Letter #11 - Faith

Dear readers, 

I never speak much about faith or religion to anyone unless they specifically ask me. I find it's a personal topic and I'll give my opinion only if asked and not a moment before. Even when I am asked, I try to keep away from the technicalities and areas where I can be wrong, simply because of how delicate a topic it can be for some people.

If anyone is interested, I am Muslim. I practice to the best of my abilities and do what I can and generally try to be a good person. I think at the basis of most, if not all, religion or schools of thought, is how to be a good, decent human being. And sometimes I feel that that ethos gets forgotten in and amongst the differences and the specificity of religion.

I've always believed and been brought up to believe, that your faith is personal; it's exclusive to you and yes, there are a lot of others who can follow your faith and they may be doing many things right or wrong but that that should never be my concern. The moment you start judging is the moment that you are wrong. I do believe that there are some things that people do that are wrong and yet others may not see it that way, in the same way that I must be doing things that are wrong in their eyes. That's fine. We're all different and we're all free to make mistakes and to learn.

I'm quite surprised at myself for even writing this. I've always felt nervous about declaring my religion, not because I'm not proud - I really really am proud of my religion and my beliefs - but because there are always naysayers. Those of differing religions and even those who share my beliefs yet feel that I don't follow it in the way that they would like me to. It's small-mindedness that I get anxious about. I feel confident enough about that post simply because I know that there won't be too many people reading this and those that do are mainly my friends.

I think that the reason that I'm writing this now is because it is Ramadan right now, a holy month for Muslims, where we fast and pray and I always feel more connected spiritually that I do at any other time of the year. I'm fasting as I type this, and I actually like it. Here in the UK, our fasts are about 19 hours long since we fast from sunrise to sunset, and the summer months are obviously longer but all this time, is time that I seem to spend thinking.

I love my faith, but more so than that, I love that I have the capability to have faith and believe in more than just this earth and its surrounding. I like the comfort that I get from it, from praying to simply believing that there is an afterlife for us once we leave this earth. I know that not everyone will agree and I don't really need them to. 

That's why I think faith should be personal; I don't need anyone else to agree with me on it, it's my faith and it's my spirit that I'm feeding by practising. I think it's a soulful practice and it makes so many people feel safe and hopeful when the world does its absolute best to leave us feeling empty inside. The world is harsh and unforgiving but my faith in something more allows me to forgive myself and others and I think that is what it is most important for.

It gives us something to value while uniting us to help each other navigate this mess called life. Anyway, that's my rambling of the week done. Feel free to let me know about your faith and the things that make you feel safe.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #10 - Ambition is good!

Dear readers,

One Tree Hill has been and probably will always be one of my favourite ever TV series, up there with Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl and Doctor Who. It's just good TV. It's not mindless; it has meaning and as odd as it may sound, it was always a show I found hope in. I've recently started re-watching old episodes and I've noticed how different I feel after watching an episode or two.

I have been struggling a lot recently with simply figuring out what I'm going to do. Uncertainty scares me as does failing in anything. As much as I know that failure is part and parcel with life, I still hate it. I hate that I don't feel strong enough to push past that sense of failure, of being wrong and making mistakes and that sometimes I just can't let go of the things that upset me.

Yet whenever I turn on my laptop and cosy up with another episode of my favourite shows, I feel safe. They remind me of things that I forget from time to time. A quote from the last episode of One Tree Hill is "ambition is good, wanting things is good, dreaming". It's an important point to make and one that I need constant reminding of. 

I've always been ambitious but terrified of it. Of trying and failing and it's taken me this long to realise that that was all that was wrong. I'm scared. There, I said it.

So in a bid to overcome that - or at least give it less power - I put pen to paper and did what I do best. I wrote a list. Every ambition or dream that I have ever seriously contemplated. I plucked everything out of my head and put it out in front of me. I rattled out a couple of pages of things I wanted to achieve. Both personally and professionally.

Now I could list some of my ambitions but like I said, the fear is still hanging around for now. I would rather not put it out onto the Internet for everyone to read, if in actual fact I end up never achieving a lot from my list.

But one thing I'm not afraid of is trying. I might try and fail but maybe, just maybe I could try and succeed. I could manage to cultivate a life that I'm proud of due to the work I put into it and into my achievements.

I think I'm writing this solely as a reminder for the times when I don't have the time to get sucked into a TV show. Life is unpredictable and full of challenges for all of us. I think we need to come to terms with that and rise to the challenges without being dragged down by the heaviness that comes alongside the things that we find difficult. Things can be hard and I may spend a lot of time over the next few years working really hard but if I keep focused and make sure I'm remembering my happiness amongst it all, I will be just fine.

Do you guys have any ambitions that scare you? How do you deal with it? 

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z

Letter #9 - Inspiration to Motivation

Dear readers,

So I've spent the last week wracking my brains for something to write, and then the week before that, wishing I could even care for writing. And in doing so, I've figured out what has been on my mind. Inspiration and motivation. The two, at first glance, may seem unconnected but really they are two of the most interconnected ideals. We need one for the other, even if we have yet to realise it.

