Letter #50 - Take The Power Away From Your Fears

To anyone who wants to take control of their fears,

Whenever I’m having an off day, when I’m feeling out of sorts, there’s usually a root cause or a stressor that I haven’t yet put my finger on. So instead, I just feel wrong for a couple days until I figure it out. It’s like for those two or three days, I’m just waking from a dream and I can’t wake fast enough to catch the dream before I forget it. Like that, my thoughts can run away faster than I can keep track of them. If I can’t keep track of them, I can’t get to the problem.

Now there’s nothing wrong with having an off day; I don’t think it’s humanly possible not to, but there are sometimes times when I can’t afford to have an off day. Say I’ve got a really important work project or an exam, and I’m too busy getting caught up in feeling bad to focus and yet, focus is the only thing I need in those moments. Well, when that happens, I’ve always needed to get out of my head and fix the problem quickly so it can’t bother me for the time being.

I had to go through a lot of trial and error over the years, but I figured out what works for me and I’ve had others try it too and so far, I’ve not had any complaints. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it is a comforting little practice.

I just make a list, brain-dumping everything that’s worrying me onto a piece of paper. Now, I’m all for the digital age, but for this to work properly, you need use put actual pen to a literal sheet of paper and not just type it out. All my anxieties, fears, uncertainty, I get it all out and onto the paper. I got through things systematically; I’ll start with things in my professional life, like deadlines or difficult work, then move onto my personal life and my relationships before finally listing my personal feelings and thoughts about myself. I get it all out of my head and in front of me.

Now this is where the therapy begins.

There are three ways of doing this, that I use at least. The first is to take that list of fears and rip it to shreds. I’ll tear it into tiny tiny pieces until it resembles confetti, and then likes symbolic of how those thoughts and fears are gone, for the time being at least. The physical act of the ripping helps a lot as it feels like I’ve destroyed the ideas on that piece of paper.

The next alternative that soothes the child in me is to take that sheet of paper to a sink and set fire to it. This is go to method, just because it feels the more freeing to me when I can see the negativity literally go up in flames. It is no longer something to concern myself with.

The last option is a great one too. This is a much calmer method but no less powerful. This method works best if you’ve used an ink/fountain pen to write your list. Biro will not have the same effect. You get a bowl of water, and you place the paper into the water. With an ink pen, you’ll be able to see the ink leaking and floating away, just like the words that make up your fears and problems. You can see them dissolve away and it’s a release. 

All three methods are a release and maybe there’s other way that you can come up with, but the essence of the practice is that it frees your mind up by drawing out the negativity and admitting it. It’s also easier to admit to a sheet of paper, in private, if you then know that you’re destroying that paper. There’s less vulnerability or concern that someone might find the paper and your sensitive thoughts. Trust me, it’s much easier that you think it might be.

In the end, you might not even find the cause of your off day, but you’ll feel somewhat lighter either way and that’ll go a long way in helping you to feel more like yourself much quicker. At least, it does for me.

So I hope this helps, and that if you’re in need of it, you can give it a try and find some level of satisfaction in destroying your fears.

Until next time, be inspired...

Z