Letter #50 - Take The Power Away From Your Fears

To anyone who wants to take control of their fears,

Whenever I’m having an off day, when I’m feeling out of sorts, there’s usually a root cause or a stressor that I haven’t yet put my finger on. So instead, I just feel wrong for a couple days until I figure it out. It’s like for those two or three days, I’m just waking from a dream and I can’t wake fast enough to catch the dream before I forget it. Like that, my thoughts can run away faster than I can keep track of them. If I can’t keep track of them, I can’t get to the problem.

Now there’s nothing wrong with having an off day; I don’t think it’s humanly possible not to, but there are sometimes times when I can’t afford to have an off day. Say I’ve got a really important work project or an exam, and I’m too busy getting caught up in feeling bad to focus and yet, focus is the only thing I need in those moments. Well, when that happens, I’ve always needed to get out of my head and fix the problem quickly so it can’t bother me for the time being.

I had to go through a lot of trial and error over the years, but I figured out what works for me and I’ve had others try it too and so far, I’ve not had any complaints. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it is a comforting little practice.

I just make a list, brain-dumping everything that’s worrying me onto a piece of paper. Now, I’m all for the digital age, but for this to work properly, you need use put actual pen to a literal sheet of paper and not just type it out. All my anxieties, fears, uncertainty, I get it all out and onto the paper. I got through things systematically; I’ll start with things in my professional life, like deadlines or difficult work, then move onto my personal life and my relationships before finally listing my personal feelings and thoughts about myself. I get it all out of my head and in front of me.

Now this is where the therapy begins.

There are three ways of doing this, that I use at least. The first is to take that list of fears and rip it to shreds. I’ll tear it into tiny tiny pieces until it resembles confetti, and then likes symbolic of how those thoughts and fears are gone, for the time being at least. The physical act of the ripping helps a lot as it feels like I’ve destroyed the ideas on that piece of paper.

The next alternative that soothes the child in me is to take that sheet of paper to a sink and set fire to it. This is go to method, just because it feels the more freeing to me when I can see the negativity literally go up in flames. It is no longer something to concern myself with.

The last option is a great one too. This is a much calmer method but no less powerful. This method works best if you’ve used an ink/fountain pen to write your list. Biro will not have the same effect. You get a bowl of water, and you place the paper into the water. With an ink pen, you’ll be able to see the ink leaking and floating away, just like the words that make up your fears and problems. You can see them dissolve away and it’s a release. 

All three methods are a release and maybe there’s other way that you can come up with, but the essence of the practice is that it frees your mind up by drawing out the negativity and admitting it. It’s also easier to admit to a sheet of paper, in private, if you then know that you’re destroying that paper. There’s less vulnerability or concern that someone might find the paper and your sensitive thoughts. Trust me, it’s much easier that you think it might be.

In the end, you might not even find the cause of your off day, but you’ll feel somewhat lighter either way and that’ll go a long way in helping you to feel more like yourself much quicker. At least, it does for me.

So I hope this helps, and that if you’re in need of it, you can give it a try and find some level of satisfaction in destroying your fears.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #49 - Don’t Let Expectations Hold You Prisoner

To anyone who needs a reminder,

So this post was meant to be up yesterday, since I’m doing this whole ‘every day in May’ thing, but while that was what was expected of me, by myself, it doesn’t mean it actually happened.

Instead, I worried about what to write about and faced a bit of a drought. The last 8 days have gone pretty well, even though I could feel myself petering out of the flow, every day. I started the month so prepared, with 4 posts ready and waiting before the first of the month even arrived. And they were all pretty long, substantial posts of close to 1000 words. It still wasn’t meeting my expeditions however, as I had also hoped to have photos to go with each post. I had to give up that idea pretty quickly but it wasn’t the end of the world and I just powered through with creating a backlog of posts for the month, and for the days that would get too hectic. This is much easier said than done.

The next expectation I had give up was that I would have each post up by 11am every day. The first couple of days I even managed 10am! But for me and how I’m living right now, it isn’t always sustainable. Sometimes things come up, people need help or favours that I have agreed to. And then there’s the everyday monotony that has to be contended with. The things that just need to get done, like feeding myself or hanging out with my brother in the evenings. These things can’t be moved around and I wouldn’t want them to be, so I have to instead move around my posts as they are more flexible to me, as a priority. My last few posts were pretty close to the end of the day, because I had literally written them half an hour before hitting publish at 11pm. But I still got it done and that was something that I was content with.

