Letter #36 - Sleep is precious

Dear readers, 

When thinking about self care for this week, I got to thinking about one of my favourite pastimes: sleep. Given how busy this time of year is for most people, I wanted to focus on an area that I feel most people skimp on and neglect.

When we're all so focused on getting tasks done and being as productive as possible in our waking hours, we tend to allow our waking hours to go on too long. Now I say "we" but I very rarely do this myself unless I absolutely have to. I love my sleep too much and I think it isn't valued enough when it comes to health and well being. A good night's rest can solve all manner of problems.

One phrase that bugs me to no end is "you can sleep when you're dead". Yes, you absolutely can! But guess what? You'll reach that point a lot sooner if you keep sacrificing your sleep. It's ridiculous and an empty effort at productivity when you're too tired to think straight. At least I think so.

For me, sleeping is my favourite part of the day because it means that my thoughts stop for a time and it gives me a chance to breathe. I say this, but really I'm someone who has many dreams and I know that I'm dreaming but when I wake, I cannot remember what I was dreaming about. It's strange but I like that fact. I only ever remember how I felt while I was asleep. So I can gauge how well I slept but remember how I felt at the time.

Even today, it's a Sunday so I had a lie in and woke up at 11am. For me, that's a big deal since I'm usually up at 6am but I had such a good sleep, I cannot put it into words. I don't think many people think about their sleep, other than a fleeting thought into how well or badly they slept.

Since it's getting to the end of the year, and people try to start fresh and set goals for the year ahead, getting good quality sleep into your lifestyle is my suggestion to you all. 

First, use the holidays to figure out how much sleep you feel that you need. It's wildly different for everyone. Personally, I need around 9-10 hours to feel completely refreshed and functioning. But I know others who can just about manage 5-6 hours before their eyes flick open. They cannot sleep for longer than that without it being that they have overslept and are now too tired. 

Our sleep cycles are an interesting thing. I've found that there is such a fine line between a good amount of sleep and way too much sleep. Even an extra half an hour in bed can mess with your entire day. 

Also, I remember reading somewhere that how tired you feel related to the sleep you got two nights ago. So if you woke up this Sunday morning refreshed, you must have had a good amount of sleep on Friday night. This is why we can sometimes feel so rough on a Monday morning, even if we got to bed early on Sunday night, but we forget how late we were up on Saturday night! So take the holidays as a time to figure it out.

Work out how many hours you need to feel refreshed and awake. And happy. For me, I feel much happier when I've slept well.

Figure out what type of sleeper you are

Are you a light sleeper, stirring at the slightest sound or are you dead to the world the moment your head hits a pillow? If you're a light sleeper, get some thick opaque curtain that won't let light through and sleep in total darkness so that the sunrise or street lamps cannot disturb you. If you're a deep sleeper, maybe invest in a good loud alarm so that you can actually wake on time and not oversleep. Finding what works for you is he most important thing.

Have a bedtime figured out

Once you know how many hours you need, work backwards from the time that you know you need to wake up until you've figured out the best time for you to sleep at. And then go back an extra hour so that you can use that time to get a night time routine sorted. This will ensure that you won't forget when you do to sleep and you can do whatever you need to, to complete your day. So if you need to lay out clothes for the next morning, do it. If you need you make sure you've prepped lunch, do it. And then as soon as you get to the time that you need to be in bed, make sure that you are. 

Absolute darkness is the best

If you want a good sleep, then make sure your bedroom is pitch black because your eyes won't have to adjust to the darkness under your eyelids as much. Because I've found that that time of adjustment can be really disruptive to my sleep when I've maybe been looking at my phone moments beforehand. You know those dancing lights that you can get when you've been blinded by the flash from a camera, and then every time you blink, you can see the light? It's like that and if you know how annoying that light is, you know how disruptive it must be just before you knock out.

If all else fails, take a nap!

If you're still shattered during the day, just take a quick nap if you can fit it in. But beware of how naps make you feel. For me, naps make everything better. Even if I take a nap at 6pm and wake up at 7pm, I can still manage to fall asleep again at 10pm. It's a gift.

But I do know that not everyone shares my love of naps. My mum would always tell me off for napping saying that "you'll never get to sleep tonight!" While that's not the case for me, I know plenty of people who will get stuck wide awake at 2 in the morning because they took a nap in the afternoon. So find out what you need and cater your patterns to those needs.