As a fairly creative person, my head is always full of things I want to make and bring to life and yet I can never feel like I'm making sense of those ideas without 'Inspiration'. If you've read any of my posts ever, my final tag line is always "until next time, be inspired". It's important to me not to overlook the energy bursts that inspiration supply for us.

I don't know about everyone else, but I always crave it when I know it's not coming but never seem to harness it fast enough before its fleeting visit is over. I can spend whole days inspired and then sometimes, I can't even keep hold of it for half an hour.

And in searching for it, I've realised that sometimes it can be an excuse not to try. Since we're always chasing inspiration but rarely find it, we can give it a sense of fragility that is undeserving of it. Inspiration is almost now a crutch without which my motivation will stumble and fall.

And that's how they intertwine.

I've always found that when I feel inspired, I can do something about it. And I can mould that feeling into whatever I want from it. But as soon as the feeling is gone, lately so does the motivation to do anything. To work. To create.

I think that's a dangerous power that we can give to an ideal, at least it is for me. I lose all sense of meaning behind my work; whether it is university assignments, or this blog, or one of my novels, or a completely new idea. I just can't. And I think that is an awful place to be stuck. With a seeming desire to work but no motivation to follow through with what your mind and mouth are saying.

Even as I'm writing this out, I have to almost force it out, or else I would stop and just not upload. I think the need for inspiration can be healthy as long as it isn't all that is needed for you to do anything for yourself.

When I hold myself accountable for my work and the motivation behind it, then it takes away the chokehold that inspiration seems to have on my ideas and my energy.

So that's my take away from this past week - I'm going to make sure that I'm not held captive by inspiration, when sometimes all I'm lacking is the motivation to do good work. I'm going to try to recognise inspiration when it is important but not give it more value than I should.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love,

Z

Letter #8 - Ten ways to instantly feel better

Dear readers,

I've been in a much more melancholy mood than I usually am. With the stress of exams gone, I'm all of a sudden lost for what to do and honestly feeling slightly listless. From wanting to do something - anything - to make myself feel better, I found that I actually do have a go-to list of things that I do that, one way or another, make me feel better, even if just for a fleeting moment.

So here are ten things that I do to try to feel better or happier when I really don't even want to.

1. Get dressed up - I collect a lot of pretty, over the top dresses and outfits and I love to wear them when I'm in a slump. I don't know what it is about nice clothes or a favourite outfit but it makes me feel prettier and more confident and definitely more ready to take on the world.
2. Wear red lipstick - there is something so classic about a bright red lip that I absolutely adore. I love the history and glamour of the time that popularised red lipstick. I'm definitely not one for make-up but a red lip is something I cannot say no to.
3. A long hot shower - Normally I hate baths; I'm too impatient and get far too bored in them. But a hot shower is just the thing to wake me up and relieve tension. Its amazing how well some water can brighten my mood.
4. Paint my nails - Again, this is against the norm for me. Usually I hate the time it takes to do my nails properly and then maintaining them is another issue entirely. But when I need it, it always delivers to give me a boost. I think it comes down to the focus I put in to the task and the pretty end result that I get.
5. Light some candles - This one is more for the light than the smell, for me. Just a few flickering candles dotted around my desk always gives off a feeling of immense calm, especially when all I want to do is sit alone in a dark room, as bleak as that may sound.
6. Brush my hair - This is so therapeutic for me; when I was younger, my mother would brush my hair for 15 minutes straight very night to keep it healthy and doing this always brings back those lovely memories and just the simple feeling that everything is going to be all right in the end.
7. Baking - While I may not relish the scent of candles, I would pay good money to always have my home smelling of freshly baked goods. So any time that I feel sad or restless, I bake...cookies, cakes, pies, anything. And then I share them out. I mean, who doesn't love some cake?!
8. Watch a childhood movie - When all else fails, lounging around and watching a film is always a good bet. My go-to movies are anything Disney or if that fails, The Princess Bride. Now that is a film that I could watch over and over, and actually have done on my bad days.
9. Read a favourite book with a cup of tea - A good book can work wonders for helping me to find a little hope. But the tea is also a really important part of this; it warms me (I'm forever cold :/) and also is just so comforting to hold while I read. A good, worn, and well loved paperback is always my favourite kind of book to hold and get drawn into but recently I've been converted over to e-readers, simply for ease of use. But the tea is a must.
10. Write it all out - I just purge onto paper. I have tons of notebooks, one for every handbag, and I just write and write. Anything and everything that comes to mind. Sometimes just a to-do list, sometimes a motivational speech for myself, sometimes a new story idea. But always something. I find that purging all the listlessness and apathy from my mind helps me to start anew. 

So I know that none of those things were exactly earth-shattering, but sometimes I think it's the little things that can help. It may seem like these activities are only patching up the surface but at times that's the best kind. The superficial aspects of life can seep inside and have a bigger impact on us than we think and it's these happy reminders and feel good moments that can pull us out of our slump. And I just hope that if you're reading this, that you might find your own happiness inducing activities or try mine!

Until next time, be inspired...

Love,

Z

Letter #7 - Heartache

Dear readers,

So a lot has happened recently and I'm feeling overwhelmed again. I've made some of the best friends I'll ever have in the last 8 months and it was really really hard leaving them for the summer. I have never been one to get attached to anyone or anything; I never thought I had it in me. But apparently I was wrong.