This last expectation is one that I really really wanted to follow through on for the entire month; to post every day was important to me as an experiment to myself that I could do it. And as of last night, that expectation is also one I haven’t met. I couldn’t even force it last night. It’s not that I didn’t have a single second to try. I mean I got into bed at 10pm, I had time there to try to bash something out but I was so so done with the day. I needed the day to be over and that meant sleeping it off. Even as I slept though, my mind wanted to get someone out. I literally dreamt I was writing this post and then woke up around 3am really confused and way too warm. It just wasn’t meant to be.

I came to the realisation this morning that I can’t force content out of thin air. My thoughts and opinions come from my life. They come about as a response to things I’ve seen or overheard, or ideas that have occurred to me over time. I can’t just pick a topic and decide to waffle on (as much as I love waffling, it doesn’t always work!). While I’ve been writing this week, I haven’t been doing a lot else for leisure. I haven’t been reading blogs, or listening to podcasts or even music or doing anything simply for the joy of it. I’ve been doing things out of an expectation that I should be doing them. That’s not fair to me and it’s not sustainable, in the way that I function best.

But at least I’ve allowed myself to notice that having expectations can work for some, but be a source of stress for others. I can’t expect each day to match the last or be better than it. Everything can’t always be great and that’s okay. It’s all survivable and manageable and in the end, it’s not like my world has exploded as a result of it. I have the luxury of that lack of urgency at least. I need to remember to be grateful for that.

That’s all from me, but hopefully you can be expecting another post from me before the day is out. That’s an expectation I’m happy to work towards! 

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #48 - Having A Non-Routine Routine

To anyone without the organisation gene,

I feel like among the people I know, I’m in the minority when it comes to my take on organisation and routine. I’m of the view that “organised chaos” is a thing and it is a fairly acceptable means of organisation, if it work for you. 

For me, it does. If my desk is a mess, I will still know where to find things in that mess, because I remember putting them there. If someone comes and tidies my room without me knowing, to me that is a mess, because I can’t find what I need when I need it. In the same way, when it comes to routine, some people need to have a strict timeline that they follow, which is the only way they get anything done. Planners are used to their full extent and timing are obeyed down to the minute. That’s absolutely great, if you can manage that.

I cannot. 

For me, a routine is pretty non-existent. I don’t and can’t do things at set times. If I tried, something would get in the way and I would fail; this would bother me more than just not setting a timeline in the first place. I can’t fail when I haven’t got it on my radar in the first place. However, while I don’t restrict myself to times, I do still have daily goals or aims. Things that I hope to do before the day is out. Like writing for this blog.

This month, I’ve been waking up knowing that I’m going to get one post done every day. I just don’t know when that may be. It might be that, as soon as I wake up, I open google docs and bash something out. But alternatively, I may not have anything to say until 9pm, and then the post is later. But it is still completed and to me, that’s the most important part.

Of course, if there are deadlines and responsibility to adhere to, I won’t neglect them. I’ll just give myself enough time and enough days to do the work without forcing a restrictive timeline on myself.

I’m a big believer in breaking up the day to stay focused. Even if I could get 4 short tasks done in one sitting, this might mean that after that point, I get bored and demotivated, and then the rest of the day is lost. But if I use those shorter, easier tasks as breaks between longer, more difficult things, then I get more satisfaction and feel more productive. This is great, because I end my days feeling better about myself.

I suppose all I want to say on this topic is that your idea of a routine doesn’t have to match someone else’s, and for a long time, I would feel bad for not being as excessively organised as some people. Eventually I had to just develop a respect for myself and my personality and understand that when it comes to routine, I need a more open path than others. I’m more laidback as a person, and I think that reflects in my needs in  day to day life. I’m also annoying late, but that’s a story for another day!