 Normally, I love writing for this blog but I always feel as though I have no place to actually be offering my opinions. But when it comes to sleep, I'm an absolute pro. I wish sleeping for a living was actually a thing. I'd be brilliant at it.

Let me know if you found any of this helpful and what are your feeling about sleep?

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #35 - A warm drink makes everything better

To anyone looking for a drink,

I've been trying to curb my chocolate cravings for this new health kick I'm on but at this time of year, it's proving even more difficult. I can already take solace in the fact that I love dark chocolate so that's at least a teensy bit better for me.

After scouring Pinterest for ideas and testing flavours , I've put together 3 warming winter drink suggestions to keep you cosy when the air starts to get icy outside.

Now of course my go to winter drink is a large mug of hot chocolate and the thicker the better. But since I'm trying to be a bit more mindful of what I eat, I found two equally warming drinks that don't contain quite as many "bad" ingredients.

Chai tea

The first is chai tea. I refrain from adding latte on the end of that, because it's not a latte until you add the milk, and that's a choice of preference. I'd only ever tried this one before a few years ago (or so I thought) when it gained popularity and I spat it out straight away. It was gritty and way too milky and it was just put off for life, or so I'd assumed.

When I was scouring the cupboards for the spices that some of these chai recipes required, my mum came in and asked if she could help. She then proceeded to call me a hopeless Pakistani, if I didn't know how to make it already and I have to be fair to her, the way she explained it, I've watched her make tea like that for years. Suddenly it was a familiar recipe that my mum would always just make to taste. And honestly it's much better than any of the coffee shop versions, even if I do say so myself!

- tea bags - one per serving

- 1 cup of water per serving

- stick of cinnamon (or cinnamon powder)

- nutmeg (fresh or powdered)

- ginger (fresh or powdered)

- cardomom (fresh or powdered)

- whole cloves

- vanilla pod (extract can be used too)

- sugar/honey/sweetener (optional)

- milk (optional)

I have deliberately not added amounts to this ingredient list because when it comes to this infusion, it entirely depends on your tastes. I'd always say begin with a little and add more to your tastes. Spices such as these tend to be quite strong and if you're not used to the combination, it can be quite overpowering. 

Again, it is down to personal preference and also availability as to whether you'll use fresh or powdered forms of the spices. For me, the fresher it is, the stronger the flavour but in a less overpowering way. That doesn't sound like it'll make sense to anyone but I know what I mean so I'll hope you do too! 

The recipe itself is simple enough. add the tea bags and water to a saucepan and bring it to a boil and at that point, add all the spices and allow it to simmer for a few minutes. Once you can smell it filling up your kitchen, it will be safe to take it off the heat. Strain the tea to remove all the whole ingredients and add milk at this point, if you want to. 

It should be the perfect warming blend to see you through the colder nights and you get the positive of having the fragrance fill your home for a while afterwards!

And about those China tea cups... let's just say I've been watching a LOT of Downton Abbey recently and I wanted to do things properly. I did have to raid my mum's special crockery cupboard so I may be in trouble if these end up chipped. Oops! Since the tea cups had such a vintage feel, I thought I'd filter the photos to match.

Spiced apple juice

If teas are not your cup of tea (hehehe), then this spiced juice will be just as warming and cosy, without the caffeine. It's really simple too! I was finding all sorts of variations on Pinterest so I just smushed it together to make my own concoction.

- 2 cups apple juice

- stick of cinnamon

- 4 cardamom pods

- zest of one orange

Just like before, pop it all into a saucepan and heat until it's infused and you can smell the spices. It should take about 5 minutes. Then strain, pour into cups and enjoy.

Decadent Hot Chocolate

Now I know I said I wanted replacements for hot chocolate and these two drinks are both comforting and good for you in terms of the spices involved. But I also think, you only live once and you can enjoy a sweet, decadent treat when you need it.

My trick here is to have smaller portions and savour it so that that is all you need. If you think the other recipes were simple, this will be fit for a 6 year old to follow - with adult supervision of course.

This hot chocolate only requires a few squares of dark chocolate and some double cream. You can substitute the double cream for milk or make it half and half of each depending on how rich you would like it.

