Letter #13 - Talent should be celebrated.

To anyone and everyone out there,

With A level results day having just passed here in the UK, I spent the days leading up to it in an uncomfortable trance of nervousness. I got my own results back in summer 2012 but the memories of the stress and disheartened feeling remain to this day. I didn't get the grades that I needed for the career that I wanted to pursue but more so than that, I didn't feel good enough. For anything.

I spent the year after that event, in a bit of a daze, writing and spending time with my family; it was an avoidance tactic in which I hid from the big bad world. The world that I wasn't good enough for. And frankly, it sucked. 

By being in that mind set at the time, I ended up associating my writing and my novels with sadness, and eventually they didn't feel good enough to me. I could always work harder, do better, write more and all that pushing for more led to less and less actually being achieved.

When I got to university the year after that, I hadn't really gotten over that feeling but I had to hide it away; it isn't exactly the most entertaining topic to bring up. And in doing so, I almost forgot about it. 

I would hole away in my room, and read... Not material for my classes but fantasy novels, romance novels, anything to take my mind off of work. And then when I had to work, I did so in extreme cramming sessions so that I didn't have the time to entertain thoughts of failing or not being good enough. 

Those would come after the fact. And with each assignment, and each exam, all of which I achieved over 70%, I was angry at myself rather than happy at my grade. I was that bitch that whines about not getting 100% when there are others around me who were struggling to even pass the course. Yes, I was that girl and I'm not proud of it.

But I've found that while I am that harsh on myself, I love it when people around me are doing well. I know as humans, we have the natural tendency to compete and to pit ourselves against one another but I've never really felt that way about others in my life. When my friends do well, when they achieve their goals, I hold nothing but immense pride for them.

It got me thinking about talent. That people are so talented. We, as human beings, are so creative and resourceful and I believe that everyone has a talent, no matter how small they may think it to be. A friend of mine sings and records covers as well as writing his own material to put up on YouTube and I marvel at the creativity and hard work that goes into that. And again, I am nothing but proud. 

My best friend, on the other hand, seems to think that she doesn't do much, but believe me when I say that her talents lie in the fact that she can do everything, literally everything! She's the kind of person that only has to try something new once before she is an all around pro at it. She tried her hand at henna designs recently and they are fantastic for someone who has only tried twice in her life. And on top of that, she is an absolute genius, studying to be a doctor. 

I think it's these little things, the things that people don't necessarily notice in themselves that others are usually in awe of. It's the talents that others overlook in themselves that are important and I love pointing them out to people. 

I think it's the kindest thing to do, celebrate your loved ones and their abilities on such an innate level that it hopefully makes them feel great about themselves. When we feel that good, even over something small, it builds up our confidence and that self-doubt, that niggling voice telling us we aren't good enough, gets locked away for another day more.

Self doubt may make us stronger, and make us work harder, but in the long run, when you are sitting there in the silent moments, it can be an awful thing to be feeling and I feel like anything that shuns that negativity is worth it.

So embrace your talents, whatever they may be and be proud of them too! It's the accumulation of all those little pockets of personality that make us who we are and at the end of the day, we are all good enough!

This post may have started off as a bit of a ramble but I hope that if you're reading this, you can spend a bit of time, maybe just half an hour this evening, acknowledging your talents, be they organisation, or being an epic party planner, or simply having pretty handwriting :p Be proud of it all and go and tell a friend, a family member, anyone, what it is about them that you find absolutely amazing. Not something superficial but a talent that they hold or a skill that they have mastered. 

Basically, just be in awe of those around you and I can guarantee that you will instantly build them up and build yourself up in the process.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #12 - Moving past it

Dear readers,

This post is really for those who've ever felt listless in a way in which they can't really explain. Like nothing makes sense, like nothing can be achieved by them. They feel stuck and lost. 

Over the past few months, I've been battling with that feeling a lot and each time I have tried to erase it. To stop feeling it all together. But I don't think that that has been the correct way of dealing with it. That's why I felt compelled to write about it.

Listlessness is a feeling I've always struggled to define. I've never really explained it to people, feeling that they wouldn't understand the vagueness of the feeling. Since I'm typing this on my iPhone at this moment, I used Apple dictionary to help me with this task. Listless - "(of a person or their manner) lacking energy or enthusiasm".

That may be the definition in relation to the adjective but I think inside a person it becomes more than that. For me, it's almost trapping, suffocating the enthusiasm and passion that I hold in a way in which I'm aware that it's happening but I can't snap out of it. Usually in my case, I find this feeling manifesting itself when I've been extremely driven by an idea or inspired to do or create something. It's usually something new that I want to try and then all of a sudden, I'm stuck. In a word - frustrating!

I can't muster the excitement that I held moments before to actually carry out whatever idea I had. I have a notebook full of potential projects as well as a dissertation to plan for and yet I can't do anything right now. I know it sounds more like I'm creatively blocked but to anyone who has felt that listlessness, you'll understand that it's more than that. You're almost trapped in your own head.

In having this feeling on and off for as long as I can remember, I've realised that forcing it to go away is wasted energy. I feel like this today but hopefully by not focusing on it so much, I might just feel more energetic about everything tomorrow. 

I'm a firm believer in "everyday is a new day to try again" and in this case, I am letting the frustration go. I'm going to try to control less. I'm going to let things be. I'm going to try in whatever way I can.

I think that's all I really have to say about it. That it's an emotion just like any other, sadness, happiness, anger; you have to accept it and let it run its course so that you're free to feel something different.

I think emotions are too important to ignore. There's always a reason for them.  And when it comes to that demotivating feeling that I get, all it does is make me appreciate the days that I don't feel like that even more. And that is never going to be a bad thing in my books!

That's all from me for today. Let me know how you guys deal with frustrating emotions.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z