So if you’re super organised, I would love to pick your brain as to how you manage it; if you’re not, then you do you and don’t put pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #47 - Being a Work-In-Progress

To anyone who feels incomplete,

I was thinking about being complete, the other day. When we think of our futures, don’t most of us think that at some point we’ll be done, settled and our lives will be complete? There’s this idea that you’re doing to reach a point where you don’t need to do or be more. I know when I was young, I thought that 40 was the end of the road, and that I had to complete everything on my bucket list by then or else life would have been pointless. Saying that now, it just seems silly yet at the same time, a part of me has those worries.

I look at myself at 24, and this is not what I pictured for myself but it’s not a bad life and I’m still working towards the things I pictured. But I am very much a work in progress. I’m not finished with my goals, not by a long shot! I can see myself having to be a work in progress for the rest of my life and I’ve only just now thought of how that’s entirely okay. 

To me, being a work in progress means having new ideas and making changes in your life, because if you stay still for too long, that doesn’t necessarily make you complete, more likely just unfinished. And I don’t ever want to be unfinished.

I think that trying new things, travelling, working, exploring yourself and your life, all lead to self improvement and that’s progress in a positive direction. It’s progress that you can always work on and work towards. As long as I’m trying to achieve something, or better myself, I’m going to keep moving forward toward that feeling of “being complete”. Yet, I will never be complete until I decide that I am.

Life isn’t still - if it was, it’d be really boring - and so doing things and having goals is what makes life interesting. It’s what gives life life. With this idea, being a work in progress, being incomplete in your life’s journey is part of the fun. If we stress less about what hasn’t happened and instead see it as things to look forward to, things that are going to happen at some point, then life would be so much more fun. It would be an adventure.

So that’s the conclusion I’ve come to; I’m fine with being a work in progress until I decide that I’m done and that feeling of contentment and decision will be when I’m complete. That’s totally fine with me. It will be my choice and on my terms, without some imagined finish line that has to match anyone else’s.

I hope that you can join me in seeing life this way, with an excitement for the unfinished nature of life and all the adventures that are yet to come.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #44 - Kindness is Taught

To literally everyone...ever,

Being a decent person seems like a given. We all think of it as something that is innate and simple and understandable to everyone. I always thought so. I wish that was the case. But I have observed so many moments, where people who I have witnessed being kind, good people, have surprised me with such specific cruelty that I've had to do a double take.

It's led me to the conclusion that ultimately kindness has to be taught and in turn, rude and disrespectful behaviour is also taught and learned. I don't think I'm saying anything groundbreaking here but I feel like saying it might make any who read this stop and assess themselves. I'm not thinking of a particular person or situation but just decency as a whole. 

I remember having a discussion with some friends long ago, and we were complaining about house chores for some reason that escapes me and then someone said they would just hire a maid to deal with whatever mess they made. Another friend then replied that they agreed with the idea of hiring help, but "I'd want them to be a part of the family. I wouldn't want them to do anything that I wouldn't dare do myself. You've got to remember that whoever you may hire will be someone's parent, child, or sibling. I'd want to treat them with the same respect I'd want someone to give to my family." That is the kind of decency I'm talking about. After that one conversation, I did not think I could have more respect for that person and yet it grew.

We all hope and try to be good people. I don't ever want to be in such a cynical place that I believe people are innately bad, first and foremost. However, I think that those moments where you're having a bad day or something has gone wrong and you still hold back from taking it out on another person, those are the moments we should aspire to. Those should be our defining qualities.

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I try to see things from their point of view. Why are they like that? What made them into that person? I can totally understand that sometimes people are a product of their environments and that a harsh atmosphere can breed a harsher individual.

But the part that grates me is that the actions of such an individual can take a toll on those around them. They can hurt people with their words and actions and I feel like hurt sticks around a whole while longer than anger or frustration or any number of things that caused their harshness.

So if I hope for one thing today, it’s that we hold on to the kindest parts that we can be, because it might just be the thing that makes or breaks someone’s day. I think it’s a worthwhile reminder to have.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z  

Letter #43 - Resilience Is The Best Thing Life Can Teach You

To those who will be starting again soon,

At this time of year, I always think about the end of school, or more recently university. Around this time two years ago, I had handed in my dissertation and had my final exams and I thought the hard part was over.

