Letter #13 - Talent should be celebrated.

To anyone and everyone out there,

With A level results day having just passed here in the UK, I spent the days leading up to it in an uncomfortable trance of nervousness. I got my own results back in summer 2012 but the memories of the stress and disheartened feeling remain to this day. I didn't get the grades that I needed for the career that I wanted to pursue but more so than that, I didn't feel good enough. For anything.

I spent the year after that event, in a bit of a daze, writing and spending time with my family; it was an avoidance tactic in which I hid from the big bad world. The world that I wasn't good enough for. And frankly, it sucked. 

By being in that mind set at the time, I ended up associating my writing and my novels with sadness, and eventually they didn't feel good enough to me. I could always work harder, do better, write more and all that pushing for more led to less and less actually being achieved.

When I got to university the year after that, I hadn't really gotten over that feeling but I had to hide it away; it isn't exactly the most entertaining topic to bring up. And in doing so, I almost forgot about it. 

I would hole away in my room, and read... Not material for my classes but fantasy novels, romance novels, anything to take my mind off of work. And then when I had to work, I did so in extreme cramming sessions so that I didn't have the time to entertain thoughts of failing or not being good enough. 

Those would come after the fact. And with each assignment, and each exam, all of which I achieved over 70%, I was angry at myself rather than happy at my grade. I was that bitch that whines about not getting 100% when there are others around me who were struggling to even pass the course. Yes, I was that girl and I'm not proud of it.

But I've found that while I am that harsh on myself, I love it when people around me are doing well. I know as humans, we have the natural tendency to compete and to pit ourselves against one another but I've never really felt that way about others in my life. When my friends do well, when they achieve their goals, I hold nothing but immense pride for them.

It got me thinking about talent. That people are so talented. We, as human beings, are so creative and resourceful and I believe that everyone has a talent, no matter how small they may think it to be. A friend of mine sings and records covers as well as writing his own material to put up on YouTube and I marvel at the creativity and hard work that goes into that. And again, I am nothing but proud. 

My best friend, on the other hand, seems to think that she doesn't do much, but believe me when I say that her talents lie in the fact that she can do everything, literally everything! She's the kind of person that only has to try something new once before she is an all around pro at it. She tried her hand at henna designs recently and they are fantastic for someone who has only tried twice in her life. And on top of that, she is an absolute genius, studying to be a doctor. 

I think it's these little things, the things that people don't necessarily notice in themselves that others are usually in awe of. It's the talents that others overlook in themselves that are important and I love pointing them out to people. 

I think it's the kindest thing to do, celebrate your loved ones and their abilities on such an innate level that it hopefully makes them feel great about themselves. When we feel that good, even over something small, it builds up our confidence and that self-doubt, that niggling voice telling us we aren't good enough, gets locked away for another day more.

Self doubt may make us stronger, and make us work harder, but in the long run, when you are sitting there in the silent moments, it can be an awful thing to be feeling and I feel like anything that shuns that negativity is worth it.

So embrace your talents, whatever they may be and be proud of them too! It's the accumulation of all those little pockets of personality that make us who we are and at the end of the day, we are all good enough!

This post may have started off as a bit of a ramble but I hope that if you're reading this, you can spend a bit of time, maybe just half an hour this evening, acknowledging your talents, be they organisation, or being an epic party planner, or simply having pretty handwriting :p Be proud of it all and go and tell a friend, a family member, anyone, what it is about them that you find absolutely amazing. Not something superficial but a talent that they hold or a skill that they have mastered. 

Basically, just be in awe of those around you and I can guarantee that you will instantly build them up and build yourself up in the process.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #12 - Moving past it

Dear readers,

This post is really for those who've ever felt listless in a way in which they can't really explain. Like nothing makes sense, like nothing can be achieved by them. They feel stuck and lost. 

Over the past few months, I've been battling with that feeling a lot and each time I have tried to erase it. To stop feeling it all together. But I don't think that that has been the correct way of dealing with it. That's why I felt compelled to write about it.

Listlessness is a feeling I've always struggled to define. I've never really explained it to people, feeling that they wouldn't understand the vagueness of the feeling. Since I'm typing this on my iPhone at this moment, I used Apple dictionary to help me with this task. Listless - "(of a person or their manner) lacking energy or enthusiasm".