You simple heat enough double cream for a small mug (~100ml) and place squares of chocolate at the bottom of your mug of choice. When you pour the hot cream over the chocolate, it will eventually melt into the liquid and there you have a rich drink. You should add chocolate to suit your tastes so I prefer dark chocolate but it'll work just as well with white or milk chocolate.

Another simple trick is to infuse the cream with a handful of mint leaves if you want a refreshing minty aftertaste. It'll taste like an after eight mint. Another trick that helps me to be good, is to use espresso cups as they are small enough for a treat but you can't over indulge with them.

I hope you enjoyed these simple easy recipes. I always find that when you make something for yourself, it is all the more satisfying.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #34 - Make sure it brings you joy

To anyone who has ever questioned it,

In keeping my word about regular self care posts on a Sunday, I was going to write about skin care in the winter, because to me it always feeling like a bit of a pamper session. I've had a lot of people compliment, or rather question, the condition of my skin recently; what magic potion I must be using to keep it so clear. The thing is, I love my skin in the winter as it always seems to thrive before turning into a patchy mess come spring. But the irony of life stepped in just as I woke up intent on taking posts for the blog, with spots scattered across my chin and my cheeks. Now, I doubt that that's a sight anyone needs to see so I've had to talk about something else.

This is something I've noticed for a while and with the start of December, comes vlogmas for some YouTubers and that has made the issue more prominent in my eyes. Like anyone, I have my favourite social media 'influencers' and on watching recent videos or following their Snapchat and Instagram stories, the same words pop up all the time. These are words that always sounded strange but I presume that they come from a place of concern since their jobs are to portray their lives in a certain way. 

The words tend to fall along the lines of "sorry I look a mess", "I know I don't look great just yet" or "excuse my face" and they are soon followed by a reason as to why they haven't got makeup on. I hear it time and time again, and I feel sad for them. I can understand that they make a career out of beauty products and how to style their look and their makeup but surely they can be excused their appearance at the moment of waking or working in an empty home or simply living their lives.

The prominence of these words almost seems unfair on them. The Christmas season can be busy for the best of us and especially so for them, given that they have their own schedules to work to and events to attend AND they film it for the entertainment of others. But we shouldn't forget that they are filming a lot of their personal lives, and I think that that takes a certain level of courage and it's fantastic of them to do so. The level of public knowledge of their lives is different to that of celebrities in the traditional sense, since they are willingly letting the public into their lives and that is something you have to admire, whatever your view on them. 

But the sheer number of women who apologised to the camera for being flustered, or busy or especially, when they didn't have makeup on, and looked "a mess" was one too many. It sparked a thought and so that's why I'm writing this. 

Firstly, it isn't right for anyone to have to apologise for being a human being with a face that comes naturally unpainted. I needed to address that because it needs addressing and I'm sure it is something that people need to read about and have a think on. I find it interesting, for lack of a better word, that we are in an age and time where we have such education and understanding and yet we can still hold others to a certain standard when it is none of our concern. 

Those women may have apologised but when I read the comments sections, I understood why they felt the need to. So many comments pointed out their flaws or how different or tired they looked, and if this is constantly the feedback that they are exposed to, of course they will feel as though they have to be sorry for it. What I found most interesting was that most comments weren't by internet trolls, they were by fans or followers who had always been there. I don't think that their intentions are harsh, but it's what we have now become so accustomed to, that we feel the need to comment when it is no longer there.

Of course I'm talking about makeup here, but really any sort of imagined standard of appearance that is put on others is not okay. Something that started off as a bit of fun for most women has either become an obsession or a chore. I'm sure I sound so utterly against the idea of makeup but I love the stuff and I'm so fascinated and in awe of those who can apply it well and look so stunning with it. My only issue is that I generally think people look just as stunning without it.

I'm writing so much about other people and their presumed association with the stuff, I may as well explain my own view of it. In all honesty I don't have one. 

I'm just grateful that I don't feel a hold over my confidence from it. I'm grateful that as a young child, my mother never told me that I wasn't allowed to use it or that I was too young for it or anything along those lines. My dad once got me a huge makeup case when I was about 9 years old (he clearly didn't see anything wrong with it!) and it was one of those ones for young girls, with fluorescent pink blush and glitter lip glosses and the rest. I loved it and played dress up for about two weeks solid and then I got bored. I moved onto other interests after that. I never really thought about it until now, but I think the fact that I didn't have input from anyone else about if and when and how I should use it, meant that I formed my own opinion early on. I only ever saw it as a plaything. From then it couldn't define me because it held no interest for me. 

