Letter #42 - Believing in your Potential

To anyone struggling with believing in themselves,

Over the last year, I’ve had to work hard at not underestimating myself, because if I had, there are a number of things that wouldn’t have happened. But getting to that point of truly believing that I had the potential, to do the things I wanted, was really really difficult.

I feel like maybe it’s a part of being British, but self-deprecation is like a finely honed skill for us. We minimise our abilities or our talents in a rather dismissive way and this is an act that, while seemingly harmless, over time can end up seeping in and being believed.

For all the times, I would jokingly dismiss something that was pretty great about myself, I would end up genuinely thinking that in the end. Maybe not completely but to enough of an extent that it gave my confidence a direct knock on the head. 

If you have enough of those knocks, then what is there left to believe in? If we can’t be our own loudest cheerleaders, then how can we even trust when others try to help us I’m realising it?

So all of those little niggling questions made me think about how I was thinking about my own potential. I was only ever half-way believing that I could do things. When that’s the case, how could I ever actively do enough to fulfil the full amount of my potential?

Don't put yourself down

I found that I had to shut down that voice in my head that would tell me to dismiss or scoff at compliments about myself. This was really hard. I’m the first one to say “oh but it’s only...”, by way of negating whatever has been tossed my way. Words like “only” and “just” are like negative qualifiers that I hadn’t noticed I used so often. But once I took note, I got gradually get a handle on it.

List everything
The next thing that was the major contributor to genuinely believing in myself was listing it. I love lists, they’re the perfect way of organising chaos and chaotic, brain dump lists are my favourite. I literally sat down and wrote down all the things that I thought I was good at. I didn’t consult with anyone else. This was solely about me and what I believed about myself. I wrote and wrote and wrote until I was satisfied that I had covered enough. Then I took a photo of the list and saved it as my phone’s lock screen photo. This was a great way to remind myself of the things that I could do, when I would falter or face a setback. It was nice to have something to look at and remember that before that setback, this is what I saw in myself. And that what I saw was pretty great! 

Ask someone else
If that doesn’t help as much as it could, then my final go-to was to ask someone I trusted whether they thought I could do it. I found that for me, it was going to my mum; she would give me tough love and I would be confident that whatever she was saying was from a place of love but also a place of responsibility, so as not to give me false hope. My mum is the first person to tell me when I’m absolutely rubbish at something. But she’s also the first to sing my praises.

So if all else fails, find someone who will give you a kind but truthful answer as to your potential. If it’s about something work-related, maybe a colleague would be best. If it’s about your personal development, I found friends and family to be better at knowing me.

So if you’re reading this and feeling a bit off about yourself and your potential to do or be anything you want, break it down and do these three things and I hope that they help. If nothing else, list the things you’re capable of. I’m sure the list will be longer than you think.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z