Letter #30 - Instant gratification is so frustrating!

Dear readers,

I stumbled upon a realisation recently and it made me so incredibly sad that I had to write about it. I realised that I hadn't read an actual book, aside from university material, for well over a year. I'll give you a moment to let that sink in and then you can absolutely judge me for it. I'm totally judging myself right now. A year! That's a really long time.

It's not even as though I didn't think about reading. I bought at least 9 new books in that time; I just never read them. They sit on a bookcase right now gathering dust. And I am so saddened by that fact.

I couldn't figure it out at first, but then I did. I had replaced reading with watching. I had replaced books with Netflix. And it wasn't even a conscious decision. One day I just came to prefer the act of mindlessly watching a screen.

Now I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that but it's very unlike me so it got me thinking about why. Why did I suddenly lose interest in books?

I remember when it first became a "hobby" if you can even call it that. I was at university and I had time on my hands but I also had research to read and a dissertation to write and suddenly reading some more wasn't really a priority. I was reading because I had to, it was part of my degree.

It also became an excuse for being "social". Everyone who knows me, knows that I'm an introvert in every way possible. People exhaust me when it's a case of socialising for leisure. If I have to interact for work or because it is necessary for some reason then I'm fine with it, but interacting for my own benefit is not something I always enjoy. I keep a very small circle of friends and all of my friend are close friends. I don't have the energy for acquaintances. But I also don't want to avoid my friends and in an environment like university where you see the same people day after day, you almost have to social or risk isolating yourself.

So Netflix became my saving grace. We could get together in groups and debate what to watch. It would be social but for the most part, I could sit and watch a movie or start a TV series and it could still count as a activity. And then I would head back to my room, exhausted from my efforts and focus on work again. Reading never came up as an option.

I love stories as I have stated so many times previously. Watching television shows is in essence similar to reading a book in this respect. There is an overreaching interest in the story being told and as such, I got my fix of storytelling. But it made me impatient.

I think that the way in which we live nowadays has conditioned us for instant gratification. Whatever we want, we can do or receive right now. If I want to order a product, amazon prime will get it to be bright and early tomorrow. If I want to figure out how to play Quidditch, I can find a YouTube tutorial or google it and find multiple shortcuts and hack that will make it quicker and easier to understand. Everything you could want is at the tap of a button. It's made us lazy. Sure, it's convenient when it comes to finding answers and yes, it is a useful tool that is helping the world to progress. But it does make us lazy, or at least me.

The same goes for my relationship with storytelling. It used to be that I would read a book and immerse myself in the intricacies of the story. I'm not the fastest reader so it would take a few days to finish most books. I would have to wait to find out the answers I craved. With the option of Netflix or other streaming services, I don't have to wait. I can binge watch an entire season of a show and I don't have to wait to find out what happens next. It's satisfying to know that I can get through so many more stories in the same time frame as one book.

With that however, comes this lack of interest. I have recently found myself scrolling through Instagram or checking my messages while "watching". I'm not invested in the stories enough to even put down my phone and that is when I know it's a problem.

For me, stories are important and I like to think I learn from them. The well written ones, be they books or screen based, draw you in and don't let you go. But you have to let them. So I'm going to start to let them. 

I'm going to set out times where I have to read even if it takes longer to figure out the story, and to know the characters. I'm not going to skip ahead of pages or skim. I'm going to take in every word and every sentence. I'm going to get interested again and then maybe, I can get back into my favourite tv shows without getting lazy in return.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z