That may be the definition in relation to the adjective but I think inside a person it becomes more than that. For me, it's almost trapping, suffocating the enthusiasm and passion that I hold in a way in which I'm aware that it's happening but I can't snap out of it. Usually in my case, I find this feeling manifesting itself when I've been extremely driven by an idea or inspired to do or create something. It's usually something new that I want to try and then all of a sudden, I'm stuck. In a word - frustrating!

I can't muster the excitement that I held moments before to actually carry out whatever idea I had. I have a notebook full of potential projects as well as a dissertation to plan for and yet I can't do anything right now. I know it sounds more like I'm creatively blocked but to anyone who has felt that listlessness, you'll understand that it's more than that. You're almost trapped in your own head.

In having this feeling on and off for as long as I can remember, I've realised that forcing it to go away is wasted energy. I feel like this today but hopefully by not focusing on it so much, I might just feel more energetic about everything tomorrow. 

I'm a firm believer in "everyday is a new day to try again" and in this case, I am letting the frustration go. I'm going to try to control less. I'm going to let things be. I'm going to try in whatever way I can.

I think that's all I really have to say about it. That it's an emotion just like any other, sadness, happiness, anger; you have to accept it and let it run its course so that you're free to feel something different.

I think emotions are too important to ignore. There's always a reason for them.  And when it comes to that demotivating feeling that I get, all it does is make me appreciate the days that I don't feel like that even more. And that is never going to be a bad thing in my books!

That's all from me for today. Let me know how you guys deal with frustrating emotions.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #11 - Faith

Dear readers, 

I never speak much about faith or religion to anyone unless they specifically ask me. I find it's a personal topic and I'll give my opinion only if asked and not a moment before. Even when I am asked, I try to keep away from the technicalities and areas where I can be wrong, simply because of how delicate a topic it can be for some people.

If anyone is interested, I am Muslim. I practice to the best of my abilities and do what I can and generally try to be a good person. I think at the basis of most, if not all, religion or schools of thought, is how to be a good, decent human being. And sometimes I feel that that ethos gets forgotten in and amongst the differences and the specificity of religion.

I've always believed and been brought up to believe, that your faith is personal; it's exclusive to you and yes, there are a lot of others who can follow your faith and they may be doing many things right or wrong but that that should never be my concern. The moment you start judging is the moment that you are wrong. I do believe that there are some things that people do that are wrong and yet others may not see it that way, in the same way that I must be doing things that are wrong in their eyes. That's fine. We're all different and we're all free to make mistakes and to learn.

I'm quite surprised at myself for even writing this. I've always felt nervous about declaring my religion, not because I'm not proud - I really really am proud of my religion and my beliefs - but because there are always naysayers. Those of differing religions and even those who share my beliefs yet feel that I don't follow it in the way that they would like me to. It's small-mindedness that I get anxious about. I feel confident enough about that post simply because I know that there won't be too many people reading this and those that do are mainly my friends.

I think that the reason that I'm writing this now is because it is Ramadan right now, a holy month for Muslims, where we fast and pray and I always feel more connected spiritually that I do at any other time of the year. I'm fasting as I type this, and I actually like it. Here in the UK, our fasts are about 19 hours long since we fast from sunrise to sunset, and the summer months are obviously longer but all this time, is time that I seem to spend thinking.

I love my faith, but more so than that, I love that I have the capability to have faith and believe in more than just this earth and its surrounding. I like the comfort that I get from it, from praying to simply believing that there is an afterlife for us once we leave this earth. I know that not everyone will agree and I don't really need them to. 

That's why I think faith should be personal; I don't need anyone else to agree with me on it, it's my faith and it's my spirit that I'm feeding by practising. I think it's a soulful practice and it makes so many people feel safe and hopeful when the world does its absolute best to leave us feeling empty inside. The world is harsh and unforgiving but my faith in something more allows me to forgive myself and others and I think that is what it is most important for.

It gives us something to value while uniting us to help each other navigate this mess called life. Anyway, that's my rambling of the week done. Feel free to let me know about your faith and the things that make you feel safe.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #10 - Ambition is good!

Dear readers,

One Tree Hill has been and probably will always be one of my favourite ever TV series, up there with Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl and Doctor Who. It's just good TV. It's not mindless; it has meaning and as odd as it may sound, it was always a show I found hope in. I've recently started re-watching old episodes and I've noticed how different I feel after watching an episode or two.