I was also wrong about the concept of heartache. To me, heartache has always been this surreal over dramatised ideal; the stuff of Hollywood movies and romance novels. I think for once I can safely say that I was a tad naive about this.

While I always believed it to be a romanticised acknowledgement of pain and hurt, I only just experienced it for myself and I can say with certainty that it is an real as any other emotion. And it sucks!

I've spent 4 days feeling like my heart was in a vice grip, the fist of whom may as well belong to the Rock and his giant hands. It definitely hurts as much as I can imagine one of his punches would do.

Now it must sound as though I have been through some traumatic romantic ordeal but it's much simpler than that. The pain comes from missing people; namely my friends, the people who have become like family to me. And I imagine that if it hurts this much for friends, that a heartache of a romantic magnitude may just break me entirely. It's safe to say that I'm glad, that that isn't a concern for now.

Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about my naivety because it's not a feeling I've ever believed to apply to me and now it does. Funny how life drops things like that in your lap when you least expect it. I suppose I was due for a life lesson and I have definitely gotten one!

Let me know, if any of you have any stories to share on heartache and how to make it all okay again. Because I have yet to figure it all out.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love,

Z

Letter #6 - The bookworm in me

Dear readers,

So recently a very good friend of mine asked me something that I don't think I had ever been asked before. I always thought the answer was obvious but evidently not. They asked me what was so special about reading. For me, why did reading beat out a good TV show or movie as an afternoon pastime?

I think a lot of it stems from my upbringing. My mother loves books, to read but also to collect. We had bookcases full of daunting history books and encyclopaedia collections simply because she revered the act of gaining knowledge and understanding this crazy world we inhabit. She taught me to read by 18 months old, because she wanted to instil that same love of words in me. And she definitely succeeded in that!

My journey of reading began with Disney story books as bedtime reading, to later delving into the colourful worlds of Narnia and Hogwarts. I read non-fiction just as avidly, picking up my mum's collection of autobiographies whenever I needed new reading material. Basically, anything with words stood no chance against me.

I loved the worlds I could get lost in - the multiple lives I could inhabit - and still just be plain old me when I closed those dog-eared pages. I was a part of these fantastical, extravagant and terrifying worlds, with princes and magic and warriors and then I was still home in time for dinner. I could be a princess, an assassin and a school girl all in the same week.

I loved how my empathy grew with my understanding of human nature. Stories are essentially a diary of experiences, whether real or imagined, and they matter more than some people give them credit for. A book (I refrain from saying a 'good' book) has the power to comfort, console and entertain as and when it is needed. A well loved book, even more so. They are a shoulder to cry on, a best friend to whine to at the end of a long day and a warm, long needed hug.

I loved how I could keep myself lost in the stories and with the characters for as long or as little time as I wanted. Don't get me wrong, I love a good TV show (I have several to catch up on too!) and I'll never say no to a good movie but after they end, sometimes I'm left wanting more. And that's normally when I reach for my books.

Personally, I've always found hope in stories especially when I was at my most hopeless. They were my only saving grace at times and they were my support when I felt at my most alone. In short, they saved me from shattering when I was already broken.

And the transition from reading to writing felt like a natural extension. I suppose it's thanks to my mum and her incessant adoration of literature that I'm here now, typing these words and maybe, hopefully, helping someone else feel less alone.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love,

Z

Letter #5 - Want vs Need

Dear readers,

I've been patiently suffering from a creative slump. It seems that inspiration does not want to lend me a hand and is being far too stingy with her creative juices! But speaking with a friend yesterday brought up an interesting question for me. It was a discussion of wanting as opposed to needing, in terms of people and relationships. Which is better? Which would you prefer?

In my mind, one is an act that you can control and that you have a choice in and the other is more of a helpless action, something that overcomes you past a point of control. But is that really better in any way? Surely the act of making a choice makes the choice much more satisfying. Whereas the argument can also follow the other way; that by not having a choice, clearly whatever it is that you need is more important than rational thought and sound reasoning.

I've always said and will continue to say that I don't need people. It wasn't even a line that I would intentionally say but the hard-ass inside of me would never admit to the weakness that I perceived of needing someone or something. Like I said, it felt like a decision made without control. And I choose never to lose control. While I don't think of it as weakness any more, the reservation will always be there.

Instead, I will rationally decide to spend time with friends as and when I want to. And if I don't want to, it will not pain me at all to do exactly that and not involve myself. Writing this post makes me sound so emotionless but if anything, the act of choosing is fuelled by emotion. You choose to make time for those people and things that you want in your life.

Through all of this nonsensical rambling, I haven't really come to any sort of conclusion regarding this, but I feel like the best kind of action, and relationships, have an equal share of both. You want to spend time with those people irrespective of, but also acknowledging, the fact that you do need them in your life just as much. Essentially, your life would be a little less of the life that you know without them in it.

Sorry if this all sounds like the ramblings of a mad woman, but I just needed to get it out of my head. Let me know what your thoughts are on the topic.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love,

Z