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Wednesday 28 October 2015

Letter #20 - Appearing polished and perfect

Dear readers,

When I was 12, I saw the most amazingly pretty movie, with pretty people and pretty places and pretty shoes and I was instantly in love. That movie was 'The Devil wears Prada' and it is a fantastic film for a number of reasons but that opening sequence of perfection is something I still go back and watch when I need a pick me up. (apologies in advance for the poor quality of the clip I managed to find. It certainly wasn't polished or perfect!)

I've never been the most materialistic person, never really been one to buy in excess of things I need, even as a child. But I always have the time to appreciate beautiful things. I've heard people say that they are exactly that, just things; they hold no purpose other than to be and so they are unnecessary. But I don't think they could be any more wrong. Those things, those objects to own, can aid our own confidence and act as inspiration in our day to day lives. Wearing that dress, that pair of heels, that necklace... They all add up to make us stand a little taller and walk a little further with a smile on our face. 

Now I'm not saying that those things are an absolute. We don't need them and if we're feeling slightly down in the dumps, they won't always be the pick me up that we need. But sometimes it's the little things that make the difference.

For me, at least, I love this idea I have in my mind of being absolutely polished and not frazzled as I go about my day so that is always what I aim for. I very very rarely get there but I feel good when I aim for it. I don't necessarily have to achieve it; it's just nice to know that it's there and it's manageable for some people.

Polished can mean a range of things to a range of people. It might simply mean following basic daily hygiene rules, or it may mean looking like you walked straight off the runway. Whichever end of the spectrum you fit, or anywhere in between, I think it's always nice to make the effort. If you can and if that's what you want. You don't have to, by any means. I mean, I love love love my pyjama days and don't actually know how I will be able to dress myself once university ends.

Lounge wear chic may forever be my dressing style and I wouldn't mind one bit. But even before being exposed to this superficial world of things, it was my mother who instilled in me the need to be presentable. 

With her always being quite a private person, she used to pride herself on the fact that no matter how bad her day may have been going,  she could slick on a layer of burgundy lipstick and her green eyeliner, a combination that to this day I think only she can pull off! And she would be ready. Ready to face the world and to plaster a smile to her face. I really admired that in her and I find some days, when she no longer cares, that I have to remind her of her philosophy and I can proudly say, it lifts her spirits a lot. 

What I've, sadly, noticed however is that to some people, taking pride in your appearance or in being pretty is something to mock. As if, someone can't be both pretty and intelligent; the concept still baffles me and and I have to say I don't quite understand it. I think it's funny that we can be judged upon the way we look whether we take pride in our appearance or don't. It can be a lose lose situation.

I know that to some, it can seem frivolous and unnecessary but to other, it's a routine. It's familiar and it's comforting and why should they be judged for making a little extra effort? It makes me sad for people, that they can be so close minded. 

Personally I love it all. The time and effort that some will put into their appearance and in being primped and polished. But at the same time, I have come to the realisation of just how apt "everything in moderation" is. 

I found that being too focused on how I look, ends up reflecting on how I feel. While I can curb it in, I have known people who couldn't. It starts out as a fun hobby and turns into the focus of their day. If they aren't dressed as well as they hope to be, or didn't have enough time for their usual routine, it's like a dark cloud hanging over their whole day. And that's when I think it just gets sad. Anything that sucks the joy out of something once enjoyable is a bad seed in my book!

So if that sounds like you, take a break, step back and break away from your routine for a day, a week, just however long it takes. Hopefully you can go back into things with fresh eyes.

Okay, well a pretty average post has turned quite deep so I think that's my cue. Ultimately focus on what you want and need in life. A change can be good as can routine and familiarity. And remember, primping and perfecting your outer self can lead to a calm in your inner being and if that's what you need, go for it. 

I think I'll take my own advice and change things up, maybe even give the pyjamas a rest for a little while...maybe not!