And now, at 22 years old, I do not wear makeup on a day to day basis and I love my complexion and all aspects of my face, because whenever I look in the mirror, I always see the same thing. I think that that is an important point in itself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing makeup on an almost religious basis, as long as you don't forget that that reflection isn't the real deal.

I'm not saying that it's always been easy to love my skin. I certainly have days where I question whether I should resort to making it look more even or brighter or fresher or any number of things that can be done. It doesn't help that society is still wired a certain way.

When I lived with friends at uni, and when I would make new friends, they were always so curious as to why I didn't wear makeup. My idea of getting ready to go out with them meant taking a shower and putting on nicer clothes, whereas for them, it meant an hour in front of a mirror perfecting their faces. I also got roped into it exactly two times in those three years; times where I was begged to let them apply makeup on me and I relented as a bit of fun. But what I found was that it wasn't me. Nothing looked like me anymore. I'll add a photo somewhere here, but take my word for it, that's not what I look like even on my best day. And I don't need to.

My biggest problem was with the foundation. It covers all manner of sins but in the end, when you wipe it away, the imperfections are still there and I found myself disliking them. That day as I washed my face, I noticed the small freckles and the noticeable pores and it bothered me. The thing is I didn't like that it bothered me so the next time I got a request for being made up, I declined with a smile and reminded myself that I'm amazing as is.

In recent years, I think that there has been a move towards embracing ourselves in all aspects, with celebrities and others going out of their way to point out their no makeup selfies, but I think when something has been so ingrained for so long, it can be tough to wholeheartedly embrace it.

What I've noticed is that while it begins as fun, something to add a touch of colour, for the majority it eventually becomes a crutch. I've seen friends and relations alike terrified at the prospect of going about their daily lives without a full face of makeup. They refuse to be seen without it. They feel anxious at the thought and they feel as though it makes them unkempt.

I can understand the latter; I've had my fair share of remarks from well meaning individuals that seem to question how much I value myself. "You really don't like making an effort, do you?" or "surely you could have at least added some *insert product of choice*."

These statements and remarks shouldn't happen but it has become the case that if a women isn't made up, then on some level, she doesn't value herself enough or that she is lazy. I won't lie, I do get much more extra sleep compared to some of my friends but I spend my time taking care of my skin and my nutrition so that I have a good enough base that I can be content with.

This post has run far too long and if you've made it to the end, I commend you! I don't want this post to come across at all like I'm criticising those that wear makeup or promote it. I simply hope that people can be happy enough in their own skin that it becomes fun for them again. So it can be an addition to your face instead of a replacement.

Let me know what you think in the comments! 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #33 - Winter is coming

Dear all,

I'm so excited it's December! The minute the calendar flips, I always feel that little more cosy and safe. I know it's officially astronomically not winter yet, but for me, it is as soon as December arrives.

Winter is absolutely my favourite of all seasons and it's such a festive season at that. The fact that Christmas and New Years tie off the month make it all the more special.

Now I don't celebrate Christmas, but I love the idea. Yes, it may be commercial and more a holiday for marketing teams now but once in the swing of things, it creates such a nice atmosphere. The lights, the food, the indulgence and the chance to celebrate the year are all wrapped up in one. In essence, it's just all so pretty and I am basic enough to indulge in that and be proud of it.

This is the first year since I was about 12 that I've had a truly free holiday season. When you're in school, this was the time for term tests and extra holiday homework or as you get to university, it's the only time you have to study for exams which arrive with the new year. I am going to completely enjoy myself this month as I end the year.

So I thought I'd talk a bit about some of my favourite aspects of winter time is general. I know I'm not alone in my love for this time of year.

The air is beautiful

You know what I'm talking about. On the perfect mid winter's day, the skies will be clear and the air will feel crisp and fresh, and while you shiver, you'll also feel refreshed at the sensation. We've had a few of those days already this year, and as the weather gets even colder, I'm sure we'll have more. It makes a change to rain, and wind and even the humid summer months. I'm not at all a fan of summer, and spring and autumn tend to be too rainy for me. Winter is perfectly at peace.

