Letter #28 - Broken characters

Dear readers,

As with many of my posts, I don't know if there's going to be a point to this, but bear with me, and I guess we'll see if this makes any sense or has any relevance to life.

I'm drawn to broken people. Not necessarily in life but in fiction, in the things I read, and watch and understand. I root for the awful characters; the ones who have nothing going for them and are meant to be hated and taken against. And maybe just the ones who are sad and angry and fearful.

I am fascinated by it. The brokenness of humanity. Those sad characters, with their misplaced emotions and harsh exterior. They are the ones that need understanding, and I think I like that fact. I want to understand what made a person who they are. Generally what I've noticed is that those deeper acts are what makes a character. I suppose that's where the phrase "character building" comes from. The hardships we face make us, and shape us into who we are.

I've found that as I've grown, I have displaced that interest into reality. I define people by their brokenness and their hardships. With my friends and family alike, I can put the sadness in a person's life first when I think of them. As such, I define them by the things that they would rather not be defined by. But in my mind, that is simply the way things are.

This focus on the negative gives me a greater hold on reality though. I choose to see the bad to remind myself that it is out there and it would be naive not to be wary of it. It also allows me to be more understanding in the way I address the person. If I get irritated or aggravated by someone close to me, I have two responses; lashing out and confrontation, or passive aggression until it is out of my system. Neither one of those are healthy for me nor for my relationships. But now, when I focus on their brokenness, I can calm myself with the fact that they have their own stuff going on. This fact reminds me that we are all flawed and prone to falling. It reminds me to be kind and to understand.

By focusing on the darkness in someone's life, I allow myself to give them the benefit of the doubt and as such, I feel closer and kinder towards them. All of this takes place in my mind before anyone has to be affected by my thinking and as such, everyone around me can carry on with their blissful reality of life and our relationships.

I can have healthy relationships with my family and friends because I can acknowledge them as a whole, warts and all. It truly is a beautiful experience and you should all try it.

This post itself, started from a place of negativity and irritation and now, surprise surprise, I feel great and more at peace. And as such, I feel better about myself as a person and my capacity for tolerance.

So here's my challenge to you; try it for yourself! Empathise with someone who you would rather argue with. See the brokenness in a character in a book and try to take that into your real life and see the variety of brokenness around you. I promise you the perspective will make you feel great. (By the way, how great of a word is brokenness? I love it!)

Until next time, be inspired...

Z