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z


Monday 26 October 2015

Letter #19- Male role models

Dear readers,

This is a subject very close to my heart for so many reasons but mostly because I've seen both sides of it played out. I think having good male role models in our lives is especially important for women, as much as or even more so than men sometimes. That's a bold statement but bare with me while I gather my thoughts.

I'm sorry in advance if this makes little to no sense, but I'm a bit flustered even as I write this. It's a subject that does make me quite sad when I think about it for a prolonged period of time.

Most people will have their first male encounter or relationship with their father/grandfather/brother and so on.

I think that both sides of the coin have their benefits. I'm able to say that I've experienced those extremes. I have known men who have been good and wholesome and respectful and I've also witnessed the other side of that spectrum.  Those men who aren't all that good; they are short tempered, and aggressive or just plain horrible.

I've always had a difficult time understanding this trait in people. The bad side that we all possess. I could never understand how to relate that to the whole person, someone who can be good and kind when they aren't under pressure but then turn into the hulk when they were having a bad day. I'm sad to say that I possess that anger myself and I try really really hard to keep it under locks and be patient even when I don't really want to.

I feel like women who have had only wholesome, kind-hearted men in their lives - the sort who speak softly, who are kind and patient and well mannered - have the benefit of knowing the kind of man that they should surround themselves with later in life. These women find the good guys and they recognise the goodness in people. 

This does have its downfall however, as I've found that they can have an underlying naivety about people, due to never having experienced the bad. They can sometimes take what people tell them at face value and then find later down the line, that not everything is as it seems. They imagine the life that they have witnessed their parents to have and aim for it, sometimes with positive consequences and sometimes not so much. 

At the other end of the spectrum, you have the girls who witnessed the harsher realities. They saw their mothers going through something difficult or saw their uncles/brothers/relatives mistreating people, being harsh and angry more often than not and they hold onto that with dear life. That anger that began to grow in them, it isn't something that can be easily let go of and for that reason, they keep everyone at arms length, even if they don't see it like that. They know what they don't want to surround themselves with but they also know that people lie - men can lie - and they can hurt you if you let them. So they promise themselves that they will never let another have that much power over them. It lends itself to a lonelier but far more in control life. 

I don't really know where I'm going with this and if I do publish this, it will be raw and unedited because that's what I feel it needs. I want women to realise both ends of the spectrum, to be realistic but also open to life. Not with their head in the clouds and their heart solely steering but not with their heart locked away and only logic persevering. I feel that we, as women, should find that balance in order to create and curate our best possible lives.

If we think less in terms of the men we want to steer towards or avoid, and more about what influences we need in our lives, both men and women, we can have it all. And yes, I hear my own naivety there! 

It just seems to me that things are always more complex when you scratch beneath the surface. But sometimes that complexity is what we need to sift through in order to grow and learn about ourselves and the others in our lives. 

For me at least, I need to analyse people, especially their motives and reasoning about why they live their lives the way that they do. It allows me some comfort; the knowledge that I can try to understand people and the changes and growth we all go through. 

But ultimately, girls, be the leader in your own lives. Don't disregard those in your life but don't feel the need to change for them either. Just be you and be the best version of you that you can be. And if you think you're not there yet, work like hell to get there. I promise the journey and the destination will reap its own rewards.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z




Friday 23 October 2015

Letter #18 - Movie Magic - 1

Dear readers,

For me, movies are the next best thing after books and television... Okay, that makes it sound like my least favourite thing, but it's totally not! I just like stories; any story telling medium is it for me, expect for poems. I can like a good poem but they take some getting used to.

So I'm creating another blog series of posts where I can ramble and rave about what I've been watching and loving. It might not always be a movie, but I liked how 'movie magic' sounded as a name.

I have a raving review for a movie that I went to see on Sunday with a friend. It was a very last minute decision and that alone made it a good night. I love spontaneous plans; I think they always make for the best 'remember when' stories. We were going for dessert beforehand and the service was slow so we were a bit rebellious about it. We ordered to take away and then snuck it into the cinema.