I could not have been more wrong! I thought that having my degree and knowing all that I’d learnt would mean that the change involved in getting a job or just growing up into a functioning adult would be more of a step than a leap. It would be a minor thing, rather than something consuming my waking moments. 

I know that I wasn’t alone in this feeling of too much pressure and feeling like you’re falling at every new step. I’ve been thinking about those difficulties now, two years on, when myself and all of my friend have become more settled in their lives since that point. With further study, or finding the perfect job, their resilience paid off. But I don’t think any of us thought that at the time.

So it got me thinking that there are probably others out there right now, going through this exact thing. And that’s not to say that people don’t have regular changes and problems in life, just that the ones that feel like the end of the world, are sometimes only the beginning of a new one. 

Surviving against pressure is a funny thing. It’s like the coal to diamond transformation; you wouldn’t believe it until it happened. When things get hard, it can be all too understandable to just stop and think that it’s not worth it or that it’s not going anywhere. Of course, it’s understandable. It’s human nature. You want to survive and the things that make that difficult make you think it won’t aid in your survival. But what if you survive without the struggle, and find that there’s nothing on the other side.

I’ve done both things. I’ve done the whole “I give it, it’s not worth it” thing but then I’ve also done the “I am sticking this out because I know it’ll be worth it” thing.
And I infinitely prefer the latter. Because even if nothing comes of it, you tried and the resilience of learning to try is the greatest feeling ever. At least, it is to me! And apparently to tons of the most successful people out there. Google the person that inspires you most, and I guarantee that 9 times out of 10, it took them a long time to get to where they are now. But the fact that they got there means it’s doable. So do it.

There’s a rush to it; a feeling that your chemistry has been altered by the act of sticking it out and seeing something come to life. I don’t think we can teach ourselves to be resilient just by thinking we should. I feel as though it’s about getting to your breaking point, letting yourself break and then putting the pieces back in place, but in a stronger composition. So that next time, you don’t break as easily, you just bend. And then the time after that, and after that, you never break again.

There’s an art to sticking it out, after rejection and after compromise and after failing. To me, part of that comes from having a support system. Having someone who reminds you to push back and to keep trying again. I think we can find that support in different places; family, friends, corners of the internet that just get you, or pets even!

After bouncing back is when the best things happen. That resilience shows you that no project or activity is ever bad enough; it’s about finding the right composition that makes sense for you. If it didn’t work this time, who’s to say it won’t next time.

If you’re reading this now, and are struggling to make something work out the way that you want, see if there’s another way around it. You’ll get there in the end!

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #42 - Believing in your Potential

To anyone struggling with believing in themselves,

Over the last year, I’ve had to work hard at not underestimating myself, because if I had, there are a number of things that wouldn’t have happened. But getting to that point of truly believing that I had the potential, to do the things I wanted, was really really difficult.

I feel like maybe it’s a part of being British, but self-deprecation is like a finely honed skill for us. We minimise our abilities or our talents in a rather dismissive way and this is an act that, while seemingly harmless, over time can end up seeping in and being believed.

For all the times, I would jokingly dismiss something that was pretty great about myself, I would end up genuinely thinking that in the end. Maybe not completely but to enough of an extent that it gave my confidence a direct knock on the head. 

If you have enough of those knocks, then what is there left to believe in? If we can’t be our own loudest cheerleaders, then how can we even trust when others try to help us I’m realising it?

So all of those little niggling questions made me think about how I was thinking about my own potential. I was only ever half-way believing that I could do things. When that’s the case, how could I ever actively do enough to fulfil the full amount of my potential?

Don't put yourself down

I found that I had to shut down that voice in my head that would tell me to dismiss or scoff at compliments about myself. This was really hard. I’m the first one to say “oh but it’s only...”, by way of negating whatever has been tossed my way. Words like “only” and “just” are like negative qualifiers that I hadn’t noticed I used so often. But once I took note, I got gradually get a handle on it.

List everything
The next thing that was the major contributor to genuinely believing in myself was listing it. I love lists, they’re the perfect way of organising chaos and chaotic, brain dump lists are my favourite. I literally sat down and wrote down all the things that I thought I was good at. I didn’t consult with anyone else. This was solely about me and what I believed about myself. I wrote and wrote and wrote until I was satisfied that I had covered enough. Then I took a photo of the list and saved it as my phone’s lock screen photo. This was a great way to remind myself of the things that I could do, when I would falter or face a setback. It was nice to have something to look at and remember that before that setback, this is what I saw in myself. And that what I saw was pretty great! 

