came to the realisation this morning that I can’t force content out of thin air. My thoughts and opinions come from my life. They come about as a response to things I’ve seen or overheard, or ideas that have occurred to me over time. I can’t just pick a topic and decide to waffle on (as much as I love waffling, it doesn’t always work!). While I’ve been writing this week, I haven’t been doing a lot else for leisure. I haven’t been reading blogs, or listening to podcasts or even music or doing anything simply for the joy of it. I’ve been doing things out of an expectation that I should be doing them. That’s not fair to me and it’s not sustainable, in the way that I function best.

But at least I’ve allowed myself to notice that having expectations can work for some, but be a source of stress for others. I can’t expect each day to match the last or be better than it. Everything can’t always be great and that’s okay. It’s all survivable and manageable and in the end, it’s not like my world has exploded as a result of it. I have the luxury of that lack of urgency at least. I need to remember to be grateful for that.

That’s all from me, but hopefully you can be expecting another post from me before the day is out. That’s an expectation I’m happy to work towards! 

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #26 - The Flaws Within

Dear readers,

So I think I've mentioned before, that I am very careful speaking about religion in general, so as not to offend anyone or overstep from the limited knowledge I hold. But it's Ramadan again and my spiritual side wants to pop out so I don't think I should stop it.

For those that don't know, Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, which follows the lunar sightings, and as such, moves back by around 20 days each year. It is a month where Muslims around the world keep a daytime fast between sunrise and sunset, withholding from food and drink as well as abstaining for all manner of wrongdoings. So right now, Ramadan has fallen on the longest days that I myself have ever had to fast. Here in England, the fasts are around 18 hours long, given the long summer days.

It is my favourite time of year, however. It is a time for reflection, peace and humility. By emptying your stomach of food, you can instead focus on feeding your soul and practising your faith in any manner that you can.

I've found that a lot of people who may not necessarily practice actively during the rest of the year, seem to find themselves, or a better version of themselves during this month. I try to be one of them. And that fact is where this post stemmed from.

I try. But as a month of reflection, I've already reflected upon some stark realisations about myself and maybe these will apply to you or someone you know.

I'm not as great of a Muslim, or person for that matter, as I would like to be. I do try all year round to practice and I don't just mean by praying or reading. It's not always the tangible physical evidence that counts, although I do try there as well. I mean, I try to have good intentions, keep good thoughts, limit my anger and impatience, try not to be judgemental and so on. I feel that overall those acts from within help your soul as much as the fasting and the praying. I think that I do the best job that I can at those aspects, because they are traits that require reflection.

If I've been in a bad mood during the day and snapped unnecessarily at others, I'll reflect on that and try to prevent it happening again. If I've sworn at someone, I'll immediately regret it and as a result, I will try not to swear again. The reflection and improvement as a result, I feel comes quite easily to me.

It's the more tangible acts of worship that I seem to struggle with. It is said that during the month of Ramadan, the devil has no power over any of us. It is a month where we are protected, and yet people still sin or act in a way in which they would rather not. I think this just highlights the flaws within us. That we are all tainted by the world and by temptation and our own selfishness. These are all difficult things to rid ourselves of, but Ramadan is a time to try.

To me, Ramadan has that same renewing quality that a new year does. And in the same way, that I make resolutions for the new year, I make resolutions for Ramadan. I try to achieve more than I did the year before and build upon what I have already done and where I am spiritually.

Knowing yourself is a gift. Once you know, then that knowledge is yours to use and in doing so, actively work towards what and who you would like to be. 

Ramadan, it seems to me, is the best time to get to know yourself. It is a time without distraction, and excess and all the other white noise that filters into our lives. In this way, I find that it is the best time to figure out who you are and who you want to be.

It provides us with a whole month of opportunity. Every day is a new day to be better than you were yesterday and I think whether you are a Muslim or not, this is something that we can all benefit from. Who doesn't want to improve upon their past selves or move forward to something better? That is all that Ramadan is; a chance to be better, a chance to find your potential and embrace it.

So when you get disheartened, or feel like your efforts are not enough, just remember there's always tomorrow and there's always another chance. Take it and make use of it to the fullest extent of your being.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z