*as a responsible adult, I'm not condoning this, even if the cinema snack prices are extortionate! But no desserts in the cinema guys*

It was the last viewing of the night so when we went in, it was as if we had the whole room to ourselves. That and hot desserts made for an amazingly peaceful night.

Anyway that's enough rambling about screenings! As the title suggests, we went to watch the intern. And if you are going to watch just one film for the whole year, it should be this one.

It's a comedy starring Robert de Niro as a retired company man who finds himself in an internship scheme with the company that Anne Hathaway's character, Jules, runs. It's s straight up comedy as well, which was all the more refreshing. Usually you see light comedies with more romance than storyline or some typical recycled slapstick routine, but this was lovely. 

It's a hopeful story and I came away from it with a renewed sense of motivation for work and family and life. I think it would be something you could watch with all the family or certainly at least those in their late teens to twenties could watch with their parents as both the older and younger generation are shown to merge so gracefully.

I knew that I wanted to watch this as soon as I saw the trailer but what totally hooked me was that Nancy Meyers wrote it! I love love love her work. It's complicated and What Women Want, were films that I really enjoyed watching mostly with my mum.

I've always been an old soul, or so I'm told, and I feel like I enjoy stories with those of all ages and walks of life, not just my own and her films certainly fall into the all ages category. I like relating to others and figuring out their lives.

It was definitely an inspiring movie. It ended at 1am but we were pumped to do something so I came straight home and typed this out. I'm sure I'll be off to watch it again soon enough, maybe dragging my mum along this time.

I'm smiling even as I write this; it was an inspiring film to say the least. And Anne Hathaway's wardrobe choices were so pretty and sassy, I want them all! It was a sort of Girlboss inspired moment and coincided with me actually reading the book, which is a topic of another blog post entirely.

I'm so motivated now to just do and create and I think that this feeling could not have come at a better time! I needed the push; who knew it would come from a movie!

If anyone has any recommendations for films or TV shows, let me know in the comments. I think next time, I might have to rave about one of my favourite television series instead.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z


Wednesday 21 October 2015

Letter #17 - Insecurities are a funny battle

Dear readers,

Insecurities are a funny thing, as the title suggests but they're the awful side of funny. They make people seem twisted and insensitive and self absorbed when they highlight their insecurities. It's almost as if it's assumed that they should know better, and they're just being silly, except that when it's our turn, we want our concerns to be acknowledged.

I feel like that's just human nature and while that's not really an excuse, it is used as one. That we're just not understanding. But sometimes I think it's more that we're not trying to understand; we just don't want to.

I deal with my fair share of not feeling good enough or like I'm not on the same level as other people. For that reason, I love to praise people and give them compliments; I try to do so to at least one person in my life every day.

But I think it can then be disheartening when you are constantly feeling like everyone else is in this amazing place and you're not as accomplished or as capable or as well liked and it can all add up until you have an outburst. Outburst seems too harsh a word but just releasing those feeling and talking to someone when they ask if anything is wrong or they notice a change in you can be both a blessing and curse, I feel. They ask. But then they dismiss and put it down to your irrationality of the situation. And I think that that hurts the most.

Because we all know on some level that we're being irrational and these insecurities are tricking us into feeling bad when we have a lot to be grateful for, but in those moments, all you really want is support. You want someone to listen and let you get it out without holding it against you. They have to have felt something similar at some point. I can guarantee you they have.


I think at times we don't even feel insecure or unsure of ourselves until a situation or a phrase triggers it. Something will click in your head and you'll feel a little bit worse than you did the moment before.

While I'm always the first to encourage that you talk your feelings out, I've found that if there isn't someone around to talk to (or at least someone who would understand), the next best thing is a scrap of paper. Not a pretty pristine notebook, but a sad little leftover. You write down the bad thing, the sad feeling, and then you screw it up and you throw it away.

It might sound weird but I've found it to personally work for me. Just the act of throwing the thought away, does make me feel calmer, as strange as that may be. It may just be the placebo effect, but it does the trick. 