Ask someone else
If that doesn’t help as much as it could, then my final go-to was to ask someone I trusted whether they thought I could do it. I found that for me, it was going to my mum; she would give me tough love and I would be confident that whatever she was saying was from a place of love but also a place of responsibility, so as not to give me false hope. My mum is the first person to tell me when I’m absolutely rubbish at something. But she’s also the first to sing my praises.

So if all else fails, find someone who will give you a kind but truthful answer as to your potential. If it’s about something work-related, maybe a colleague would be best. If it’s about your personal development, I found friends and family to be better at knowing me.

So if you’re reading this and feeling a bit off about yourself and your potential to do or be anything you want, break it down and do these three things and I hope that they help. If nothing else, list the things you’re capable of. I’m sure the list will be longer than you think.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #41 - Taking a Moment for Positivity

To anyone who takes the time to read,

I've been absent from this site for far longer than I planned and I can't really explain it other than to say I had to go through a bit of a mindset adjustment.

I went from a place of pathetic wallowing for the first half of last year to then finding a kind of “peace” from which amazing things happened. Like bucket list things! Okay, maybe just one thing... but that’s one more than there would have been, had I not had a change to my thinking.

If I’m honest, I love a pity party at times. There’s moments where it is absolutely allowed, when things just categorically suck, but then sometimes it’s really not as bad as you think. This blog was never meant to be a place for my negativity but instead a way for accountability and growing out of such feelings. Easier said than done, clearly.

I can only assume that that past year was my “quarter life crisis”, my ungrateful millennial phase, but I don't know if it was. I know that at some point, I got tired before my time. I got tired of trying and putting everything in to my ideas and dreams and whimsies. I got tired and I got afraid. (I can literally hear your eye rolling, but bear with me!) But beyond the fear and the apathy, was a deep need to accomplish. But it was also not something that seemed to come into existence in the way in which I had hoped it would.

So all I could do was figure out a change that needed to be made or remain stagnant. I chose change. 

I remember being younger, and asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist. Without even taking a moment to think, I blurted out “pessimist”, to the surprise of my teachers. A 10 year old is not meant to be pessimistic, it seemed. But for years, I said that it was just my nature. To worry and plan and hold my breath for the moment things went wrong. Because to me, the glass was always half empty and I was just waiting for everyone else to realise that. To say I was a worrier would be an understatement. 

I was always surprised when things would go my way, from good grades to things I was trying to achieve in my personal life. Because there was always a part of me that held my breath and went into everything thinking it wouldn’t work out.

But then when the disappointing thing happened last year, I expected it. I had a little cry and then I shrugged. Realistically I hadn’t expected it to happen. I was still holding my breath. Until my mum noticed that my negative thinking as always been a dark cloud over everything I do. That I have the potential to achieve the things I want, but that if I can’t believe it for myself then why should anyone else take a chance on me? 

It made sense but what could I do? It was just my nature. My mother did not agree. She thought positive thinking was all I needed to work on. I had never put much faith in that. How could simple imagination make things happen? It seemed wishy washy and not at all something I should take seriously.

Now let's just say, at that point, I would try anything. It’s not like my way had worked. 

So I gave it another shot, this time changing my mindset. Now, it’s not really as easy as simply snapping my fingers. I had to force the change. I had to become aware of my thoughts and my feelings, and make an active effort to correct them when they went back to their ways of “it won’t happen”, and “this is dumb”.

I found that meditation helped; starting each day with a calm mind and thinking that I can and I will accomplish my tasks for that day. And when meditation didn’t work, I prayed on it. Between the two practices, I had my bases covered and it did make a difference.

I was actually excited to see how things panned out, instead of hesitant and having an expectation of disappointment from the get go. I tried, and I reminded myself that even if it didn’t work, what did I really have to lose? I still had my health, my family and friend and my home. I would only be “behind” on my own schedule. In the grand scheme of things, it would be a blip, not an explosion. 

