Letter #10 - Ambition is good!

Dear readers,

One Tree Hill has been and probably will always be one of my favourite ever TV series, up there with Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl and Doctor Who. It's just good TV. It's not mindless; it has meaning and as odd as it may sound, it was always a show I found hope in. I've recently started re-watching old episodes and I've noticed how different I feel after watching an episode or two.

I have been struggling a lot recently with simply figuring out what I'm going to do. Uncertainty scares me as does failing in anything. As much as I know that failure is part and parcel with life, I still hate it. I hate that I don't feel strong enough to push past that sense of failure, of being wrong and making mistakes and that sometimes I just can't let go of the things that upset me.

Yet whenever I turn on my laptop and cosy up with another episode of my favourite shows, I feel safe. They remind me of things that I forget from time to time. A quote from the last episode of One Tree Hill is "ambition is good, wanting things is good, dreaming". It's an important point to make and one that I need constant reminding of. 

I've always been ambitious but terrified of it. Of trying and failing and it's taken me this long to realise that that was all that was wrong. I'm scared. There, I said it.

So in a bid to overcome that - or at least give it less power - I put pen to paper and did what I do best. I wrote a list. Every ambition or dream that I have ever seriously contemplated. I plucked everything out of my head and put it out in front of me. I rattled out a couple of pages of things I wanted to achieve. Both personally and professionally.

Now I could list some of my ambitions but like I said, the fear is still hanging around for now. I would rather not put it out onto the Internet for everyone to read, if in actual fact I end up never achieving a lot from my list.

But one thing I'm not afraid of is trying. I might try and fail but maybe, just maybe I could try and succeed. I could manage to cultivate a life that I'm proud of due to the work I put into it and into my achievements.

I think I'm writing this solely as a reminder for the times when I don't have the time to get sucked into a TV show. Life is unpredictable and full of challenges for all of us. I think we need to come to terms with that and rise to the challenges without being dragged down by the heaviness that comes alongside the things that we find difficult. Things can be hard and I may spend a lot of time over the next few years working really hard but if I keep focused and make sure I'm remembering my happiness amongst it all, I will be just fine.

Do you guys have any ambitions that scare you? How do you deal with it? 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z