I have been struggling a lot recently with simply figuring out what I'm going to do. Uncertainty scares me as does failing in anything. As much as I know that failure is part and parcel with life, I still hate it. I hate that I don't feel strong enough to push past that sense of failure, of being wrong and making mistakes and that sometimes I just can't let go of the things that upset me.

Yet whenever I turn on my laptop and cosy up with another episode of my favourite shows, I feel safe. They remind me of things that I forget from time to time. A quote from the last episode of One Tree Hill is "ambition is good, wanting things is good, dreaming". It's an important point to make and one that I need constant reminding of. 

I've always been ambitious but terrified of it. Of trying and failing and it's taken me this long to realise that that was all that was wrong. I'm scared. There, I said it.

So in a bid to overcome that - or at least give it less power - I put pen to paper and did what I do best. I wrote a list. Every ambition or dream that I have ever seriously contemplated. I plucked everything out of my head and put it out in front of me. I rattled out a couple of pages of things I wanted to achieve. Both personally and professionally.

Now I could list some of my ambitions but like I said, the fear is still hanging around for now. I would rather not put it out onto the Internet for everyone to read, if in actual fact I end up never achieving a lot from my list.

But one thing I'm not afraid of is trying. I might try and fail but maybe, just maybe I could try and succeed. I could manage to cultivate a life that I'm proud of due to the work I put into it and into my achievements.

I think I'm writing this solely as a reminder for the times when I don't have the time to get sucked into a TV show. Life is unpredictable and full of challenges for all of us. I think we need to come to terms with that and rise to the challenges without being dragged down by the heaviness that comes alongside the things that we find difficult. Things can be hard and I may spend a lot of time over the next few years working really hard but if I keep focused and make sure I'm remembering my happiness amongst it all, I will be just fine.

Do you guys have any ambitions that scare you? How do you deal with it? 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #9 - Inspiration to Motivation

Dear readers,

So I've spent the last week wracking my brains for something to write, and then the week before that, wishing I could even care for writing. And in doing so, I've figured out what has been on my mind. Inspiration and motivation. The two, at first glance, may seem unconnected but really they are two of the most interconnected ideals. We need one for the other, even if we have yet to realise it.

As a fairly creative person, my head is always full of things I want to make and bring to life and yet I can never feel like I'm making sense of those ideas without 'Inspiration'. If you've read any of my posts ever, my final tag line is always "until next time, be inspired". It's important to me not to overlook the energy bursts that inspiration supply for us.

I don't know about everyone else, but I always crave it when I know it's not coming but never seem to harness it fast enough before its fleeting visit is over. I can spend whole days inspired and then sometimes, I can't even keep hold of it for half an hour.

And in searching for it, I've realised that sometimes it can be an excuse not to try. Since we're always chasing inspiration but rarely find it, we can give it a sense of fragility that is undeserving of it. Inspiration is almost now a crutch without which my motivation will stumble and fall.

And that's how they intertwine.

I've always found that when I feel inspired, I can do something about it. And I can mould that feeling into whatever I want from it. But as soon as the feeling is gone, lately so does the motivation to do anything. To work. To create.

I think that's a dangerous power that we can give to an ideal, at least it is for me. I lose all sense of meaning behind my work; whether it is university assignments, or this blog, or one of my novels, or a completely new idea. I just can't. And I think that is an awful place to be stuck. With a seeming desire to work but no motivation to follow through with what your mind and mouth are saying.

Even as I'm writing this out, I have to almost force it out, or else I would stop and just not upload. I think the need for inspiration can be healthy as long as it isn't all that is needed for you to do anything for yourself.

When I hold myself accountable for my work and the motivation behind it, then it takes away the chokehold that inspiration seems to have on my ideas and my energy.

So that's my take away from this past week - I'm going to make sure that I'm not held captive by inspiration, when sometimes all I'm lacking is the motivation to do good work. I'm going to try to recognise inspiration when it is important but not give it more value than I should.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love,

Z

Letter #8 - Ten ways to instantly feel better

Dear readers,

I've been in a much more melancholy mood than I usually am. With the stress of exams gone, I'm all of a sudden lost for what to do and honestly feeling slightly listless. From wanting to do something - anything - to make myself feel better, I found that I actually do have a go-to list of things that I do that, one way or another, make me feel better, even if just for a fleeting moment.

So here are ten things that I do to try to feel better or happier when I really don't even want to.