 As if on cue, things started working out. I finished projects that were 10 years old, I got back into enjoying things that I had convinced myself were pointless failures and I achieved my ultimate goal... but that’s a story for another day!

This was just a little catch up on how positivity can truly make a difference. Not a magical difference, but one that affects your personality and our thoughts and in turn, your actions. I was proved wrong; there is nothing wishy-washy about it. So give it a try if you’re not the most hopeful person, and if you are, keep on doing what you do.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z

Letter #40 - 23 Things I've Learnt In 23 Years

Dear readers,

It was my 23rd birthday this week, and I figured I'd borrow an idea that's been floating around the blogosphere for a couple of years. Since I'm always up for a bit of self reflection, I thought I'd reflect on what I've learnt over the years. 

Here's 23 things I've learnt over my 23 years:

1 - Always moisturise, regardless of how lazy you feel. You will feel awful in the morning, when you wake up with irritated dry patchy skin. Don't do it! Skincare is too important to skimp on.

2 - Always keep a book in your handbag (or download a few onto your phone/tablet). You'll look really put together to anyone who might see you and you'll never be bored.

3 - Sometimes cake for breakfast is the only way to go. Don't knock it until you've tried it and don't feel guilty while you do.

4 - Smile at strangers (and retail workers). You never know what such a small gesture could mean to someone. If you have the chance to make someone smile, always take it.

5 - Feeling like your life is slowly falling apart is natural.It's not just you and it takes time to get to a place of stability. Even that hardly lasts long.

6 - When someone shows you their true colours, believe them. Seeing the good is one thing, but trying to find good when it isn't there is another entirely.

7 - Take time for your family, always. If you stop and think about it, your siblings are growing up and your parents are growing older. Don't take time for granted.

8 - Sometimes a day of sleeping in and lazing around is a good idea. When the world gets too loud, take it as a cue to take a break.

9 - Perspective is so important. It can change a world ending disaster into a blessed new chapter. Try it!

10 - Your health is something only you can comment on. Don't let someone else tell you that you're healthy or otherwise, if you don't think that's the case. You know your body.

11 - Education doesn't end once you're out of school. Your desire to learn may well be more prominent when you can choose what and when you want to learn. 

12 - Taking time out for yourself does not make you selfish!

13 - Always always always wear your retainer! If you've had to go through years of braces and treatments, why would you risk it all getting ruined by your sheer laziness? (I speak from experience of being that lazy idiot).

14 - Do not scroll through Instagram when you're having a bad day. It will make you feel worse.

15 - Scroll through Pinterest instead and just see as you feel all warm and fuzzy. If that fails, cute animal videos on YouTube are always a win!

16 - Baking is therapeutic to me. I don't even need to eat the goods; sharing is caring.

17 - Waking up before the sun rises, and watching it come up, is a great start to any day.

18 - Sleep is important and we all need different amounts of it. Don't feel lazy if you sleep a bit longer every night than the next person.

19 - No matter how old you get, a hug from a loved one will fix all manner of sins.

20 - If a hug isn't feasible, a cup of tea will work wonders.

21 - Stop comparing lives, successes or failures. Just be your own biggest fan and just do you!

22 - No matter how out of reach your dreams may be, try and try again. There's nothing worse than unfulfilled potential. "What ifs" are no fun.

23 - Just have fun and don't take yourself too seriously. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you!

It was surprising quite difficult to think of enough points, but digging a little deeper and reflecting is always a good thing.

That's all from me for now. 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #31 - Gratitude shouldn't be this hard

Dear readers,

I haven't written in a while, I know, but it felt like the world was starting to fall apart and it felt frivolous to just write my thoughts and expect anyone to even want to read them. This isn't a place for me to talk politics or economics and so I won't. But I just think that the state of the world will always be in trouble, if we go by what history reminds us, but it can always be salvaged by individuals so be those individuals. *political aside done*

Anyway, it's thanksgiving weekend in America. That's not very relevant to me given that I'm in the UK and all I know of thanksgiving comes from episodes of the event that I watched on Friends. But even without knowing much about the history of the day, the word alone evokes a warming sentiment. I like that fact.

It is a day to give thanks and I don't think there is a better activity to spend the day on. We may not celebrate the even here, but I want to celebrate what I feel to be the essence of the day by being grateful.