The lights as they glow

In part because of how early darkness hits us, the lights can be a welcome reprieve as the sun takes its leave (that rhymed haha!). As soon as Halloween has come and gone, the Christmas preparations begin and fill the spaces of darkness with colourful and vibrant displays of light. I look forward to the annual switching on of the lights around town and the displays are beautiful. The absolute best place to witness beautiful displays and lights in my opinion is anywhere in London. There is always such a synchronicity between the store front displays and the street lights everywhere you turn. I think my love of lights and displays is similar to that of most people, but there's something about bright spots of colour dotted around an area that gives it an almost magical quality. It so perfectly complements the early darkness.

Darkness feeds my soul

As I just mentioned, it gets dark very early on in the day, usually around 4pm and alongside this, the sun is also late to rise. That is the part of the day that is my favourite. I'm an early riser most of the time, and by 6am, my eyes will open and I will have to debate whether to get up or to force myself to catch up with whatever dream I was consumed in. In the summer months, there is a busy atmosphere much earlier in the day as the sun usually peeks in through the curtains and people gladly begin their days. However, I hate that busy feeling and I much prefer solitude first time in the morning. I may be an early riser but that does not make me a "morning person". Frankly, I think of morning people as those who jump up with a smile on their face, eager to begin the day with a chat and some socialisation. I, however, much prefer a slow morning. That is the only way I can enjoy a morning properly.

I feel like I'm off on a tangent but basically, I like quiet and alone time when I wake and the winter grants that to me. I can get up at 6am, slowly become alert, and have a leisurely breakfast while other either sleep or get up with a grumble. Either way, they're not in the mood to bother me and I love that.

I also feel more productive like that, as thought I've beaten the sun to the finish line! See, I told you the darkness feeds my soul.

Excuse for sweet treats

There is a smell and a taste to winter and I think that might be my most favourite part of all. It's the season of warming soups, and hearty comfort meals; both of which I highly approve of indulging in. But it's also a time of celebration and as such, sweeties are called for. As someone who loves to bake, Christmas time is my go to for that. I become inspired and caught up in the smell of spices and fruit and it makes me more likely to bake. Cinnamon is the best smell to ever have in a kitchen and it's such a winter flavour that I can go a bit overboard with it.

As it's the season of giving, I can gift a lot of what I bake and that makes it all the more sweet when I do indulge in my treats for myself.

What inspires you in the winter and do you have a favourite month or season?

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #32 - Being a moody brat with a love of food

To anyone contemplating a healthier lifestyle,

So, firstly I know it's been a few weeks but I'm going to get back into the swing of things soon. I love December so I'll be much more active then. As for this post, I have to start by apologising to everyone who knows me and then I have a confession. I am a whiny little brat when someone tells me what to do. It's not the best trait, but it's one I've exhibited quite a lot this past month or so. 

I've had to have a couple of trips to the doctors recently, and as such, I was told that being stricter with my diet was compulsory for me. Now, the operative words here: "I was told". And whenever that happens, I naturally want to rebel. I know, it's pathetic but it is what it is!

It's not that I was particularly unhealthy or anything, but in order to keep certain things at bay, I had to be careful of what I was putting into my body and after a year of tolerating those symptoms, I knew I had to listen and alter my lifestyle but I also knew that it was my body and ultimately I wanted it to be my choice.

Anyone who knows me jokes that I'm as thin as a branch and that I eat as much as a baby would but they also know that I love food. The more indulgent, the better. Anything potato based, anything fried and flavourful, and anything sweet. I have the biggest sweet tooth and for that reason alone, I was not okay with this.

Now, I'm not prideful enough to ignore what I knew my body needed but I am whiny enough that I was sure as hell going to make a fuss while I did it. If you need an image of the extent of my complaints, think of moaning Myrtle and you'll be pretty close to how annoying I was being.

My poor mum has to deal with the brunt of it as she would feel so bad when I would mope around eating veggies and she knew all I was craving was some roast potatoes and red meat. She's been so helpful in motivating me to keep up with this whole clean eating thing.

Photo credit: Sanaa Sheikh

I think that's a big part of why so many people try and then struggle to keep up with a sustained diet of healthy eating. That motivation is key. As it's nearly the end of the year, I know a lot of people will try to get back into good habits for the new year and I honestly think that if you can partner up with a loved one or a room mate or friend - anyone who can hold you accountable - you'll be so much more likely to follow through with it. 