1. Get dressed up - I collect a lot of pretty, over the top dresses and outfits and I love to wear them when I'm in a slump. I don't know what it is about nice clothes or a favourite outfit but it makes me feel prettier and more confident and definitely more ready to take on the world.
2. Wear red lipstick - there is something so classic about a bright red lip that I absolutely adore. I love the history and glamour of the time that popularised red lipstick. I'm definitely not one for make-up but a red lip is something I cannot say no to.
3. A long hot shower - Normally I hate baths; I'm too impatient and get far too bored in them. But a hot shower is just the thing to wake me up and relieve tension. Its amazing how well some water can brighten my mood.
4. Paint my nails - Again, this is against the norm for me. Usually I hate the time it takes to do my nails properly and then maintaining them is another issue entirely. But when I need it, it always delivers to give me a boost. I think it comes down to the focus I put in to the task and the pretty end result that I get.
5. Light some candles - This one is more for the light than the smell, for me. Just a few flickering candles dotted around my desk always gives off a feeling of immense calm, especially when all I want to do is sit alone in a dark room, as bleak as that may sound.
6. Brush my hair - This is so therapeutic for me; when I was younger, my mother would brush my hair for 15 minutes straight very night to keep it healthy and doing this always brings back those lovely memories and just the simple feeling that everything is going to be all right in the end.
7. Baking - While I may not relish the scent of candles, I would pay good money to always have my home smelling of freshly baked goods. So any time that I feel sad or restless, I bake...cookies, cakes, pies, anything. And then I share them out. I mean, who doesn't love some cake?!
8. Watch a childhood movie - When all else fails, lounging around and watching a film is always a good bet. My go-to movies are anything Disney or if that fails, The Princess Bride. Now that is a film that I could watch over and over, and actually have done on my bad days.
9. Read a favourite book with a cup of tea - A good book can work wonders for helping me to find a little hope. But the tea is also a really important part of this; it warms me (I'm forever cold :/) and also is just so comforting to hold while I read. A good, worn, and well loved paperback is always my favourite kind of book to hold and get drawn into but recently I've been converted over to e-readers, simply for ease of use. But the tea is a must.
10. Write it all out - I just purge onto paper. I have tons of notebooks, one for every handbag, and I just write and write. Anything and everything that comes to mind. Sometimes just a to-do list, sometimes a motivational speech for myself, sometimes a new story idea. But always something. I find that purging all the listlessness and apathy from my mind helps me to start anew. 

So I know that none of those things were exactly earth-shattering, but sometimes I think it's the little things that can help. It may seem like these activities are only patching up the surface but at times that's the best kind. The superficial aspects of life can seep inside and have a bigger impact on us than we think and it's these happy reminders and feel good moments that can pull us out of our slump. And I just hope that if you're reading this, that you might find your own happiness inducing activities or try mine!

Until next time, be inspired...

Love,

Z

Letter #7 - Heartache

Dear readers,

So a lot has happened recently and I'm feeling overwhelmed again. I've made some of the best friends I'll ever have in the last 8 months and it was really really hard leaving them for the summer. I have never been one to get attached to anyone or anything; I never thought I had it in me. But apparently I was wrong.

I was also wrong about the concept of heartache. To me, heartache has always been this surreal over dramatised ideal; the stuff of Hollywood movies and romance novels. I think for once I can safely say that I was a tad naive about this.

While I always believed it to be a romanticised acknowledgement of pain and hurt, I only just experienced it for myself and I can say with certainty that it is an real as any other emotion. And it sucks!

I've spent 4 days feeling like my heart was in a vice grip, the fist of whom may as well belong to the Rock and his giant hands. It definitely hurts as much as I can imagine one of his punches would do.

Now it must sound as though I have been through some traumatic romantic ordeal but it's much simpler than that. The pain comes from missing people; namely my friends, the people who have become like family to me. And I imagine that if it hurts this much for friends, that a heartache of a romantic magnitude may just break me entirely. It's safe to say that I'm glad, that that isn't a concern for now.

Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about my naivety because it's not a feeling I've ever believed to apply to me and now it does. Funny how life drops things like that in your lap when you least expect it. I suppose I was due for a life lesson and I have definitely gotten one!

Let me know, if any of you have any stories to share on heartache and how to make it all okay again. Because I have yet to figure it all out.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love,

Z