We're always so busy and jumping from one thought to another without much time to actually think. We want things done quickly so we can move on to the next task. We want what we want as and when we want it. All of that wanting can begin to take over if it isn't reigned in with some perspective.

When you live in an age of ease and speed, it can be easy to complain when we don't get what we want. We complain at the slow wifi, or the traffic jam slowing us down, or the time it takes between ordering a coffee and then receiving it. We're a generation of complainers now. I'm mostly talking about myself here but I'm sure others do it too.

We're never just grateful for having wifi at all, for having a car for transport, for having the luxury of buying a coffee every day. It's those small privileges that we forget about when we're so caught up in our own self-importance. I know that I whine the moment an Amazon delivery doesn't arrive on time or when I'm in an area where I can only get 3G mobile data, over 4G. It's pathetic really and it's embarrassing to say out loud because then I have to actually think about it.

If we spent those moments when we're beginning to complain, actually thinking about what we are complaining about, we would see all that we have to be grateful for instead. Gratitude is difficult. Sometimes we all just want to feel sorry for ourselves and say "woe is me"; it feels good at the time to indulge ourselves. But what does it actually get us? How can we grow by doing so? Simple answer: we can't.

So why waste our time doing it? If we're all for speed and efficiency, why should we waste precious moments being ungrateful about the small things?

I've been thinking about this all week now, and I think that I've reached a solution that I can be happy with. I'm going to start trying to be more aware of my thoughts so that I can stop them in their tracks.

If I start to whine, I'll twist it on its head and see if it's really something that needs moping about. If I start to complain that the house is too cold this winter, I'll remind myself that I have a home and that I can layer on an extra jumper. 

It might sound like I'm taking this too far and trying to be too "good", and maybe I am. Of course you can complain if you want to. The important part is that I personally don't want to. If the twenties are the time when good habits should be made, then this is definitely one that I am happy to develop.

The world tries so hard to shove change down our throats and to get us to want to be something that we're not. We end up coveting something that never even occurred to us before it was made popular. That's a post for another day though!

For now, I just want to try to be a little more mindful with my thoughts. So at the end of every month, I'm going to start a short round up of things that I am thankful for.

For this month, I'm thankful for:

my thoughts: I appreciate the ability to have a voice and opinion of my own and that I have never had to suppress or hide it.

my blog: I love that I have the opportunity to get my voice out there and say whatever I please and cultivate a project that I can look back on.

chocolate: specifically dark chocolate! I'm thankful that it is technically good for me. I love the fact that while my recent dietary requirements have cut out a lot of foods that I loved, I am at least still left with chocolate.

That's enough rambling from me for today! Let me know what you're thankful for in the comments! We should all have something that we can stop and appreciate today and every other day.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #29 - What you know is up to you!

To anyone who is reading this,

I've been wracking my brains, forcing myself to produce content and I've hit a roadblock. There was a never a goal for this blog; I never had a plan as to how I would approach this task. I just wanted to write. And I enjoy writing and it's my favourite pastime but a lot of what I write is the just random internal musings. Before this blog, I had two novel ideas on the go and then I lost faith in my ability to write well enough.

This blog was supposed to be a place for me to keep writing without the pressure of having a finished product. Those novels are currently sitting gathering dust but I never forget about them. A huge part of why I stopped developing them was that I felt that I was too young. Too inexperienced. Couldn't possibly perceive the world. And I do see that when I read back over work that I wrote when I was 16 years old. But I also see a lot of insight and understanding about things that I hadn't experienced at the time.

It was always the phrase "write what you know" that got to me and allowed me to falter when I should have pushed on. I felt that the things that I "knew" where not interesting enough to write about and to create a story from. But then what do any of us know?

If we can only know what we have experienced then there is a lot that I shouldn't know and neither should you. But I think it comes down to the type of person that you are. This is totally just my opinion by the way.

I feel like there are two types of people in the world. There are those who need to live out every action and essentially make the mistakes that they can the learn from. They're the people who need to touch flames to believe that they will be burnt. Then there are those that can understand an idea, to a certain extent of course, and develop an opinion through what they know of that idea. They can logically put two and two together and always get four. These people don't need to experience something to know that it will be bad for them or for the situation.