I don't really know where I'm going with this as with most of my posts, it seems! But I do want to just highlight, that if you do ever feel any kind of an insecurity, I promise that it isn't just you. Others will feel the same about a situation or a person or just their general being; the difference is that they maybe haven't voiced those feelings.

Don't ever feel bad for feeling what you feel. It will pass and you will go back to your positivity and happy thoughts again. We are all so much more than the negative. We're complex, developed individuals who have the insight of independent thought and with that, the ideal that we can't always just see the two-dimensional happy side of life.

So you there, you can be sad. For about a half an hour. And then you pick yourself up and you move forward from whatever it is that you feel you aren't good enough for and you make yourself good enough.

I don't really know if this is going to help anyone or if it's just my nonsensical rambling once more. But I shall hope for the best that it did help and have a great week everyone! 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Tuesday 13 October 2015

Letter #16 - Monthly Moves - October

Dear readers,

The whole point of this blog was accountability. It was going to be my place to write where I had to write regularly and find the need to write again. And so far it has been. I don't upload too often but when I do, so far I have been proud of keeping to it and writing something worthwhile.

This is my next step in that accountability. This new series of posts called "monthly moves" will come about once a month to give myself new goals to keep to. It was partly inspired by the "monthly favourites" tag that is a regular feature for many bloggers and vloggers alike. 

I'll keep an update of the goals that I did keep and those that I struggled with. Every month I'm going to set myself a list of goals that I need to complete to some extent by the end of the month or whatever other time frame I set for myself.


So here is my list:
- sort out my dissertation research and begin to carry it out -- by the end of November
- read at least one fictional book for leisure -- by the end of November
- write a chapter for my novel -- one every week, ongoing
- write more blog posts -- at least 2 every month, ongoing
- keep up with organisation of lectures -- every weekend

So it's not too much of a substantial list, which I think is a good thing given how much I struggle to keep to lists and plans. I do like the idea of organisation, just not the practice of that ideal.

Anyway, let me know if any of you have any goals that you want to achieve this month and how those are going for you!

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Saturday 3 October 2015

Letter #15 - Happy Anniversary

Dear readers,

This post was planned to be uploaded on the anniversary of having this blog for one whole year and actively posting to it but as all things with me, I'm a bit late haha. It's about a year and 12 days to be precise!

I just really wanted to write to say that I've got a hell of a long way to go yet if I'm to live up to the name of this blog. I'm taking the "thousand letters" aspect of this very literally in order to bring some extra much needed structure to my life. But almost in contradiction to that, I also want to acknowledge that I am proud of myself for managing to keep this going for a year. I honestly didn't think I'd last a month.

I've learnt a lot about myself in this time too.

- I'm not a quitter, even if I don't do something at the exact time that I say I will. Eventually I get around to it and I do the best that I can
- I can focus a lot more than I give myself credit for.
- the hum of a moving vehicle is a great soundtrack to write to.
- I want to write more, I crave it now
- I want this blog to be successful, even if that means that just one person gains something from what I've written or feels even the tiniest bit of comfort or understanding from the words I'm typing out from my head to this screen. 

I'm also hugely excited and terrified from what this next year will bring. I have a dissertation to work on, and a degree to complete. I'm hoping that I won't entirely lose my mind in that time! Here's to hoping!

I always put a lot of pressure on myself to do better and work harder and I think I'll be holding myself to that more so this year than I ever have done. But I feel like I'm ready for it. I'm ready to work and learn and grow as a person. I'm also ready to put more into this blog and to create something good and worthwhile out of a simple hobby.

And this next part is very irrational and silly but sometimes silly is the best thing to be! This is letter number 15 and that alone seems like a good omen. All multiples of 5 are my favourite numbers - yes, I know! A favourite should be one but these are the favourites of an indecisive commitment-phobe.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say really. I just wanted to acknowledge this small milestone in the only way I know how, by putting pen to paper or rather fingers to keyboard! 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z