It's been a month now, of clean eating and it has been really difficult but it's always been an aim at the back of my mind. I wanted to be healthy and in the end, no matter how that's come about, I've at least achieved that for now. It really is true that a habit can be formed in 30 days (if you can stick it out that long!)

One of the more difficult parts about all of this was how severely I had to cut back on carbs, and I mean, seriously cut back. I used to have potatoes of some kind with practically every meal, and white bread was heavenly to me. Both of those are now strictly on the "do not eat" list and that still makes me really sad. But I survived. I substituted. Sweet potato and oats have been my new saviours. I'll see how long that love lasts though.

Another truly hard task was avoiding sweet baked goods. I love to bake and when you bake, you have to try your food; it's just a rule of life. But since I have to be careful with refined sugar, I've started looking into healthier alternatives and honestly, they don't taste the same. Coconut oil will never give the same richness as butter. I suppose here, moderation will be my best friend. I refuse to eat sub par desserts.

As a response to this lifestyle change, I've realised exactly how important self care really is. Over this month, I've gone from mopey and lethargic, sleeping all the time to being much happier than I have been in a very long time.

I remember starting this blog to promote positivity and thoughtfulness, especially towards ourselves and it's only now that I realise, that that is more than just a mind set, it's got to be a way of life in order to work well.

Due to this, I'm going to try to put up posts every Sunday, as part of a self care series. They will be posts about kindness, health, positive lifestyle choices and anything else I think of. Let's call it Self-care Sunday. 

Have any of you had similar struggles and how did you see it through?

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #31 - Gratitude shouldn't be this hard

Dear readers,

I haven't written in a while, I know, but it felt like the world was starting to fall apart and it felt frivolous to just write my thoughts and expect anyone to even want to read them. This isn't a place for me to talk politics or economics and so I won't. But I just think that the state of the world will always be in trouble, if we go by what history reminds us, but it can always be salvaged by individuals so be those individuals. *political aside done*

Anyway, it's thanksgiving weekend in America. That's not very relevant to me given that I'm in the UK and all I know of thanksgiving comes from episodes of the event that I watched on Friends. But even without knowing much about the history of the day, the word alone evokes a warming sentiment. I like that fact.

It is a day to give thanks and I don't think there is a better activity to spend the day on. We may not celebrate the even here, but I want to celebrate what I feel to be the essence of the day by being grateful.

We're always so busy and jumping from one thought to another without much time to actually think. We want things done quickly so we can move on to the next task. We want what we want as and when we want it. All of that wanting can begin to take over if it isn't reigned in with some perspective.

When you live in an age of ease and speed, it can be easy to complain when we don't get what we want. We complain at the slow wifi, or the traffic jam slowing us down, or the time it takes between ordering a coffee and then receiving it. We're a generation of complainers now. I'm mostly talking about myself here but I'm sure others do it too.

We're never just grateful for having wifi at all, for having a car for transport, for having the luxury of buying a coffee every day. It's those small privileges that we forget about when we're so caught up in our own self-importance. I know that I whine the moment an Amazon delivery doesn't arrive on time or when I'm in an area where I can only get 3G mobile data, over 4G. It's pathetic really and it's embarrassing to say out loud because then I have to actually think about it.

If we spent those moments when we're beginning to complain, actually thinking about what we are complaining about, we would see all that we have to be grateful for instead. Gratitude is difficult. Sometimes we all just want to feel sorry for ourselves and say "woe is me"; it feels good at the time to indulge ourselves. But what does it actually get us? How can we grow by doing so? Simple answer: we can't.

So why waste our time doing it? If we're all for speed and efficiency, why should we waste precious moments being ungrateful about the small things?

I've been thinking about this all week now, and I think that I've reached a solution that I can be happy with. I'm going to start trying to be more aware of my thoughts so that I can stop them in their tracks.

If I start to whine, I'll twist it on its head and see if it's really something that needs moping about. If I start to complain that the house is too cold this winter, I'll remind myself that I have a home and that I can layer on an extra jumper. 

It might sound like I'm taking this too far and trying to be too "good", and maybe I am. Of course you can complain if you want to. The important part is that I personally don't want to. If the twenties are the time when good habits should be made, then this is definitely one that I am happy to develop.

