Letter #23 - Have something for yourself

To absolutely everyone,

Be you male, female, young or old, regardless of circumstance or any other excuses you may have, please heed this one little request. Think of it as a belated New Years resolution! 

Have something that is yours and yours alone. And cultivate it so that it can be something magnificent all on its own. You all owe that to yourselves.

I've witnessed far too many people, especially incredibly strong women, give up things that were important at some point in their lives, in misguided attempts that if they do, it will ultimately allow other areas of their lives to grow healthier. But it's wrong. It's the wrong way to think about life in general. Things should be allowed to exist side by side without one having to be sacrificed for the other.

This may end up coming across as a rant but I need my first post of 2016 to mean something, and this is as good as anything.

I've encountered people using the word selfish to justify giving things up. They want to be less selfish, less concerned with themselves. But what I want to know is when did selfishness become a bad thing?! Everything is moderation comes into play here so much more so; if you want to be less self-centred, go right ahead, but selfish should not be thrown around as a bad word.

Selfish means taking time for yourSELF, and I think the word embodies the ideal of self-love and self-care . The negative connotations of the word need to stop if we are to become happier in our lives in general. So this is my plea to you, in response to this belief.

I think there's so much judgement in this world, that it is so sad, bordering on pathetic. Everywhere you turn, there is someone there ready to question your life choices, but why should they? And through this judgement, a lot of people wilt and shrivel away their happiness in an attempt to be better seen in the way that others would like them to be. 

Mothers giving up careers in turn for children; fathers giving up time with children in lieu of providing more and more; young adults giving up social lives for their careers. At the end of the day, however, you're only hurting yourself.

A positive attitude cannot grow without nurturing and that nurturing has to come from within. If you don't have an outlet of some form, how are you ever going to thrive? Some of the most miserable people I know, also have the capacity to be the happiest and the most grateful. I've found that they persevere with their sacrifices simply because they feel bad nurturing anything else in their life, and in turn the area of life that they sacrificed everything for suffers too.

If you have a hobby that you love, and due to other obligations, it's been put on the back burner, take it off there and start anew.

If you can no longer think on an interest, find a new one! It's as simple as that.

Have something for yourself. No matter what you do, don't become a martyr. Do something, no matter how small, that is all yours and yours alone. Something you love to do that is not consumed by any other loves in your life. Because it's not worth it. Not at all. You have to be a whole person before you can sacrifice that for someone/something else. You need to be you before you can be something to someone else. 

Especially girls, keep hold of something, a part of you, your soul, that is not up for discussion or compromise. A hobby, a love, an interest; anything. Take the time to nurture it and grow that other love. It's necessary to your mental health and your ultimate happiness. You do you!

And anyone who has the nerve to question that you need to nurture every facet of life, frankly isn't worth your time or energy.

Until next time, be inspired...

Love, Z