It may sound boring and tentative but I know that I'm part of the latter half. I think it makes me a realist, rather than a sceptic. I've always had a way of understanding more than I should have at the time. I think that's what people mean when they say that  someone is an old soul. It simply means that they know more than their age dictates.

If I think back, my opinions at 16 were definitely not perfect and they were very black and white, with no room for the grey area. But even then, I did understand that the grey area existed and was important to some people. I just didn't think I was one of them.

Now if I look at myself, I am very much a believer of the importance of circumstance surrounding situations and as such, I proactively live in the grey area, with much fewer definitive opinions. To some, that alone is enough to say that clearly experience has had an effect on me and I have matured. I'd say they were right and wrong all at the same time.

My capacity for understanding was exactly the same; I still understood situations with the same level of thought back then as I do know. The difference is only in the fact that my values have developed.

This is a really convoluted post but I was basically just saying that if you're a little stuck in life, figure out which type of person you are and from there, you can figure out a course of action. Try it and let me know if it works for you!

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #26 - The Flaws Within

Dear readers,

So I think I've mentioned before, that I am very careful speaking about religion in general, so as not to offend anyone or overstep from the limited knowledge I hold. But it's Ramadan again and my spiritual side wants to pop out so I don't think I should stop it.

For those that don't know, Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, which follows the lunar sightings, and as such, moves back by around 20 days each year. It is a month where Muslims around the world keep a daytime fast between sunrise and sunset, withholding from food and drink as well as abstaining for all manner of wrongdoings. So right now, Ramadan has fallen on the longest days that I myself have ever had to fast. Here in England, the fasts are around 18 hours long, given the long summer days.

It is my favourite time of year, however. It is a time for reflection, peace and humility. By emptying your stomach of food, you can instead focus on feeding your soul and practising your faith in any manner that you can.

I've found that a lot of people who may not necessarily practice actively during the rest of the year, seem to find themselves, or a better version of themselves during this month. I try to be one of them. And that fact is where this post stemmed from.

I try. But as a month of reflection, I've already reflected upon some stark realisations about myself and maybe these will apply to you or someone you know.

I'm not as great of a Muslim, or person for that matter, as I would like to be. I do try all year round to practice and I don't just mean by praying or reading. It's not always the tangible physical evidence that counts, although I do try there as well. I mean, I try to have good intentions, keep good thoughts, limit my anger and impatience, try not to be judgemental and so on. I feel that overall those acts from within help your soul as much as the fasting and the praying. I think that I do the best job that I can at those aspects, because they are traits that require reflection.

If I've been in a bad mood during the day and snapped unnecessarily at others, I'll reflect on that and try to prevent it happening again. If I've sworn at someone, I'll immediately regret it and as a result, I will try not to swear again. The reflection and improvement as a result, I feel comes quite easily to me.

It's the more tangible acts of worship that I seem to struggle with. It is said that during the month of Ramadan, the devil has no power over any of us. It is a month where we are protected, and yet people still sin or act in a way in which they would rather not. I think this just highlights the flaws within us. That we are all tainted by the world and by temptation and our own selfishness. These are all difficult things to rid ourselves of, but Ramadan is a time to try.

To me, Ramadan has that same renewing quality that a new year does. And in the same way, that I make resolutions for the new year, I make resolutions for Ramadan. I try to achieve more than I did the year before and build upon what I have already done and where I am spiritually.

Knowing yourself is a gift. Once you know, then that knowledge is yours to use and in doing so, actively work towards what and who you would like to be. 

Ramadan, it seems to me, is the best time to get to know yourself. It is a time without distraction, and excess and all the other white noise that filters into our lives. In this way, I find that it is the best time to figure out who you are and who you want to be.

It provides us with a whole month of opportunity. Every day is a new day to be better than you were yesterday and I think whether you are a Muslim or not, this is something that we can all benefit from. Who doesn't want to improve upon their past selves or move forward to something better? That is all that Ramadan is; a chance to be better, a chance to find your potential and embrace it.

So when you get disheartened, or feel like your efforts are not enough, just remember there's always tomorrow and there's always another chance. Take it and make use of it to the fullest extent of your being.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z