The world tries so hard to shove change down our throats and to get us to want to be something that we're not. We end up coveting something that never even occurred to us before it was made popular. That's a post for another day though!

For now, I just want to try to be a little more mindful with my thoughts. So at the end of every month, I'm going to start a short round up of things that I am thankful for.

For this month, I'm thankful for:

my thoughts: I appreciate the ability to have a voice and opinion of my own and that I have never had to suppress or hide it.

my blog: I love that I have the opportunity to get my voice out there and say whatever I please and cultivate a project that I can look back on.

chocolate: specifically dark chocolate! I'm thankful that it is technically good for me. I love the fact that while my recent dietary requirements have cut out a lot of foods that I loved, I am at least still left with chocolate.

That's enough rambling from me for today! Let me know what you're thankful for in the comments! We should all have something that we can stop and appreciate today and every other day.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #30 - Instant gratification is so frustrating!

Dear readers,

I stumbled upon a realisation recently and it made me so incredibly sad that I had to write about it. I realised that I hadn't read an actual book, aside from university material, for well over a year. I'll give you a moment to let that sink in and then you can absolutely judge me for it. I'm totally judging myself right now. A year! That's a really long time.

It's not even as though I didn't think about reading. I bought at least 9 new books in that time; I just never read them. They sit on a bookcase right now gathering dust. And I am so saddened by that fact.

I couldn't figure it out at first, but then I did. I had replaced reading with watching. I had replaced books with Netflix. And it wasn't even a conscious decision. One day I just came to prefer the act of mindlessly watching a screen.

Now I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that but it's very unlike me so it got me thinking about why. Why did I suddenly lose interest in books?

I remember when it first became a "hobby" if you can even call it that. I was at university and I had time on my hands but I also had research to read and a dissertation to write and suddenly reading some more wasn't really a priority. I was reading because I had to, it was part of my degree.

It also became an excuse for being "social". Everyone who knows me, knows that I'm an introvert in every way possible. People exhaust me when it's a case of socialising for leisure. If I have to interact for work or because it is necessary for some reason then I'm fine with it, but interacting for my own benefit is not something I always enjoy. I keep a very small circle of friends and all of my friend are close friends. I don't have the energy for acquaintances. But I also don't want to avoid my friends and in an environment like university where you see the same people day after day, you almost have to social or risk isolating yourself.

So Netflix became my saving grace. We could get together in groups and debate what to watch. It would be social but for the most part, I could sit and watch a movie or start a TV series and it could still count as a activity. And then I would head back to my room, exhausted from my efforts and focus on work again. Reading never came up as an option.

I love stories as I have stated so many times previously. Watching television shows is in essence similar to reading a book in this respect. There is an overreaching interest in the story being told and as such, I got my fix of storytelling. But it made me impatient.

I think that the way in which we live nowadays has conditioned us for instant gratification. Whatever we want, we can do or receive right now. If I want to order a product, amazon prime will get it to be bright and early tomorrow. If I want to figure out how to play Quidditch, I can find a YouTube tutorial or google it and find multiple shortcuts and hack that will make it quicker and easier to understand. Everything you could want is at the tap of a button. It's made us lazy. Sure, it's convenient when it comes to finding answers and yes, it is a useful tool that is helping the world to progress. But it does make us lazy, or at least me.

The same goes for my relationship with storytelling. It used to be that I would read a book and immerse myself in the intricacies of the story. I'm not the fastest reader so it would take a few days to finish most books. I would have to wait to find out the answers I craved. With the option of Netflix or other streaming services, I don't have to wait. I can binge watch an entire season of a show and I don't have to wait to find out what happens next. It's satisfying to know that I can get through so many more stories in the same time frame as one book.

With that however, comes this lack of interest. I have recently found myself scrolling through Instagram or checking my messages while "watching". I'm not invested in the stories enough to even put down my phone and that is when I know it's a problem.

For me, stories are important and I like to think I learn from them. The well written ones, be they books or screen based, draw you in and don't let you go. But you have to let them. So I'm going to start to let them. 

I'm going to set out times where I have to read even if it takes longer to figure out the story, and to know the characters. I'm not going to skip ahead of pages or skim. I'm going to take in every word and every sentence. I'm going to get interested again and then maybe, I can get back into my favourite tv shows without getting lazy in return.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z